Here it is, the end of 2010 and my final journal entry. It is a ritual of mine and I should be getting my work clothes unpacked and ironed, as sadly I return to work on Monday. Yet this has always been important to me, and baby Carter is sleeping so now is my chance.
I think the word Hope really sums up my 2010. I quickly scanned my posts from this past year, and there were definitely fewer, but so much has happened. My last years recap was not even a recap, it was a goal of hope and to rediscover myself. Even though we had only been trying to get pregnant for 7 months, I felt so sad and lost towards the end of the year. The only thing I knew I was in control of was how to handle the things I truly can control- how I exercised, what we ate, the amount of down time we had and the quality time we spent together as a couple. This was how Kent and I set ourselves up for the start of 2010. We did succeed in this as well. I joined bootcamp, we started looking at vacations and then booked one to Palm Springs. Something crazy happened though, something totally unexpected but completely welcomed, we got pregnant. Everything changed from here. All of those negative thoughts I had about my body were pushed aside and I found the use of hope and a little prayer for the next 8 1/2 months (since we were already almost 7 weeks pregnant before we found out).
In that 8 1/2 months we bought a home, spent the entire time and are STILL renovating it (but it is SO close), and we had a baby. We didn't just have any baby, we had the most perfect baby that was made for us. I will find myself staring at Carter and thinking to myself, I am somebody's mommy. I have never in my life felt this happy, this content. I love to watch Kent play with Carter and to see the joy on my parent's faces. Carter is amazing. He is that baby that we can take out to restaurants, go shopping etc. I know this won't last forever, but we are soaking it up as much as we can.
The past few weeks I have been so sad that I have to go back to work. I would look at the Christmas decorations and just cry as I realized that only one week after Christmas, I would have to leave Carter. Now that I am only a few days away I have had to make some peace with it. I have basically tried to prepare my house, my duties, my life etc for this new change. I know that I must go back to work, but it doesn't make it any easier. I am trying to be positive about it though and see that this will be good for our family. Eventually I know that I would become too antsy to be a stay at home mom. We truly can't afford it and I could feel myself ever so slightly getting frustrated with Kent. Kent is a great help, but when you are on baby duty from 6am to 11:30pm, it can grow a little old. I need a little piece of the day carved out for myself. I'm hoping that work, socializing with co-workers and patients etc will give me a little bit of the "old Lisa" back. I am also only 6 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm looking forward to taking walks on my lunch break and having a little more discipline with my fitness in the evening. I basically am trying to find the "old Lisa" from April 2009. This is when Kent and I were in Italy, and it was the start of trying to get pregnant. This Lisa was healthier, and that is my goal. Plus, little Carter is going to want a little brother or sister, so my goal of weight loss is truly for the sake of getting pregnant again. It scares me to write that, but now that I know we CAN get pregnant, that makes it a lot easier to wrestle with.
My hope is going to carry through to 2011. I'm hopeful that this peaceful mindset that I have will continue. My outlook is so different on life, now that Carter Davis is in this world. Kent and I are still strong as a couple, but it is different. We are a threesome, a fabulous and fun threesome. I pray to myself that whoever is watching out for me continues to watch out for the three of us. I'm hopeful that 2011 will be a year filled with love and good health.
Happiness
For so many years I felt content, sometimes a little sad or worried, but for most of my life I have been content. The biggest struggle I have had is my weight and my acceptance of myself and my body. That has been a major pitfall and the amount of years spent wasted on the hell my bigger body has caused is embarrassing and almost tragic. Something started changing 4 years ago, I started changing. Yes I had lost some weight and found some new motivation in myself. I sort of just stopped "thinking" about everything and starting doing things, making changes. Meeting Kent and then marrying him was the smartest and best decision I have made to date. Last night as Carter was fussing and Kent kept getting out of bed and rocking him to sleep I was struck by how happy I was. My days are limited with Carter and I hanging out at home and that does make me cry, but I know it is going to be OK. What I am so struck by is that my happiness is not centered around a smaller body (I still have quite a bit of weight to lose), it's not about an upcoming vacation or new piece of furniture. My happiness is centered around my family. I love to say that word, my family. I have a family, one I have created myself, not that I was born into. I don't really care about what the fall's latest fashions are, or if I should have highlighted my hair differently or what Anglelina and Brad are up to. What I care about the most is the two men in my life, both who bring me more joy than they know.
Usually around the holidays I get really stressed/upset. This year I have felt so mellow. We have several stops on Christmas Eve and then we will end up at our home with a few friends coming over for dinner. If something happens and nobody can make it, than I am fine with that too. I have everything I need in my home right now, pure love. I swear that Carter knows exactly when he needs to smile, or make a little cooing noise. I love how Kent and Carter are total buddies and make one another laugh. This is what I want for Christmas, my family. I don't really care about the presents, or the decorations. These memories we are creating are by far my favorite thing.
There is something so refreshing for me that I am happy, I am truly happy. I have a hope that is very bright for my future. I am looking forward to getting healthier again and taking a little time for myself. I want Kent and I to both take our health more seriously now that we have Carter and one day more kid(s). I think it is the holidays that make me feel so grateful. I have a healthy family that can afford to pay their bills and put food on the table. I am not really a praying person but I think very kind thoughts for those out there who don't have what I do. I do feel very strongly though that I created this happiness. I was terrified to date and have someone see the real me. Thank goodness I finally changed my mind.
My big boy....
I can not believe how big my little Carter is getting. He's had a blocked tear duct that is a little aggravated right now and we had to go to the doctor twice, with his office visits being within 9 days of each other. On the first visit he weighed 10lbs 15oz, on the second visit he weighed 12 pounds. Holy cow, that is some weight gain, and he didn't even eat at Thanksgiving (-: He is doing great, really really great. He eats 5oz every 3 hours and then just naps or chills in between. He's fussy for about 15 minutes a day, when I think he is a little gassy. Other than this time, he is only fussy when he is hungry. Otherwise we do tummy time, read books, go for walks, run to the store etc. Since he is growing so fast we are in trouble as his clothes are seriously getting tight. He is 2 months old on the 14th, yet this kid is fitting snuggly in his 3 month clothes. So we have fashion show daily at my home. He doesn't even mind the posing!
I love this photo of Carter and Kent playing. Now that Carter smiles, it just melts our hearts.
I suppose it is never to early to start with the "arts"
This week we are going to see Santa, go to PEPS (our baby group) stay overnight at Grandma's while I am getting my car worked on and his nanny is coming to babysit twice. I hate to think that I have less than a month left of maternity leave, but it is true. It is time for little Carter to get use to someone else as well. He will be in good hands though, so I am not worried. Plus, who would not love to take care of this little nugget?
Where has the time gone
Carter will be 6 weeks old on Thursday, I honestly can't believe it. I see the calendar moving so closely to December and it makes me terribly sad, as I will begin working on January 3rd. Before Carter was born people would ask me if I would return to work, and I automatically was saying, YES, with a big capital Y-E-S. For many reasons I couldn't fathom staying at home all day long and caring for this unknown person. Well now that I do know my little Carter, it is hard for me to imagine NOT being around him all day long.
I do know many things though that are helping this situation become more comfortable. Kent and I need to be a two income family, it is just a part of life. We enjoy a fun lifestyle, with two mortgages, and I don't see us making it on one income. I know that I enjoy the challenge of work and that having some away time from Carter will only make that time that we are together even better. Carter also has a great nanny who is making my heart and brain so much more relaxed about leaving him. I also know myself well and eventually, I would be crawling the walls.
Carter and I are making the most of these days though. Yes, the Christmas music on the radio makes me tear up, as December 25th is so close, which means that January 3rd is right around the corner. I'm drying up those tears though and we are just chilling and playing as much as we can. I bought these awesome stickers off of ETSY to help catalog his first 12 months. Look at how cute he is!
He really is my "living doll"... I dress him up daily!
We bought his first pair of Gap jeans. I'm in love.
Yesterday he had his first look at snow, which is unseasonably early, and not a common thing in Seattle. Of course we had to put his snow suit on!
As Thanksgiving is just two days away...we had to get ready for what we were going to wear.
I love this little guy, I love my life, I love having a husband who is just as excited as I am about being a parent. Who knew that going out for a nice dinner, all we would think about was getting home to see Carter! Happy Thanksgiving!
I do know many things though that are helping this situation become more comfortable. Kent and I need to be a two income family, it is just a part of life. We enjoy a fun lifestyle, with two mortgages, and I don't see us making it on one income. I know that I enjoy the challenge of work and that having some away time from Carter will only make that time that we are together even better. Carter also has a great nanny who is making my heart and brain so much more relaxed about leaving him. I also know myself well and eventually, I would be crawling the walls.
Carter and I are making the most of these days though. Yes, the Christmas music on the radio makes me tear up, as December 25th is so close, which means that January 3rd is right around the corner. I'm drying up those tears though and we are just chilling and playing as much as we can. I bought these awesome stickers off of ETSY to help catalog his first 12 months. Look at how cute he is!
He really is my "living doll"... I dress him up daily!
We bought his first pair of Gap jeans. I'm in love.
Yesterday he had his first look at snow, which is unseasonably early, and not a common thing in Seattle. Of course we had to put his snow suit on!
As Thanksgiving is just two days away...we had to get ready for what we were going to wear.
I love this little guy, I love my life, I love having a husband who is just as excited as I am about being a parent. Who knew that going out for a nice dinner, all we would think about was getting home to see Carter! Happy Thanksgiving!
4 weeks old
I love this photo...it was taken in the hospital when he was just 2 days old.
Carter turned 4 weeks old yesterday with a visit to his pediatrician and the discovery that he put on over a pound in 2 weeks. He is up to 9.7 pounds and added an inch. When I saw the weight on the scale I couldn't believe it. He had been fussy over the past few days and making his little "O" face with his mouth letting me know he is ready to eat. He really just makes me laugh, we are total buddies. I love holding him, watching him sleep, even changing his diapers. I still cry when I think about going back to work in January, but knowing how awesome his nanny is, makes me feel so much better. In fact, we are having lunch today with his nanny and a mutual friend of both of ours. Carter is so portable, I go somewhere everyday with him. It allows me to get some fresh air and it is good for him to get use to being outside etc, his parents definitely like to be active in life.
On Tuesday we are starting our PEPS class. I am not exactly sure where our meeting is first being held, but somewhere fairly close to our house. We are looking forward to meeting new people, especially parents, as the information sharing is good. Yesterday I was finally able to meet up with a group of ladies who we all had our 6 week baby classes together. Only one husband came yesterday, which was unusual I think, but I say the more the merrier. Carter was the last baby to be born so this was our first opportunity to see everyone. It was fun to see every one's babies and knowing that we all sat in that classroom and these little people were inside of us. I appreciated listening to them and seeing the stages they are with their children- when their baby smiled for the first time, how the sleep patterns are going. They meet once a week and we are going to try and go for these coffee dates as it is good for both of us.
Now that I have had almost a month with Carter, it is time I start taking care of myself. I have loved all the food people have made us, what a godsend. Now though it is time to get on track with fitness and food. I want Carter to have a sibling and I definitely need to be healthier before we start this pregnancy. I don't have a gym membership any longer so I ordered the Gillian Michaels DVD's that I have heard so much about. We have been walking but it is time to pick up the pace. I'm still having some tendinitis in my wrist but I start acupuncture on Monday, so hopefully that can be reduced over the next month. OH...and I FINALLY get my hair cut and highlighted soon, I can't wait!
I am feeling so great lately and every time I see a Christmas commercial I cry as that means work will be right around the corner, but we will all be just fine.
Three weeks and counting....
I can't believe that Carter is 3 1/2 weeks old. His little belly button just fell off last night (thank God...I was so ready to see that little thing gone!), he is so observant and I'm amazed at the strength he has. This time I have had with his has just flown by, but I appreciate it so much. There are times that I find myself holding him, particularly after he has just eaten and he is sleeping in my arms, that I still am in disbelief that this little person is mine. I find myself amazed and at times almost shocked that Carter belongs to Kent and I. Carter is the baby I have always wanted, and it is just really starting to settle in that he is not going anywhere, he is staying with us. This is probably odd to some people, but I really in my heart always feared that I would not be a mom, the thing I wanted the most. One thing that has really helped me get past this fear and shock is to tell him probably 100x a day how much I love him and how excited we are to have him. We have photos of him in our home, I love folding his clothes and I don't even mind the 1am or 4am feedings, but this is my job. Right now I am a stay at home mom, and I am embracing it as much as I can.
This month I am taking a baby massage class that many of my work friends recommended. I laughed at this months ago, but now that Carter is "real" I find myself open to just about anything that might make him happy. I love taking him in the stroller for walks, plus I need to really start losing some weight. One thing that has really bummed me out is that due to the high dose of diuretics that I was on my breast milk is gone, completely gone. I was worried about breastfeeding, like so many women with PCOS, and the combination of the pills and PCOS just sucked it out of me. I cried for a few days about this as I really wanted to experience this with Carter. I did fenugreek, rented a medical grade pump, ate and pumped at the same time and did my best to relax; but it unfortunately did not work. When I tell people that I am not breastfeeding I get really pissed at some of their reactions, like I "chose" to no longer breastfeed. No, I did not choose this. My blood pressure was dangerously high and I had to take care of myself, so that I could take care of Carter. I met with lactation specialists and did everything they could think of so when people make comments to me that almost reference my "giving up" it really pisses me off. Of course with all these hormones in me, that is pretty easy to do (-:
Kent and I also were matched up with a PEPS group that will start in the middle of the month. It is basically 6-8 couples who have infants around the same age as Carter that live within a few miles of us. We meet at one another's homes once a week and basically just hang out with others in very similar situations..brand new babies and no clue what to do with them. I hope we are matched with a group that we can make friends with. I am also looking into a mother's group that meets once a week on Monday's for 8 weeks. I'm not sure about it yet, so will post once I know more. Right now I'm just taking this new role of motherhood very seriously, it is my only job until January 3rd, when I return to work. I've been sensitive about work recently, but I am so excited to say we have found a nanny. I had secured a very good daycare spot after relentless searching but through a friend, I have found a woman who has raised her grandchildren and is only interested in being a nanny to an infant. Her name is Susan and I have known her for several years. She is a very "young" older person who is hip, super savy with kids, and is so excited to be Carter's nanny. Kent and I are excited as well. I love that Susan wants to take him to the library, Gymboree, the zoo, daily walks in Discovery Park and she will even bring him to my work so that I can see him. I love her principles on childcare and I know how much her own grand kids adore her.
This transition into parenthood has been a very smooth one, knock on wood! Kent and I each have different roles, but they fit like puzzle pieces. Due to the fact we are not breastfeeding Kent can actually help out with feedings and he actually changes probably the same amount of diapers that I do. When he gets home from work he is so excited to see Carter. He right away wants to help. I feel so fortunate that my husband is this way. He respects my need to have a few minutes in the evening, as I do his. It really is, so far so good.
This month I am taking a baby massage class that many of my work friends recommended. I laughed at this months ago, but now that Carter is "real" I find myself open to just about anything that might make him happy. I love taking him in the stroller for walks, plus I need to really start losing some weight. One thing that has really bummed me out is that due to the high dose of diuretics that I was on my breast milk is gone, completely gone. I was worried about breastfeeding, like so many women with PCOS, and the combination of the pills and PCOS just sucked it out of me. I cried for a few days about this as I really wanted to experience this with Carter. I did fenugreek, rented a medical grade pump, ate and pumped at the same time and did my best to relax; but it unfortunately did not work. When I tell people that I am not breastfeeding I get really pissed at some of their reactions, like I "chose" to no longer breastfeed. No, I did not choose this. My blood pressure was dangerously high and I had to take care of myself, so that I could take care of Carter. I met with lactation specialists and did everything they could think of so when people make comments to me that almost reference my "giving up" it really pisses me off. Of course with all these hormones in me, that is pretty easy to do (-:
Kent and I also were matched up with a PEPS group that will start in the middle of the month. It is basically 6-8 couples who have infants around the same age as Carter that live within a few miles of us. We meet at one another's homes once a week and basically just hang out with others in very similar situations..brand new babies and no clue what to do with them. I hope we are matched with a group that we can make friends with. I am also looking into a mother's group that meets once a week on Monday's for 8 weeks. I'm not sure about it yet, so will post once I know more. Right now I'm just taking this new role of motherhood very seriously, it is my only job until January 3rd, when I return to work. I've been sensitive about work recently, but I am so excited to say we have found a nanny. I had secured a very good daycare spot after relentless searching but through a friend, I have found a woman who has raised her grandchildren and is only interested in being a nanny to an infant. Her name is Susan and I have known her for several years. She is a very "young" older person who is hip, super savy with kids, and is so excited to be Carter's nanny. Kent and I are excited as well. I love that Susan wants to take him to the library, Gymboree, the zoo, daily walks in Discovery Park and she will even bring him to my work so that I can see him. I love her principles on childcare and I know how much her own grand kids adore her.
This transition into parenthood has been a very smooth one, knock on wood! Kent and I each have different roles, but they fit like puzzle pieces. Due to the fact we are not breastfeeding Kent can actually help out with feedings and he actually changes probably the same amount of diapers that I do. When he gets home from work he is so excited to see Carter. He right away wants to help. I feel so fortunate that my husband is this way. He respects my need to have a few minutes in the evening, as I do his. It really is, so far so good.
My new love
I have a new love in my life, a sweet little nugget named Carter Davis who was born on 10-14-10. The time(s) leading up to his delivery were a bit traumatic but all was forgotten once I heard that cry and the announcement that "it's a boy!" As I lay there unable to focus/breathe/move due to an unscheduled C section, Kent looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "it's Carter!"
This has been a complete whirlwind. Carter was induced twice and both times he said, hell no, I'm not coming out. The second time we tried I was not going home without a baby in my arms, no matter what. The 24 hours leading up to his arrival was traumatic in the sense of multiple treatments to get him to drop and my cervix to dilate. Also knowing fully well that I wanted an epidural after we reached a 4 we started the process, and what a process it was. I thoroughly explained to the anesthesiologists that I was very difficult to numb at the dentist etc. They probably didn't believe me, but on the 5th (FIFTH) time of punching through my back, inserting probes to the left and right and realizing that I was still not numb, I began to panic, as did they a bit. I held still on and off again for over 2 hours while no less than 4 doctors worked on me. I finally panicked and hit the wall a bit and sort of sobbed to Kent that I was terrified the epidural was not going to work and that I would not have my head wrapped in the right place for a natural childbirth. I had been given Petocin for over 12 hours and the contractions were coming every 2 minutes, but the baby was not moving. The physician on-call, who I really liked, told me that she would give me another hour to get something to progress or we would need to discuss a C-section. I told her no discussion, let's just do it. Here is where my enthusiasm was probably too much. It was like the hospital went into overdrive. Suddenly Kent is dressing, they are prepping me, carting me around the hospital, throwing me on a new bed with bright lights and a spinal tap in my back....it was too much.
Panic started to set in when they had numbed me up to my neck, for fear of not numbing me enough. I couldn't feel myself breathe and I honestly feared this unknown. Then I started dry heaving and vomiting. Kent's eyes showed fear as well and I started yelling at him as I was already painfully aware of how awful this situation was. I could hear the physicians chatting about my amazing abs (I had a tummy tuck 5 years ago and apparently the stitching inside is quite nice). As I closed my eyes and asked God for help through this terrifying 15 minutes I finally heard what I had been waiting 41 weeks for, my little baby's cry. It was intense, it was beautiful and unforgettable. They quickly took Carter over to the exam area and he was given the thumbs up. Kent brought him over to me and I told Kent he needed to hold and love Carter as I was not able too as all of our birthing books and classes talk about the instant skin to skin contact between the mom and baby. As Kent did this I realized I was the luckiest woman in the world and finally, my dreams have come true.
It has been almost 2 weeks since Carter was born. In this time I have experienced the pain of a C section, incredibly difficult hormonal adjustments, severe blood pressure problems which have panicked many, but...it has not changed my love for this new little man of mine. Kent is such an amazing dad, I can not say enough about how helpful he is. Kent is SO in love with Carter, and it just warms my heart as Kent had a very odd and at times "trying" childhood with both of his parents so I worried a bit about his own bonding with his children. I shall not worry anymore.
Our new family of three is in such a good place right now. We are taking each day as it comes and we are focusing on all of the good we have around us right now. I wake up every few hours, and even though I am exhausted, I am still so excited to hold Carter and feed him. Life is beautiful!
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This has been a complete whirlwind. Carter was induced twice and both times he said, hell no, I'm not coming out. The second time we tried I was not going home without a baby in my arms, no matter what. The 24 hours leading up to his arrival was traumatic in the sense of multiple treatments to get him to drop and my cervix to dilate. Also knowing fully well that I wanted an epidural after we reached a 4 we started the process, and what a process it was. I thoroughly explained to the anesthesiologists that I was very difficult to numb at the dentist etc. They probably didn't believe me, but on the 5th (FIFTH) time of punching through my back, inserting probes to the left and right and realizing that I was still not numb, I began to panic, as did they a bit. I held still on and off again for over 2 hours while no less than 4 doctors worked on me. I finally panicked and hit the wall a bit and sort of sobbed to Kent that I was terrified the epidural was not going to work and that I would not have my head wrapped in the right place for a natural childbirth. I had been given Petocin for over 12 hours and the contractions were coming every 2 minutes, but the baby was not moving. The physician on-call, who I really liked, told me that she would give me another hour to get something to progress or we would need to discuss a C-section. I told her no discussion, let's just do it. Here is where my enthusiasm was probably too much. It was like the hospital went into overdrive. Suddenly Kent is dressing, they are prepping me, carting me around the hospital, throwing me on a new bed with bright lights and a spinal tap in my back....it was too much.
Panic started to set in when they had numbed me up to my neck, for fear of not numbing me enough. I couldn't feel myself breathe and I honestly feared this unknown. Then I started dry heaving and vomiting. Kent's eyes showed fear as well and I started yelling at him as I was already painfully aware of how awful this situation was. I could hear the physicians chatting about my amazing abs (I had a tummy tuck 5 years ago and apparently the stitching inside is quite nice). As I closed my eyes and asked God for help through this terrifying 15 minutes I finally heard what I had been waiting 41 weeks for, my little baby's cry. It was intense, it was beautiful and unforgettable. They quickly took Carter over to the exam area and he was given the thumbs up. Kent brought him over to me and I told Kent he needed to hold and love Carter as I was not able too as all of our birthing books and classes talk about the instant skin to skin contact between the mom and baby. As Kent did this I realized I was the luckiest woman in the world and finally, my dreams have come true.
It has been almost 2 weeks since Carter was born. In this time I have experienced the pain of a C section, incredibly difficult hormonal adjustments, severe blood pressure problems which have panicked many, but...it has not changed my love for this new little man of mine. Kent is such an amazing dad, I can not say enough about how helpful he is. Kent is SO in love with Carter, and it just warms my heart as Kent had a very odd and at times "trying" childhood with both of his parents so I worried a bit about his own bonding with his children. I shall not worry anymore.
Our new family of three is in such a good place right now. We are taking each day as it comes and we are focusing on all of the good we have around us right now. I wake up every few hours, and even though I am exhausted, I am still so excited to hold Carter and feed him. Life is beautiful!
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The most important post
That might be too dramatic of a title, but honestly, it is how I am feeling right now. It is about 1pm and in 6 hours I am going to check in to the hospital and finally have this baby. Last week we checked in and did the same thing, but after 24 hours and Shim not budging, we went home without my baby in my arms. I cried a few tears as I was getting out of my hospital gown, but I am wise enough to know that if Shim didn't want to come out, and both myself and he/she were fine, than it just was not time. I didn't really have any mind games or doubt about my inability to get this baby moving along and into the world. For once in my life I just took it as it came.
Now that is has been almost a week it is time for us to once again start this process rolling. I told Shim I feel bad that he/she is getting an eviction notice today, but it is time. I feel guilty that I haven't told my family etc, but after what happened last time, we are not telling anyone until things have progressed nicely. My cervix is still super tight and I'm about 1.5centimeters dilated, the same amount I have been for weeks. Tonight we will start some medication and we will continue until Shim and I can work together or we will have a C-section. Either way, I am ready. I am nervous about the process of giving birth, but I know that I can handle this.
So as I am preparing today, I'm finding myself in almost a state of denial. I've been curled up on the couch watching the worst TV ever. Did you know there was a reality show based on Southwest Airlines and their crazy passengers? Who knew, but that crazy drama filled 30 minutes has been cracking me up all day. I really should go and sweep, vacuum the floors and clean the bathrooms, but I would rather be glued to this show to see the drama unfold of missing luggage and missed connections.
In the back of my mind though is the realization of what the nurse said to me yesterday morning. She told me to pack my bag, be at the hospital at 7pm and be prepared to stay until you can take your baby home. Knowing that this is my last day in our home as Kent and I is bizarre. I've been so clingy to him lately, knowing that everything is going to change. Last night we tried to have dinner out and I was just in a tough spot. I didn't feel good and all I could think about was that this was our last night together, without worrying about Shim or finding a babysitter.
What I do know is what an awesome dad Kent is going to be. I can see the excitement on his face about what we are embarking on together, parenthood. We are filled with joy and anxiety. We are also such a good team that I feel as if we will be able to conquer anything. I feel confident in about abilities to lean on one another and to get help when we need it. We have similar ideals regarding the bringing up of of little one and where our priorities/goals lie. We both want more for Shim than we want for ourselves. Yet, we want Shim to understand the value of hard work, the value of kindness and gratitude.
Whoever we meet in the next few days, we wish for he/she to be healthy and prepared for a life full of opportunity and love.
I remember when we were having a wedding photos taken and this cute couple was crossing the bridge we were on. Our photographer Yvonne thought this was a sign of things to come. Soon we will be strolling with Shim in our stroller!
Now that is has been almost a week it is time for us to once again start this process rolling. I told Shim I feel bad that he/she is getting an eviction notice today, but it is time. I feel guilty that I haven't told my family etc, but after what happened last time, we are not telling anyone until things have progressed nicely. My cervix is still super tight and I'm about 1.5centimeters dilated, the same amount I have been for weeks. Tonight we will start some medication and we will continue until Shim and I can work together or we will have a C-section. Either way, I am ready. I am nervous about the process of giving birth, but I know that I can handle this.
So as I am preparing today, I'm finding myself in almost a state of denial. I've been curled up on the couch watching the worst TV ever. Did you know there was a reality show based on Southwest Airlines and their crazy passengers? Who knew, but that crazy drama filled 30 minutes has been cracking me up all day. I really should go and sweep, vacuum the floors and clean the bathrooms, but I would rather be glued to this show to see the drama unfold of missing luggage and missed connections.
In the back of my mind though is the realization of what the nurse said to me yesterday morning. She told me to pack my bag, be at the hospital at 7pm and be prepared to stay until you can take your baby home. Knowing that this is my last day in our home as Kent and I is bizarre. I've been so clingy to him lately, knowing that everything is going to change. Last night we tried to have dinner out and I was just in a tough spot. I didn't feel good and all I could think about was that this was our last night together, without worrying about Shim or finding a babysitter.
What I do know is what an awesome dad Kent is going to be. I can see the excitement on his face about what we are embarking on together, parenthood. We are filled with joy and anxiety. We are also such a good team that I feel as if we will be able to conquer anything. I feel confident in about abilities to lean on one another and to get help when we need it. We have similar ideals regarding the bringing up of of little one and where our priorities/goals lie. We both want more for Shim than we want for ourselves. Yet, we want Shim to understand the value of hard work, the value of kindness and gratitude.
Whoever we meet in the next few days, we wish for he/she to be healthy and prepared for a life full of opportunity and love.
I remember when we were having a wedding photos taken and this cute couple was crossing the bridge we were on. Our photographer Yvonne thought this was a sign of things to come. Soon we will be strolling with Shim in our stroller!
Baby Room
Well, we are past due now. I feel like part one of the pending birth story is due, but that will be another post. I keep walking past Shim's room, wondering when I will know if I am putting a little boy or girl in that crib. We are anxiously waiting, but knowing how stubborn Kent and I are, it is no wonder our baby is still enjoying that warm place in my belly.
Since I can't present Shim yet, I can at least show off Shim's space. For years I have loved Winnie-the-Pooh, not the Disney version, but the original version by A.A. Milne. That beloved Pooh and his friends have a special place in my heart. When we moved into our home in April I knew exactly where Shim's room would be, it would be the room that overlooked the Heron reserve we live on. It looks like we live in the forest, sort of like Pooh bears 100 Akre woods. This became my inspiration. I didn't want to tell people that the room was going to be inspired by Pooh as I knew I would get SO much stuff, and I already had enough. Plus I am a classic Pooh girl only. I decided that I wanted to make it look like the forest that Pooh and his friends live in. I wanted clouds on the ceiling, a forest on the walls and the rug I wanted to find needed to look like grass. It took some time to gather everything, but I am so pleased with how it turned out. It is just pure happiness.
Kent and I found a woman on Craigslist who came to the house and painted the clouds, tree and characters. I just love them. I originally only wanted Pooh, the tree and the clouds, but Kent thought that Pooh needed his friends so they are sort of hidden around the room. I love the chair that Kent picked out as it is functional, comfortable and cool looking at the same time.
Now all we need is to have a baby (-:
Since I can't present Shim yet, I can at least show off Shim's space. For years I have loved Winnie-the-Pooh, not the Disney version, but the original version by A.A. Milne. That beloved Pooh and his friends have a special place in my heart. When we moved into our home in April I knew exactly where Shim's room would be, it would be the room that overlooked the Heron reserve we live on. It looks like we live in the forest, sort of like Pooh bears 100 Akre woods. This became my inspiration. I didn't want to tell people that the room was going to be inspired by Pooh as I knew I would get SO much stuff, and I already had enough. Plus I am a classic Pooh girl only. I decided that I wanted to make it look like the forest that Pooh and his friends live in. I wanted clouds on the ceiling, a forest on the walls and the rug I wanted to find needed to look like grass. It took some time to gather everything, but I am so pleased with how it turned out. It is just pure happiness.
Kent and I found a woman on Craigslist who came to the house and painted the clouds, tree and characters. I just love them. I originally only wanted Pooh, the tree and the clouds, but Kent thought that Pooh needed his friends so they are sort of hidden around the room. I love the chair that Kent picked out as it is functional, comfortable and cool looking at the same time.
Now all we need is to have a baby (-:
My wishes and dreams
I'm sitting here at work today, 35 years old and ready to have my first child anytime now. I have been busily getting my house unpacked, remodeled and prepared for Shim's arrival. Last night I went through a box of old photo albums from many, many years ago...college days, late 20's up until the present day. I looked at these photos, especially those from my early 20's with amazement. In these photos was a girl who had dreams of having a husband and a family. Of course I wanted to have a career, to travel, to be skinny and beautiful and wealthy, but secretly, I wanted to experience love and have a family of my own. As the years passed I held onto my secret dream and watched as friends would get married and start having families. I held my head high, bought a little white dog and named him Frank Kelley, and did the best I could to keep my feet moving in front of the other. Frank and I would take long walks and runs in our neighborhood. I would pass these beautiful homes filled with the image of happiness that I so desperately wanted, kids playing, eating at the dinner table together, watching TV or playing games. Some nights I would just cry a stream of tears as I wondered what would happen in my life. Last night the same tears came about.
I started looking at the early photos of Kent and I and reading the cards Kent has given me throughout the years. I sat there, sobbing and laughing at some of the things Kent has written me in the past 4 years. The first card he gave me was actually attached to a beautiful bouquet of flowers he sent me to my work on our first month anniversary of dating. Kent didn't even really know where I worked, but he googled it, ordered some flowers and then wrote on the card, "Happy one month anniversary. From your man friend Kent. I can still remember that day like it was yesterday, the women in my office in awe as these flowers arrive from a guy who is still just a guy in my life. Kent has always been more than just a guy to me. I knew within the first month of hanging around with him that he was the one, he was going to be the man I marry. My walk down memory lane was so emotional last night, thank God I was by myself as he would have been uncomfortable if I sat there and cried and re-read all his cards.
The cards that started to really bring on the tears were the ones that Kent gave me last summer/fall. The ones of encouragement about how 2010 would be "our" year and all of our "dreams" would come true. Kent never fully came out and said that we would have a baby, but that was what he referenced and what he wanted as well. Now that I have 11 days left until Shim due date I am a mess, a complete wreck. I could complain about the weight gain, swollen feet, uncomfortableness etc. That is not what is making me a mess, what is making me a mess is the sheer joy I feel. Through all of these end of the road pregnancy symptoms I am still processing this event as I know best, with love and joy. I, Lisa, am going to be someones mom soon. That 20 year old girl who would sit in the coffee shops on Capitol Hill in Seattle and journal for hours about what I wanted in life is finally going to get her wish. It is still surreal for me. I am excited, nervous and grateful beyond belief. I don't care any longer that all of the house is not completely remodeled, or that I am not able to be on the go as much any longer. Beautiful shoes and handbags seem like they are so far in my past, even my coveted Louboutin's that Kent bought me as a wedding gift. I'll take a nike running shoe over my Louboutin's if it means that I can carry Shim easier. My life is now wrapped up in my husband and this life inside of me.
Last week-end I cried to Kent that soon we would no longer be Kent and Lisa. I have loved this 4 years together more than I can say and the new change that is around the corner is a dream for both of us. Kent and I have vowed to keep the bond we have towards one another, but I know that Shim is going to need us more than we will need one another. All of those photos around the house of Kent and I will slowly be refilled with a family, our new family. I've been told by many that I am too much of a dreamer, well now I know that dreams can really come true.
I started looking at the early photos of Kent and I and reading the cards Kent has given me throughout the years. I sat there, sobbing and laughing at some of the things Kent has written me in the past 4 years. The first card he gave me was actually attached to a beautiful bouquet of flowers he sent me to my work on our first month anniversary of dating. Kent didn't even really know where I worked, but he googled it, ordered some flowers and then wrote on the card, "Happy one month anniversary. From your man friend Kent. I can still remember that day like it was yesterday, the women in my office in awe as these flowers arrive from a guy who is still just a guy in my life. Kent has always been more than just a guy to me. I knew within the first month of hanging around with him that he was the one, he was going to be the man I marry. My walk down memory lane was so emotional last night, thank God I was by myself as he would have been uncomfortable if I sat there and cried and re-read all his cards.
The cards that started to really bring on the tears were the ones that Kent gave me last summer/fall. The ones of encouragement about how 2010 would be "our" year and all of our "dreams" would come true. Kent never fully came out and said that we would have a baby, but that was what he referenced and what he wanted as well. Now that I have 11 days left until Shim due date I am a mess, a complete wreck. I could complain about the weight gain, swollen feet, uncomfortableness etc. That is not what is making me a mess, what is making me a mess is the sheer joy I feel. Through all of these end of the road pregnancy symptoms I am still processing this event as I know best, with love and joy. I, Lisa, am going to be someones mom soon. That 20 year old girl who would sit in the coffee shops on Capitol Hill in Seattle and journal for hours about what I wanted in life is finally going to get her wish. It is still surreal for me. I am excited, nervous and grateful beyond belief. I don't care any longer that all of the house is not completely remodeled, or that I am not able to be on the go as much any longer. Beautiful shoes and handbags seem like they are so far in my past, even my coveted Louboutin's that Kent bought me as a wedding gift. I'll take a nike running shoe over my Louboutin's if it means that I can carry Shim easier. My life is now wrapped up in my husband and this life inside of me.
Last week-end I cried to Kent that soon we would no longer be Kent and Lisa. I have loved this 4 years together more than I can say and the new change that is around the corner is a dream for both of us. Kent and I have vowed to keep the bond we have towards one another, but I know that Shim is going to need us more than we will need one another. All of those photos around the house of Kent and I will slowly be refilled with a family, our new family. I've been told by many that I am too much of a dreamer, well now I know that dreams can really come true.
Time....
Kent asked me the other night if we had any other stores to go to and I blankly stared at him and said, "the one that sells us more time." It is August 24th and I am frightened that in one week it will be September. I will have essentially one month until Baby Davis comes. Here have been our highs and lows over the past several weeks:
1) Kent has been a rock star and is killing himself to get our home finished. The landscape is complete, I can almost go without shoes on all 4 levels of my house as the chances of nails etc embedding themselves into my foot is almost impossible ( I say almost as I found two strays just hanging out in the carpet outside of my bedroom last night).
2) Kent's rock star status has to be downgraded a little bit as the only way the house is getting complete is that he has totally blown our budget. I don't know by how much, I leave those things for Kent to deal with. I mean when you need a new front door, don't you have to replace every door in the HOUSE so that everything is aligned and structured together? My pretend gay husband with his decorating and spacial qualities will just never understand what a true necessity is when it comes to remodeling a home. I am loving how it turns out and I just hope I can produce enough breast milk as that will seriously have to be the nutrition for the 3 of us!
3) I have had two showers now, both of them quite lovely and overwhelming with gifts. I have been so bad lately about photos, so I only have this one, which shows how crazy and generous my friends and family are.
4) Amidst all of this chaos we have had some tragedy as one of Kent's few relatives was killed in a freak drowning incident. He was a twin, only 19 years old, and it was so sad. We drove to Lincoln City, Oregon and as I sat during this funeral I would look at his parents and my sadness was overwhelming. Shim is sitting inside of me, all cocooned and waiting for his/her big arrival in 6 weeks. I love Shim more than I can say and I cry every time I think of Zach's parents and his twin sister and the sadness they are feeling. Kent's mother is also not doing very well. She suffers from bi-polar/depression/psychosomatic episodes and she is in a little of a zinger right now. It is so difficult and the timing is never good, particularly now. I am not the most reasonable person right now so Kent is really having to work hard right now to keep both me and his mom in the right place.
5) This past week-end we went to our friends Colleen and Trever's wedding. It was a very long day, but we danced and let loose. Kent is such a fun guy, I am so lucky to have him as my partner. I haven't really been taking pregnancy photos as, honestly, some people say they can't tell I am pregnant. When I tell them I am due October 6th they look at me sideways and I just explain that I am a big girl, and when you are big all over, the baby has more room. Here are a few photos from the wedding.
I am in a state of mind right now that is of love and hope. When Shim gives me a good kick, I say hi and tell Shim that I love them very much. When I sit in the nursery, which is so close to being done, I actually tear up a bit with anticipation that someday very soon I will have my little baby in my arms. Since I was a little girl I wanted to be married and a mom more than anything. It was very hard for me to find love, or actually, very hard to allow myself to love and be loved. Kent has brought more to my life than I can possibly explain to people and now, with Shim so close to being born, I am literally brimming with love. I don't know if I have ever been able to say that.
1) Kent has been a rock star and is killing himself to get our home finished. The landscape is complete, I can almost go without shoes on all 4 levels of my house as the chances of nails etc embedding themselves into my foot is almost impossible ( I say almost as I found two strays just hanging out in the carpet outside of my bedroom last night).
2) Kent's rock star status has to be downgraded a little bit as the only way the house is getting complete is that he has totally blown our budget. I don't know by how much, I leave those things for Kent to deal with. I mean when you need a new front door, don't you have to replace every door in the HOUSE so that everything is aligned and structured together? My pretend gay husband with his decorating and spacial qualities will just never understand what a true necessity is when it comes to remodeling a home. I am loving how it turns out and I just hope I can produce enough breast milk as that will seriously have to be the nutrition for the 3 of us!
3) I have had two showers now, both of them quite lovely and overwhelming with gifts. I have been so bad lately about photos, so I only have this one, which shows how crazy and generous my friends and family are.
4) Amidst all of this chaos we have had some tragedy as one of Kent's few relatives was killed in a freak drowning incident. He was a twin, only 19 years old, and it was so sad. We drove to Lincoln City, Oregon and as I sat during this funeral I would look at his parents and my sadness was overwhelming. Shim is sitting inside of me, all cocooned and waiting for his/her big arrival in 6 weeks. I love Shim more than I can say and I cry every time I think of Zach's parents and his twin sister and the sadness they are feeling. Kent's mother is also not doing very well. She suffers from bi-polar/depression/psychosomatic episodes and she is in a little of a zinger right now. It is so difficult and the timing is never good, particularly now. I am not the most reasonable person right now so Kent is really having to work hard right now to keep both me and his mom in the right place.
5) This past week-end we went to our friends Colleen and Trever's wedding. It was a very long day, but we danced and let loose. Kent is such a fun guy, I am so lucky to have him as my partner. I haven't really been taking pregnancy photos as, honestly, some people say they can't tell I am pregnant. When I tell them I am due October 6th they look at me sideways and I just explain that I am a big girl, and when you are big all over, the baby has more room. Here are a few photos from the wedding.
I am in a state of mind right now that is of love and hope. When Shim gives me a good kick, I say hi and tell Shim that I love them very much. When I sit in the nursery, which is so close to being done, I actually tear up a bit with anticipation that someday very soon I will have my little baby in my arms. Since I was a little girl I wanted to be married and a mom more than anything. It was very hard for me to find love, or actually, very hard to allow myself to love and be loved. Kent has brought more to my life than I can possibly explain to people and now, with Shim so close to being born, I am literally brimming with love. I don't know if I have ever been able to say that.
Kent...my superman
I can already hear the groan and know his eyes are rolling as he scans this post. It needs to be a fast one as I am so incredibly behind with work, but honestly, it needs to be said.
Kent is literally my own superman. Somehow he puts up with my constant whining about the uncomfortableness I am experiencing in my belly, the constant nagging of when our house is going to be completed and my fears of motherhood that are continuing to grow. Kent helps me off of the sofa, rubs lotion on my feet, tears down entire bathrooms, rips out carpet, repaints an entire house and still has the desire to discuss the right choice of light fixtures with me, even though at this point I just want a god damn light (-:
Honey as I drove off to work today, there you were, ripping out bushes and preparing for our landscapers to start on Wednesday. Then I know you had more demolition and a trip to the smelly dump. The hallway needs to be drywalled by tomorrow morning and prepped for the tapers arrival at 9am tomorrow. Somehow you are able to still make me laugh, tell me your concerns like, "how are we suppose to know what to do with Shim when we get home," and you are utterly optimistic about how having a family is a blessing and we will continue our date nights and travel love. Oh...and you also own your own business that is totally being randomly audited!
So Superman, thanks for making your Lois Lane so happy, particularly in this sometimes stressful and difficult time! I love you honey!
Happy 2nd Anniversary
I am a little behind in this post, but Kent and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary on Monday. We had wanted to get away for the week-end, but our house is taking over our lives. So we had sort of a "stay-cation." On Saturday we ran a couple of errands and then we drove to a small town called La Conner and had lunch and browsed the shops. We did get Shim a little frog for him/her to play with some day. I'm starting to wish, just a little, that we knew the sex of the baby. I believe though that this is saving me a ton of money, as I would probably be shopping like mad! After we left La Conner we stopped by ice cream and headed back home. Sunday morning Kent gave me the Petunia Pickle Bottom Diaper bag I have been eyeing. I love it, and he was so funny about it. This might be TMI, but I went to empty by bladder and came back to find the sheets all different. Kent had this under our bed and quickly tried to hide it under the covers. I was upset though because he agreed on no anniversary gifts and he said that this wasn't for our anniversary, it was because he knew I wanted it, even before we were pregnant.
We were both awake at this point so we went and enjoyed breakfast in the sun. We then went our separate ways during the day and then went to our favorite Sicilian restaurant, La Fontana.
We laugh every time we eat here because the waiters remind you 100x that the place is a very authentic Sicilian restaurant. It is totally yummy and we loved sitting outside by the water fountain.
It was so romantic. Kent and I were single for many years before we found one another. We reminisced about our vacations together, our shock of getting pregnant and the overall joy we have for one another. Last year we celebrated our anniversary with Champagne and Jewelry, this year it was water and a diaper bag. I wouldn't change it for the world! Love you honey!
We were both awake at this point so we went and enjoyed breakfast in the sun. We then went our separate ways during the day and then went to our favorite Sicilian restaurant, La Fontana.
We laugh every time we eat here because the waiters remind you 100x that the place is a very authentic Sicilian restaurant. It is totally yummy and we loved sitting outside by the water fountain.
It was so romantic. Kent and I were single for many years before we found one another. We reminisced about our vacations together, our shock of getting pregnant and the overall joy we have for one another. Last year we celebrated our anniversary with Champagne and Jewelry, this year it was water and a diaper bag. I wouldn't change it for the world! Love you honey!
Camping and Pregnancy.....
Camping and Pregnancy is like "chalk and cheese." My British friend Miles uses these lovely analogies that none of us understand. Basically, the two of them don't mix.
I felt nervous on Saturday morning as we were heading to Leavenworth. I'm having a hard time sleeping and the idea of being in a tent on an air mattress suddenly sounded very uncomfortable. When we planned this trip several months ago I was having no issues with being pregnant, I was mobile etc. Now I was finding myself 7 months pregnant and wanting to bail. I didn't though, I persevered, and made the most of it. When we arrived I was instantly attacked by mosquitoes and through a fit. Then I realized I didn't even think about bugs and bug spray and the safety for the baby. I was hungry, tired and being attacked which made me a ton of fun.
We quickly set up camp and made our way to the river for tubing. We arrived to find out we needed reservations and they were full. WTF is what was screaming in my brain. The only fun thing I was look towards this week-end was to float in the water. We waited for 2 hours and eventually we made our way onto the river. Getting into the tube was not the easiest thing as I found myself in a weird position that hurt my belly and back. The water was freezing and moving faster than last year. Within a few minutes I found myself in the brush being poked by sticks and I was pissed. Kent was having a blast and had pre-funked for 2 hours prior to getting on the river. Basically he was loaded and I felt a bit upset that he was to be my protector. I had to cut his ass loose twice as he fell out of his tube and there was no way I was going down with him.
The camping experience is one I do enjoy. I love the campfire, the smore making and seeing the stars. I was a trooper to the extreme as I couldn't get my fat ass out of the camping chairs, getting into a relaxing sleeping position was impossible and there were no tasty beverages I was able to enjoy. I did get to hang out with good friends and I know Kent had a blast. He was making me laugh so hard. It has been a hard few months with the home remodel and this was a great way for him to blow off steam.
I felt nervous on Saturday morning as we were heading to Leavenworth. I'm having a hard time sleeping and the idea of being in a tent on an air mattress suddenly sounded very uncomfortable. When we planned this trip several months ago I was having no issues with being pregnant, I was mobile etc. Now I was finding myself 7 months pregnant and wanting to bail. I didn't though, I persevered, and made the most of it. When we arrived I was instantly attacked by mosquitoes and through a fit. Then I realized I didn't even think about bugs and bug spray and the safety for the baby. I was hungry, tired and being attacked which made me a ton of fun.
We quickly set up camp and made our way to the river for tubing. We arrived to find out we needed reservations and they were full. WTF is what was screaming in my brain. The only fun thing I was look towards this week-end was to float in the water. We waited for 2 hours and eventually we made our way onto the river. Getting into the tube was not the easiest thing as I found myself in a weird position that hurt my belly and back. The water was freezing and moving faster than last year. Within a few minutes I found myself in the brush being poked by sticks and I was pissed. Kent was having a blast and had pre-funked for 2 hours prior to getting on the river. Basically he was loaded and I felt a bit upset that he was to be my protector. I had to cut his ass loose twice as he fell out of his tube and there was no way I was going down with him.
The camping experience is one I do enjoy. I love the campfire, the smore making and seeing the stars. I was a trooper to the extreme as I couldn't get my fat ass out of the camping chairs, getting into a relaxing sleeping position was impossible and there were no tasty beverages I was able to enjoy. I did get to hang out with good friends and I know Kent had a blast. He was making me laugh so hard. It has been a hard few months with the home remodel and this was a great way for him to blow off steam.
28 weeks....
I'm at this weird stage in my pregnancy where I am slowly starting to get tired again and worry. I am 28 weeks pregnant, I just can't believe it. I can still remember that ultrasound technician telling me I was pregnant, it feels like only yesterday. I am trying to combat my fears of childbirth, breastfeeding and the care of "shim" by breathing, reading and researching. Kent and I have started a 6 week course that covers the birth process, breastfeeding and bringing home the baby. I'm hoping that having the information will help the "tears of fear" as I refer to them.
Our first class was Monday and it went fairly well. We did see a live birth and it freaked me out. The video was old, and it was pretty obvious to me that there were no drugs happening for the moms. Plus, the live birth and then the birthing of the placenta was enough to kick my senses in overdrive. I swear to God I didn't know about the majority of what was taught, the length of the birth, the part about waiting a decent amount of time before going to the hospital and the complexity of all of it. I feel confident in our hospital, my doctor and I know that Kent is going to be able to help me get through it. I don't think we will have anyone else in the room, I feel like this has been our journey to get pregnant and the birth is our journey as well. Plus, the messiness of birth is my private business.
Kent and I have been busy on the nursery and it is almost done. He still needs to build a bookshelf, my mobile from Etsy has not arrived yet, nor the glider we are having made. I also haven't done the "organizing" of the closet etc, but we still have time for that. We are using Shim's closet anyways right now as we haven't converted our closet yet. We did have the walls painted, and I can't wait to show it.
We will be having 3 baby showers. One shower is sort of a couple's "drinking" shower, a work shower and then finally a small shower with friends and a few relatives who are in town. The whole shower thing frustrates me as my Mother tends to get involved somehow and piss me off. I didn't invite my 88 year old Grandma to the couple's shower as she is coming to the family shower. Apparently that is really rude of me. I give up. In 2 months this crap will be over with and I can focus on the baby coming, not the drama of the showers. I feel pissed right now that I am even having to focus on this last shower. I wanted to have a few friends over, who haven't seen my house, and a few family members who are in town. My sister is going to help me with it, but frankly, it is not on my list of priorities. Now that my mom and Grandma are upset, I'll have to crank up this simple shower into something else. Argh! I'll only be 37 weeks pregnant when it is happening! Hell I might even have had the baby already (-:
I am a bit of an emotional mess, but everything is actually going quite well. Kent was able to get two of our rooms drywalled and primed. Tonight we will start painting them and carpet will be installed on Tuesday. I hate carpet, but it is our only option right now. That will have our guest room completed and Kent's office. I am so excited to get his office cleaned and organized. I love Kent, but holy hell, is he messy with paperwork sometimes. We are also having some landscape done at the end of next week which will really make the front of the house stand out.
This week-end we are going camping and floating outside of Leavenworth. I'm probably crazy for doing this, but I'm tired of doing house stuff and we are going with two other couples. It should be a fun week-end. Happy Thursday!
Our first class was Monday and it went fairly well. We did see a live birth and it freaked me out. The video was old, and it was pretty obvious to me that there were no drugs happening for the moms. Plus, the live birth and then the birthing of the placenta was enough to kick my senses in overdrive. I swear to God I didn't know about the majority of what was taught, the length of the birth, the part about waiting a decent amount of time before going to the hospital and the complexity of all of it. I feel confident in our hospital, my doctor and I know that Kent is going to be able to help me get through it. I don't think we will have anyone else in the room, I feel like this has been our journey to get pregnant and the birth is our journey as well. Plus, the messiness of birth is my private business.
Kent and I have been busy on the nursery and it is almost done. He still needs to build a bookshelf, my mobile from Etsy has not arrived yet, nor the glider we are having made. I also haven't done the "organizing" of the closet etc, but we still have time for that. We are using Shim's closet anyways right now as we haven't converted our closet yet. We did have the walls painted, and I can't wait to show it.
We will be having 3 baby showers. One shower is sort of a couple's "drinking" shower, a work shower and then finally a small shower with friends and a few relatives who are in town. The whole shower thing frustrates me as my Mother tends to get involved somehow and piss me off. I didn't invite my 88 year old Grandma to the couple's shower as she is coming to the family shower. Apparently that is really rude of me. I give up. In 2 months this crap will be over with and I can focus on the baby coming, not the drama of the showers. I feel pissed right now that I am even having to focus on this last shower. I wanted to have a few friends over, who haven't seen my house, and a few family members who are in town. My sister is going to help me with it, but frankly, it is not on my list of priorities. Now that my mom and Grandma are upset, I'll have to crank up this simple shower into something else. Argh! I'll only be 37 weeks pregnant when it is happening! Hell I might even have had the baby already (-:
I am a bit of an emotional mess, but everything is actually going quite well. Kent was able to get two of our rooms drywalled and primed. Tonight we will start painting them and carpet will be installed on Tuesday. I hate carpet, but it is our only option right now. That will have our guest room completed and Kent's office. I am so excited to get his office cleaned and organized. I love Kent, but holy hell, is he messy with paperwork sometimes. We are also having some landscape done at the end of next week which will really make the front of the house stand out.
This week-end we are going camping and floating outside of Leavenworth. I'm probably crazy for doing this, but I'm tired of doing house stuff and we are going with two other couples. It should be a fun week-end. Happy Thursday!
Why I haven't blogged for so long...
Can you really blame me, looking at this photo of where our home computer is housed? This is the dumpiest level of the house, and one I just bypass as much as possible. The rest of this level is missing electricity, walls, the ceiling and the bathroom will soon have our exposed septic system. It is Ghetto with a capital G and I can't stand being around it. The disorganization makes my skin crawl.
To help alleviate the craziness I told Kent is was time to get started on the baby's room. I ordered our crib and on Father's Day Kent put it together.
I love this crib, I think it looks so cute. We went with a modern style crib, which my mother thinks looks like a prison, but I love it.
The baby's room (Shim's room--our nickname since we don't know if it is a she or a him) has become my new little project. Kent and I both have a passion for art, and we knew right away that we were going to have custom art pieces in the baby's room. Before we were pregnant we had purchased one piece of art that is just perfect.
I told Kent though that this had to be the last art we purchased until we were definitely pregnant. It took some time but now that we are 25 weeks pregnant, I feel better about buying these things for the room. Our latest purchase was a custom piece by a local artist, Matthew Porter, who does these monkey drawings that I love. He does super hero monkeys, artist monkeys, and my favorite, rock and roll monkeys. I knew I needed a Bono Monkey, and I contacted Matthew to make us one. I picked it up last night and here it is (sort of hard to capture due to the flash).
It turned out exactly like I hoped. This week-end I am working on the curtains and the crib skirt arrived today at work. It is all starting to come together, even if the rest of my house is in total shambles. Shim's room is right next door to our bedroom, and every night before I go to bed I walk in here and see nothing but happiness.
Reactions
Last night Kent and I were on the sofa, I was lying down, he was sitting there, and we were talking. We seem to always be talking about the house and recently we've been talking more about life; the fact we are going to be first time parents and what that is going to mean. As we are sitting there I could really feel the baby move, this is not new to me though as it is like a little flutter in my belly daily. Last night though the baby was in full force and I grabbed Kent's hand and he felt it too. There was something that became real for both of us last night as the baby kicked or pushed hard enough that Kent could feel it as well. I could tell he was excited, it was obvious by the expression on his face. It was excitement, amazement and probably a little disbelief. 7 months ago, almost to the day, I was in my office sobbing when I was told IVF was going to be our only option for having children. My left ovary was filled with a giant lemon sized cyst and my hopes of conceiving in 2009 were crushed. We moved on though and we celebrated the holidays and the start of 2010. Somehow we conceived on our own and now I am looking at artwork for our babies room instead of our living room. I've been very emotional the last few days, the emotions are bliss. I'm trying to be in this space of time with gratitude for what we have been blessed with and pushing the fear of the unknown away. I thank whoever is watching over me everyday for this chance Kent and I have been given. I wish those who desire as we did that they too will get their wish granted as well.
Ramblings of a pregnant woman
It's been two weeks since my last post and I'm a bit frustrated by that. I'm starting to get frustrated constantly. I'm tired of working on our house, our money pit of crap that just never seems to turn a corner to having one task done. Kent has been working so hard and I know he is tired of it as well. I almost started crying the other night when I realized we both are so tired at the end of the night that we just go to bed, no chatting, no cuddling, nothing...just fall asleep exhausted. I've had friends say, "when are you going to post pics of your house"? Well...here's why I haven't really posted many......
My house is in a wild heron sanctuary and apparently the last owner felt there was no need to ever trim a tree, I almost couldn't see the house when Kent first took me here.
Last week-end we literally killed ourselves, and my parents trying to trim the trees. This is just a small portion of the pile o' crap that is now my yard.
Look at these lovely bathroom shots that Kent "woo-ed" me with...
Here is where we are now....
Actually, we are a little farther, but you get the point.
Every night I come home, and I honestly run into a pile of this....
There is something about needing to wear shoes in your home for fear of a nail or screw jabbing you in the foot. Everything is dusty and I'm a tidy lady.
Luckily my man feels my pain and does this about 3x a week....
Loads this shit up and takes it to the dump!
Now to be fair, the house is actually looking better than some of these photos. We have been able to paint the entire outside, redo the deck, painted all of the kitchen cabinets and put new nobs on. The electrician is coming next week to do an overhaul and then drywall will go up in the rooms that we tore out paneling. I know my problem is that I see my belly growing more everyday, and I see that due date getting closer and my sense of freedom is dwindling. Kent and I should be trying to have some parties, travel a bit, enjoy our city and friends before our nugget arrives as everything is going to change. We haven't been able to do that though as this house has taken over. I know Kent is "nesting" now though and is really pushing to get everything ready before the baby comes. I love that about him. This week-end I hope to be able to look for curtains, a new coffee table and maybe buy the baby something fun.
My house is in a wild heron sanctuary and apparently the last owner felt there was no need to ever trim a tree, I almost couldn't see the house when Kent first took me here.
Last week-end we literally killed ourselves, and my parents trying to trim the trees. This is just a small portion of the pile o' crap that is now my yard.
Look at these lovely bathroom shots that Kent "woo-ed" me with...
Here is where we are now....
Actually, we are a little farther, but you get the point.
Every night I come home, and I honestly run into a pile of this....
There is something about needing to wear shoes in your home for fear of a nail or screw jabbing you in the foot. Everything is dusty and I'm a tidy lady.
Luckily my man feels my pain and does this about 3x a week....
Loads this shit up and takes it to the dump!
Now to be fair, the house is actually looking better than some of these photos. We have been able to paint the entire outside, redo the deck, painted all of the kitchen cabinets and put new nobs on. The electrician is coming next week to do an overhaul and then drywall will go up in the rooms that we tore out paneling. I know my problem is that I see my belly growing more everyday, and I see that due date getting closer and my sense of freedom is dwindling. Kent and I should be trying to have some parties, travel a bit, enjoy our city and friends before our nugget arrives as everything is going to change. We haven't been able to do that though as this house has taken over. I know Kent is "nesting" now though and is really pushing to get everything ready before the baby comes. I love that about him. This week-end I hope to be able to look for curtains, a new coffee table and maybe buy the baby something fun.
