Is it honestly a few days away from Thanksgiving and 1 month exactly from Christmas? It seems so hard to believe. In years past there was more enthusiasm for the holidays, but due to the sliding economy, things have changed. The commercialism of the holidays is different this year simply because people are barely able to make their house payment, let alone fulfill a Christmas wish list. It is seeming to me that because the holiday gifts are unable to be purchased, the holidays are feeling like just another day. I'm not hearing of lavish parties, the "tickle me elmo of this holiday" or any true enthusiasm regarding the upcoming days. These are merely what I have noticed but the more I discuss it with others, the more I realize that I am on the same page as many. I personally enjoy the holidays for many reasons, not just for what is under the tree. Something in particular is the kindness and warmth that can come from complete strangers. It could be a warm smile in the elevator and good wishes by a stranger. It can be heartfelt and rewarding, like adopting a family in need and bringing them some holiday joy.
Kent and I have decided that since we had such a generous, almost glutinous year filled with travel and our wedding we were going to forgo the multiple presents and buy 1 nice piece of art. Our budget is also feeling very stretched, like most people, so I have been scanning the papers for fun, free activities that we can participate in and get the feeling of the holidays back into our spirits. We are looking forward to the viewing of the holiday ships, riding the carousel at Westlake Center and this year I think we are going ice skating. Kent is generally a trouper and just agrees to anything I usually want to do. We already have our decorating day in place, I am planning on sending out holiday cards, making very small gifts for co-workers and neighbors. I am also going to really remember all of the good that is in the holidays, the unity it brings forth in many communities. Kent and I do not practice any religion on an ongoing basis, but I really use to love going to church during the holidays and singing. We have tickets this year to see the Seattle Men's Chorus again and I can't wait. I use to love to sing, even though I have a horrible voice. This holiday I think my gift to those around me will be a little pep in my step and a bit of cheer. As Charlotte sang to Wilbur , "Chin up, chin up / Everybody loves a happy face / Wear it, share it / It'll brighten up the darkest place / Twinkle, sparkle / Let a little sunshine in / You'll be on the right side, looking at the bright side / Up with your chinny-chin-chin, chin up!
TGIF
Yes, today is Friday and I am thankful. I've also thought that this might be a good day to remember my gratitude and be thankful for more than having a week-end off. This has been a good week and a crazy week. My gratitude feels full this week for the following:
1)My husband understanding and putting up with my "moods"
2)My belief in myself that it is OK to have a mind that is large and full of thoughts
3)Enjoying my time with other people's kids and being able to leave and go back to my simple world for a bit longer
4)My comfy new couch and pretty furniture
5)Good friends who remind me that friendships are so important
6)A fabulous meal cooked for me by a very caring person
7)My cats fur is slowly returning to normal
8)This Sunday I have nothing planned! Yeah
9)The totally unplanned lunch I just had with my husband during the work week...a work day lunch...this so never happens
Gratitude is something I am especially trying to rediscover right now. I feel a bit out of touch with reality and at times I am unable to see my truly good fortunes.
It is good to have gratitude
1)My husband understanding and putting up with my "moods"
2)My belief in myself that it is OK to have a mind that is large and full of thoughts
3)Enjoying my time with other people's kids and being able to leave and go back to my simple world for a bit longer
4)My comfy new couch and pretty furniture
5)Good friends who remind me that friendships are so important
6)A fabulous meal cooked for me by a very caring person
7)My cats fur is slowly returning to normal
8)This Sunday I have nothing planned! Yeah
9)The totally unplanned lunch I just had with my husband during the work week...a work day lunch...this so never happens
Gratitude is something I am especially trying to rediscover right now. I feel a bit out of touch with reality and at times I am unable to see my truly good fortunes.
It is good to have gratitude
What's that smell...?
It is the smell of fear. I finally figured out this crazy stress and anxiety I've been under the past few days. It is wrapped up in a pretty package with a name tag that says My Name is Fear. Now that I know this and have a bit more understanding I hope to God I can figure out what to do with it.
Fear is so common, especially lately, in these very traumatic financial times. I love that I had my light bulb moment yesterday when I realized my fear is solely based on the fact that my life, especially my financial life, is now more than just I can handle. By this I mean my mortgage, responsibilities and preferences are out of just my ability to control and repair. It been quite some time that I have felt like a dependant. I've been taking care of myself financially for many years. Sure my parents have given me a little bonus every now and then, but generally my bills are mine and I figure it out. Regardless of how hard I work, I am now a DIY or Dual Income Yuppie (what some mean check out lady told me I was at the Joanne Fabrics in Ballard as I was so impressed with all my wedding crafts I was DIYing). Anyways, it is a weird thing to be like, "Honey, do we have some money so I can get a massage?" Or discuss the grocery bills, the life bills, the bills, bills, bills. I a super organized dork with my spreadsheet of bills and due dates and I know which bills I pay out of what paycheck. I make exactly the same every paycheck which is truly an organized and planning woman's dream. I even keep a checking register and write down every transaction, even the few dollars I might spend on parking. I also have a secret tactic of rounding everything up so that my account has a little padding and I secretly save without knowing it.
So this fear will come now and again until I get use to my husband plopping a chunk of change into our account. His pay days don't come on a scheduled basis like mine. Lately I feel like we have hit the jackpot with his little pile of dough he hands over to me to "do what I would like with." So Mr. Davis, sorry for the drama lately! Your muffin loves you and has a febreeze ready the next time that smell hits our home.
Fear is so common, especially lately, in these very traumatic financial times. I love that I had my light bulb moment yesterday when I realized my fear is solely based on the fact that my life, especially my financial life, is now more than just I can handle. By this I mean my mortgage, responsibilities and preferences are out of just my ability to control and repair. It been quite some time that I have felt like a dependant. I've been taking care of myself financially for many years. Sure my parents have given me a little bonus every now and then, but generally my bills are mine and I figure it out. Regardless of how hard I work, I am now a DIY or Dual Income Yuppie (what some mean check out lady told me I was at the Joanne Fabrics in Ballard as I was so impressed with all my wedding crafts I was DIYing). Anyways, it is a weird thing to be like, "Honey, do we have some money so I can get a massage?" Or discuss the grocery bills, the life bills, the bills, bills, bills. I a super organized dork with my spreadsheet of bills and due dates and I know which bills I pay out of what paycheck. I make exactly the same every paycheck which is truly an organized and planning woman's dream. I even keep a checking register and write down every transaction, even the few dollars I might spend on parking. I also have a secret tactic of rounding everything up so that my account has a little padding and I secretly save without knowing it.
So this fear will come now and again until I get use to my husband plopping a chunk of change into our account. His pay days don't come on a scheduled basis like mine. Lately I feel like we have hit the jackpot with his little pile of dough he hands over to me to "do what I would like with." So Mr. Davis, sorry for the drama lately! Your muffin loves you and has a febreeze ready the next time that smell hits our home.
The rules of discussing happiness
How many times a day do you get asked, "How are you," or "How are things?" Possibly because I am in the public eye I get asked these question often. Patients who have been coming to the office I run are often wondering how I am doing and what has been going on. This beautiful, giant diamond ring on my left hand usually gives them quite a bit of joy and many questions to ask me. For the sake of not disclosing too much info to the patients I always give them an answer that makes them feel satisfied. I usually give a pleasing answer to most of those around me as well. When we ask such open-ended generic questions about happiness or feelings do we really want to hear the truth? I personally love it when someone is honest. I love it when someone actually tells the truth. The first month of having a newborn at home can not be easy, yet I always hear about how wonderful it is. The first few months of a new marriage can be trying, but all you hear about is wedded bliss. Is there anything wrong with speaking the truth, telling people what is really going on?
A few years ago, well more like 8, I had just graduated from the University of Washington. It took me forever, but I ended up with a degree in Sociology. I had visions of saving the world and working for an organization that could solve problems regarding health care, children's welfare or education. When you are in school they pump you full of do-good because you were sitting in a classroom and paying your dues for an education that would provide you a better life and a better income which could equal more happiness. I loved school and would never have changed anything, except I would have gone back for a Master's degree strictly for the love of learning. What I did find out though was how difficult it was to transition out of college and into the real world. I was plagued with uncertainty and I was so tired of hearing about how many opportunities I had before me. I was searching and searching for the answer and I discovered a book called "The Quarter-Life Crisis." This book was a voice of my peers who were facing the same daunting tasks of figuring out a career, paying off student loans and feeling satisfied. It was so refreshing to hear people speaking the honest truth about the difficulties they were facing. This wasn't a book filled with complaining and whining, it was actually just people being real for once about their happiness, their struggles and the same thoughts that I am sure plenty of my friends were experiencing as well.
We all define our happiness through different measures and there seem to be rules into the degree that we discuss our happiness with the outside world. I know many people question writing personal things at all in a blog or journal for fear someone may actually read them and discover the truth. I've been told repeatedly that my lips should be sealed when I am feeling insecure about myself and Kent is around. I've been told he shouldn't know these issues I have with myself because it will just give him another way to view my ways, my life, and possibly a view of me he didn't have before. Doesn't the truth have the potential of setting us free and gain some possible comfort, scolding or support?
Yesterday when Kent and I went shopping I tried on a blouse. I haven't been clothes shopping for several months because I have gained weight and I am upset about my appearance. While I was in the dressing room I was amazed at the image I saw. I do know that overhead lighting provides an awful backdrop to anything, but this image was pretty tough. I saw a body that had been pretty neglected (no fitness, poor food choices) and I was immediately upset. I started crying when I showed Kent the blouse, I couldn't even look him in the eye. Was it wrong to be so raw and honest with my husband about how I was feeling about myself? Do I really need to pretend that everything is OK even though I am about 13 pounds heavier than when we said I do? The tough part about weight gain or loss is that it is obvious to the entire world what is happening- you are either shrinking or growing. I have been doing both of these since I was a little girl. Kent can tell I have gained weight, I don't need to tell him this. He would never say anything to me, but we both comment on the tightness of our clothes and our desire to get back to the gym. I don't want to fake these emotions with my husband just so that he can feel better about me. I am sure some people may shake their head at this posting because I just don't get it. I do know how visual humans are, I have been overweight my whole life. I have been invisible to most men my entire life because of my body and the layer I enclosed myself in. I don't think that I should have to be invisible with my feelings though, because honestly, these are the only thing I had for many years. My feelings about life, my feelings about myself. Everything was mine only, because it was just me. When Kent is having a tough day, I now feel that too, because I want to. I want to support him and see if I can help him. Yesterday in that dressing I did not feel happiness, I felt an incredible surge of pain from many, many years of being overweight. When my husband saw me he first saw the woman he loved in a fun blouse and then he saw the true Lisa at that time. We can't be happy all the time and we can't act like we are happy all the time. Life is not about acting, life is about living. I am truly a very emotional and thinking human, at times it is probably frustrating to Kent because I focus so much on things. This is me.
I do know that at times I am unhappy, at times I am sad, at times I am emotionless, at times I am elated with joy, at times I am pleased and many many times I am just right. In reality there is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. The rules of discussing this happiness does not exist, because there really is no rules to love. Love is a great thing, even when you are in a Michael Kors blouse at the Downtown Seattle Macy's feeling sensitive about your body and all your husband sees is the lady he loves. My gratitude today is actually to myself. I am grateful that in those times of serious uncertainty and mental strain that I actually let myself feel those feelings, instead of acting and covering them up. I've covered myself and my emotions for years, it is time to really take these layers off.
A few years ago, well more like 8, I had just graduated from the University of Washington. It took me forever, but I ended up with a degree in Sociology. I had visions of saving the world and working for an organization that could solve problems regarding health care, children's welfare or education. When you are in school they pump you full of do-good because you were sitting in a classroom and paying your dues for an education that would provide you a better life and a better income which could equal more happiness. I loved school and would never have changed anything, except I would have gone back for a Master's degree strictly for the love of learning. What I did find out though was how difficult it was to transition out of college and into the real world. I was plagued with uncertainty and I was so tired of hearing about how many opportunities I had before me. I was searching and searching for the answer and I discovered a book called "The Quarter-Life Crisis." This book was a voice of my peers who were facing the same daunting tasks of figuring out a career, paying off student loans and feeling satisfied. It was so refreshing to hear people speaking the honest truth about the difficulties they were facing. This wasn't a book filled with complaining and whining, it was actually just people being real for once about their happiness, their struggles and the same thoughts that I am sure plenty of my friends were experiencing as well.
We all define our happiness through different measures and there seem to be rules into the degree that we discuss our happiness with the outside world. I know many people question writing personal things at all in a blog or journal for fear someone may actually read them and discover the truth. I've been told repeatedly that my lips should be sealed when I am feeling insecure about myself and Kent is around. I've been told he shouldn't know these issues I have with myself because it will just give him another way to view my ways, my life, and possibly a view of me he didn't have before. Doesn't the truth have the potential of setting us free and gain some possible comfort, scolding or support?
Yesterday when Kent and I went shopping I tried on a blouse. I haven't been clothes shopping for several months because I have gained weight and I am upset about my appearance. While I was in the dressing room I was amazed at the image I saw. I do know that overhead lighting provides an awful backdrop to anything, but this image was pretty tough. I saw a body that had been pretty neglected (no fitness, poor food choices) and I was immediately upset. I started crying when I showed Kent the blouse, I couldn't even look him in the eye. Was it wrong to be so raw and honest with my husband about how I was feeling about myself? Do I really need to pretend that everything is OK even though I am about 13 pounds heavier than when we said I do? The tough part about weight gain or loss is that it is obvious to the entire world what is happening- you are either shrinking or growing. I have been doing both of these since I was a little girl. Kent can tell I have gained weight, I don't need to tell him this. He would never say anything to me, but we both comment on the tightness of our clothes and our desire to get back to the gym. I don't want to fake these emotions with my husband just so that he can feel better about me. I am sure some people may shake their head at this posting because I just don't get it. I do know how visual humans are, I have been overweight my whole life. I have been invisible to most men my entire life because of my body and the layer I enclosed myself in. I don't think that I should have to be invisible with my feelings though, because honestly, these are the only thing I had for many years. My feelings about life, my feelings about myself. Everything was mine only, because it was just me. When Kent is having a tough day, I now feel that too, because I want to. I want to support him and see if I can help him. Yesterday in that dressing I did not feel happiness, I felt an incredible surge of pain from many, many years of being overweight. When my husband saw me he first saw the woman he loved in a fun blouse and then he saw the true Lisa at that time. We can't be happy all the time and we can't act like we are happy all the time. Life is not about acting, life is about living. I am truly a very emotional and thinking human, at times it is probably frustrating to Kent because I focus so much on things. This is me.
I do know that at times I am unhappy, at times I am sad, at times I am emotionless, at times I am elated with joy, at times I am pleased and many many times I am just right. In reality there is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. The rules of discussing this happiness does not exist, because there really is no rules to love. Love is a great thing, even when you are in a Michael Kors blouse at the Downtown Seattle Macy's feeling sensitive about your body and all your husband sees is the lady he loves. My gratitude today is actually to myself. I am grateful that in those times of serious uncertainty and mental strain that I actually let myself feel those feelings, instead of acting and covering them up. I've covered myself and my emotions for years, it is time to really take these layers off.
You've got to have friends...
Before I was married, or even dating Kent, I felt like my phone rang off the hook. By Tuesday I pretty much knew what I was going to do over the week-end. I am fairly social and would rather be with friends than at my apartment by myself with my sweet dog Frank Kelley.
Can you believe how cute he is!
I was very active with my friendships and worked hard at them. I remembered birthdays and planned social outings as much as I could. As time has passed though I have found myself slowly less social, or I should say social in a different way. Before I met Kent I would come home after a day of working in a busy medical practice where I was constantly moving, talking and thinking and I would just sit and watch TV, read a book and walk Frank. I found ways to occupy my time and I did get lonely now and then. I would often call my friend Susan and we would chat constantly, even though we had emailed all day long too. Susan was my person, sort of like Meredith and Christina on Grey's Anatomy. That is just us, we talk and talk and always have each other's back. That is a cool feeling to just know you have a person.
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Susan & I a few years ago
Now that I have been in a relationship for the past 2 years and recently married I have found myself reaching less and less for the phone or my calendar to plan events. I have someone to eat with, go to the movies, shop (I know, I can't believe it either) and offer companionship. I don't have to schedule this time because Kent and I are a team, we are constantly together and checking in.
Recently I was thinking to myself that my own phone is quiet silent. I will have the occasional phone call, but it is pretty much silent. It makes me sort of sad, but it is understandable. As I have changed, so have many of my friends and relationships. Some are having babies, some are dating, some are moving and starting new careers. People change, relationships change, life changes. I struggle a bit with change but I know that this is just a natural progression. I also know how much I love my friends and how important their friendships are to me.
One of the things that I have enjoyed about this blog is the newly rekindled friendship I have with my friend Lucy. We met one another at 4 Georgians Elementary School in Helena Montana. We lived in the same neighborhood, only a few blocks away. We did so many things together, we were true buddies. I remember how much we would laugh and how we had big plans for our futures. We would do the craziest things, all that are too many to tell. We have different lives, but I can still remember our love of Bon Jovi, how we would watch TV in my parents basement and how I was the same height as she was in the 6th grade. Lucy has surpassed my height by many, many inches, but that's ok. She now has a family of 3 boys, a husband whose on a new adventure and finally done with school, but she did something so wonderful...even through all of this she came to my wedding. She left her family and made a special trip to see me get married. We hadn't seen each other for several years, I think our high school reunion was the last time. When we saw one another at my wedding I was so elated. This feeling reminded me of when I was leaving for Seattle to go to college. I was one of the first people to leave for school and we were at a party with many people. We each left the party separately, but I realized I didn't get to say good-bye and spend a few moments with my friend. At 3am I ran over to her house, like I would have when I was 9 years old and we hung out until 5:30am, when my parents and I were suppose to be leaving for Seattle.
I have been reading Lucy's blog for several years now and I have so enjoyed seeing her family and her life. I don't have the family Lucy does or the same responsibilities, but when I read her posts I can still hear her voice, her laugh, and I feel like I am getting an audio reading of her life. Having Lucy make such huge leaps and bounds to make it to my wedding, where I literally had 5-10 minutes with her, proves to me how strong friendships can be. How even though it was only a few minutes, it meant so much to me. We may not be running over to each other's houses anymore, or sharing a Diet Pepsi and watching Beverly Hills Cops on the VCR, but we can still find one another through this world wide web.
My gratitude today is my friends. Regardless of how often I see them or speak to them, they are still my peeps and I love that about each of them. Thank you Lucy for reminding me of this.
PS...Sorry I had to steal your picture--I didn't carry a camera with me that day!
Can you believe how cute he is!
I was very active with my friendships and worked hard at them. I remembered birthdays and planned social outings as much as I could. As time has passed though I have found myself slowly less social, or I should say social in a different way. Before I met Kent I would come home after a day of working in a busy medical practice where I was constantly moving, talking and thinking and I would just sit and watch TV, read a book and walk Frank. I found ways to occupy my time and I did get lonely now and then. I would often call my friend Susan and we would chat constantly, even though we had emailed all day long too. Susan was my person, sort of like Meredith and Christina on Grey's Anatomy. That is just us, we talk and talk and always have each other's back. That is a cool feeling to just know you have a person.
.jpg)
Susan & I a few years ago
Now that I have been in a relationship for the past 2 years and recently married I have found myself reaching less and less for the phone or my calendar to plan events. I have someone to eat with, go to the movies, shop (I know, I can't believe it either) and offer companionship. I don't have to schedule this time because Kent and I are a team, we are constantly together and checking in.
Recently I was thinking to myself that my own phone is quiet silent. I will have the occasional phone call, but it is pretty much silent. It makes me sort of sad, but it is understandable. As I have changed, so have many of my friends and relationships. Some are having babies, some are dating, some are moving and starting new careers. People change, relationships change, life changes. I struggle a bit with change but I know that this is just a natural progression. I also know how much I love my friends and how important their friendships are to me.
One of the things that I have enjoyed about this blog is the newly rekindled friendship I have with my friend Lucy. We met one another at 4 Georgians Elementary School in Helena Montana. We lived in the same neighborhood, only a few blocks away. We did so many things together, we were true buddies. I remember how much we would laugh and how we had big plans for our futures. We would do the craziest things, all that are too many to tell. We have different lives, but I can still remember our love of Bon Jovi, how we would watch TV in my parents basement and how I was the same height as she was in the 6th grade. Lucy has surpassed my height by many, many inches, but that's ok. She now has a family of 3 boys, a husband whose on a new adventure and finally done with school, but she did something so wonderful...even through all of this she came to my wedding. She left her family and made a special trip to see me get married. We hadn't seen each other for several years, I think our high school reunion was the last time. When we saw one another at my wedding I was so elated. This feeling reminded me of when I was leaving for Seattle to go to college. I was one of the first people to leave for school and we were at a party with many people. We each left the party separately, but I realized I didn't get to say good-bye and spend a few moments with my friend. At 3am I ran over to her house, like I would have when I was 9 years old and we hung out until 5:30am, when my parents and I were suppose to be leaving for Seattle.
I have been reading Lucy's blog for several years now and I have so enjoyed seeing her family and her life. I don't have the family Lucy does or the same responsibilities, but when I read her posts I can still hear her voice, her laugh, and I feel like I am getting an audio reading of her life. Having Lucy make such huge leaps and bounds to make it to my wedding, where I literally had 5-10 minutes with her, proves to me how strong friendships can be. How even though it was only a few minutes, it meant so much to me. We may not be running over to each other's houses anymore, or sharing a Diet Pepsi and watching Beverly Hills Cops on the VCR, but we can still find one another through this world wide web.
My gratitude today is my friends. Regardless of how often I see them or speak to them, they are still my peeps and I love that about each of them. Thank you Lucy for reminding me of this.
PS...Sorry I had to steal your picture--I didn't carry a camera with me that day!
My man...
For some crazy reason I find that society as a whole often forgets the gratitude they have to those people that they are blessed with, in love with, friends with and confidants with. We get busy and accustomed to these people being around us and at times we take advantage of their companionship and love. So today in a quick post I want to give a shout out to my husband (still makes me laugh to say this). Everyday I see the small and subtle ways he tries to make me happy. The funny thing though is all I need is to see his smile and a big hug. I appreciate how much he tries to do things around the house, how he has such a fantastic eye for detail and how he doesn't sweat the small stuff. Even when he is dog-ass tired he will still listen to me for hours about some drama or funny story and never gets annoyed (or at least he doesn't show it). He will "make it happen" in a moments notice and understands when I need his help, his ear or just some time to myself.
To my Kent, thank you for being such a rock in my world. Thank you for being a protector, comedian and best man friend anyone can ask for.
I love you honey.
To my Kent, thank you for being such a rock in my world. Thank you for being a protector, comedian and best man friend anyone can ask for.
I love you honey.
Who knew....
Who knew we have so much crap filling our house up? We took the triplex off the market so now we are working on sprucing it up. We are not done, but super close. I did take before pictures and will post the after photos when it is complete. Here's the problem Kent and I have now that we are staying put, we have SO much stuff...things that really don't mean much to me, but are important to Kent. I am a super sentimental person, but I have a great memory and generally only need some photos to cherish the times. Kent has a collection of many items that are important to his family, his heritage and his memories. Life and marriage is about compromise, but wow, I am so not use to having so many "things." We laugh at how I love a tidy place, but this is a place for both of us to make a home out of it. I love everything we have done so far and I can't wait until things are put in storage, things are taken to Goodwill and the rest of the furniture arrives. Seattle's rainy times are here now and I think the new furnishings will help us survive another gray and cold winter.
On a positive and personal note I have finally hit the eating wall. I have been so out of control lately with my food so thankfully I woke up the other day and said enough is enough. I turned down several sweets from patients and threw away what little junk food was in the house. Kent and I are both ready to get back on track. There is a little embarrassment and frustration that I still have about how I sort of just quit the healthy lifestyle I use to live. What I will focus on though is the baby steps I will take again towards those positive goals of health. Plus my pants are so dang tight I might split the ass out!
On a positive and personal note I have finally hit the eating wall. I have been so out of control lately with my food so thankfully I woke up the other day and said enough is enough. I turned down several sweets from patients and threw away what little junk food was in the house. Kent and I are both ready to get back on track. There is a little embarrassment and frustration that I still have about how I sort of just quit the healthy lifestyle I use to live. What I will focus on though is the baby steps I will take again towards those positive goals of health. Plus my pants are so dang tight I might split the ass out!
TGIF....
It has been such a long week. I feel a bit like a broken record. This morning I woke up after another restless night of sleep and just felt so emotional about going to work. Stress is a part of all of our lives, but I am not use to having it for such a long period of time. Kent and I were driving last night and I told him I needed a mantra for when the "evil thoughts/stresses/worries" of the work world entered my brain at all times of the day. Kent's mantra was simple and perfect. "I have a life"...this is my mantra for when the creeping insecurities of life bog me down. I have more than just a life, I have a great life. I have the most amazing partner and best friend (male friend I tell him) in the world. My gratitude for the day is my husband, who I adore. Thank you for putting up with me and loving me until the end. Even when I'm snarky or have a 'tude.
What I also love about my husband is the fact that we are both so in sync about many things. This week-end we are painting our TV room and our new furniture will arrive next week-end. I will for sure post a before and after. I'm nervous about the color I chose, but we can always paint it again. Since our home did not sell, we are taking it off the market and allowing ourselves a bit of luxury and redoing some parts of the home. Our TV room has the most uncomfortable sofa but it is something that is "classic" as Kent says and we will one day re-upholster it and put some thicker cushions on it. We have also just picked out our "first Christmas together gift" (who knew these existed). It is a beautiful piece of art that we found at a gallery on Bainbridge Island last week-end while we were lunching with friends. It was one of those pieces that while we were casually walking past the gallery we both saw it and had to go in and see....
There is something so simple and beautiful about this painting. We are going to re- frame it, but I think it will look lovely in our new TV room. Honey Happy First Christmas and Birthday (-; Thank you for having such a fabulous vision. Love Your Muffin!
What I also love about my husband is the fact that we are both so in sync about many things. This week-end we are painting our TV room and our new furniture will arrive next week-end. I will for sure post a before and after. I'm nervous about the color I chose, but we can always paint it again. Since our home did not sell, we are taking it off the market and allowing ourselves a bit of luxury and redoing some parts of the home. Our TV room has the most uncomfortable sofa but it is something that is "classic" as Kent says and we will one day re-upholster it and put some thicker cushions on it. We have also just picked out our "first Christmas together gift" (who knew these existed). It is a beautiful piece of art that we found at a gallery on Bainbridge Island last week-end while we were lunching with friends. It was one of those pieces that while we were casually walking past the gallery we both saw it and had to go in and see....
There is something so simple and beautiful about this painting. We are going to re- frame it, but I think it will look lovely in our new TV room. Honey Happy First Christmas and Birthday (-; Thank you for having such a fabulous vision. Love Your Muffin!
The tough road ahead........
Last night as I heard fireworks in my neighborhood I knew what had just happened. Due to my incredible amount of anxiety I wouldn't allow Kent and I to watch the news or CNN. We were watching Desperate Housewives when the news broke that Obama won. I wanted to try and avert my attention to a ridiculous TV show while the votes were still coming in. I truly did not think we would know who our next President would be until late in the night. When those fireworks started though I knew it. I started screaming for Kent to give me the remote and I quickly turned the channel and saw it. Tens of thousands of people feeling exactly my emotions. Wow! We had just elected Barack Obama to be our next President. I honestly am not a political junkie, I just felt such a strong urge to have a completely different vision for this country. I went to bed with a smile on my face...it could have been from Obama's speech or the wine, pizza and gelato I had consumed that evening.
Now that the news is settling in around the world I am realizing what a tough task this will be. Regardless of who would have won, either of these men would be in for a tough road. I do feel though that Obama will somehow gather his strengths and manage it the best he can. This morning I was driving to work and really reflecting on this change that is taking place. I was thinking about the determination it took for Obama to get elected. For almost 2 years he has been on the campaign trail trying to get his voice heard and to accomplish the goal he set out to win. Here is the part of this story that actually pisses me off to write about; my brain actually thought today that if a Black man can be President, than I can lose weight. My weight has always been a struggle, like a serious struggle. It consumes my life and predicts what type of day I will be having. I sort of see the road Obama and I have ahead of us as one that is going to be bumpy for some time.
For the past several months I have turned to food as a way to comfort myself. It is frustrating that I do this though because it causes problems in my moods, my relationship with Kent and the way I feel about myself. I keep making excuses for why I can't workout or why I can justify the large amount of food or poor choices. I am so fed up though with thinking about my weight. I honestly think this is one of the reasons why I have pretty much given up on myself. It is just so overwhelming to have to think about every little thing that enters my mouth. It pisses me off when other people eat the same way or even worse and they don't gain a pound. I'm sick of hearing about how I am big boned, or that I am muscular. The truth is that I have just given up on myself and I can not do this anymore. My life is bigger than just what I see or think. Kent and I are thinking about kids and I want to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. This task of losing weight and preparing my body is honestly going to be a very difficult task for me. I may need to just focus on the determination Obama held during this campaign and pay careful attention to the fact that it was a long and steady race, but he finished first.
It is probably pretty shallow to be writing this post. I see no need though to not write about what I am thinking. I have been on a diet since I was 6 years old. Honestly, 6 years old. I have tried every diet book, scheme or gimmick I can get my hands on. When I think about my future I see one big a** road with many twists and turns, but somehow I am going to jump on my determination bandwagon and find a way to reach my health goals. To President-elect Barack Obama, thank you for giving me a little extra push to accomplish a goal that I have never thought possible; a healthy body weight. Being elected the first Black President and losing weight may not be the best correlation, but I think we can all recognize that determination is determination, we each just have a different goal.
Now that the news is settling in around the world I am realizing what a tough task this will be. Regardless of who would have won, either of these men would be in for a tough road. I do feel though that Obama will somehow gather his strengths and manage it the best he can. This morning I was driving to work and really reflecting on this change that is taking place. I was thinking about the determination it took for Obama to get elected. For almost 2 years he has been on the campaign trail trying to get his voice heard and to accomplish the goal he set out to win. Here is the part of this story that actually pisses me off to write about; my brain actually thought today that if a Black man can be President, than I can lose weight. My weight has always been a struggle, like a serious struggle. It consumes my life and predicts what type of day I will be having. I sort of see the road Obama and I have ahead of us as one that is going to be bumpy for some time.
For the past several months I have turned to food as a way to comfort myself. It is frustrating that I do this though because it causes problems in my moods, my relationship with Kent and the way I feel about myself. I keep making excuses for why I can't workout or why I can justify the large amount of food or poor choices. I am so fed up though with thinking about my weight. I honestly think this is one of the reasons why I have pretty much given up on myself. It is just so overwhelming to have to think about every little thing that enters my mouth. It pisses me off when other people eat the same way or even worse and they don't gain a pound. I'm sick of hearing about how I am big boned, or that I am muscular. The truth is that I have just given up on myself and I can not do this anymore. My life is bigger than just what I see or think. Kent and I are thinking about kids and I want to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. This task of losing weight and preparing my body is honestly going to be a very difficult task for me. I may need to just focus on the determination Obama held during this campaign and pay careful attention to the fact that it was a long and steady race, but he finished first.
It is probably pretty shallow to be writing this post. I see no need though to not write about what I am thinking. I have been on a diet since I was 6 years old. Honestly, 6 years old. I have tried every diet book, scheme or gimmick I can get my hands on. When I think about my future I see one big a** road with many twists and turns, but somehow I am going to jump on my determination bandwagon and find a way to reach my health goals. To President-elect Barack Obama, thank you for giving me a little extra push to accomplish a goal that I have never thought possible; a healthy body weight. Being elected the first Black President and losing weight may not be the best correlation, but I think we can all recognize that determination is determination, we each just have a different goal.
Wishin' and Hopin' and Prayin'....
I really don't want to jump onto the political soapbox or bandwagon right now but I am sitting here with butterflies in my tummy wondering how the evening will progress with the political maps and electoral votes. I have always had my own beliefs regarding abortion, gay rights, human rights and equality. We are all entitled to our opinions and beliefs. That is one of the things that is so appreciated by the outside world. You can have an opinion and not be worried about voicing it.
This morning Kent was asking me why I was so nervous and I yelled back, "we are going to have kids in the next 4 years, do you really want them to be born in this world?" OK so maybe this is super irrational. I am just feeling like this country, this world needs the US to pull itself back together under a new direction. I remember when I was in Prague and Berlin in the fall of 2004. The debates between Kerry and Bush had just taken place and the first 6 pages, 6 PAGES, of the newspapers in Berlin & Prague were regarding the debates. I want everyone to really think about this. How many times has social injustice, war or an outbreak happen in another country and we are completely oblivious to it. 6 pages of these two major papers were regarding the debates and what each of these candidates believed in. The US at times does not see how this country is a foundation for the entire world. Just look at our housing and stock markets...the Dow crashes and it creates world wide panic and crisis.
I have no idea how tonight is going to turn out. I am not going to call it a victory until there is absolutely no possible way that the presidency will sway from one party to another. I am not running to Canada if my particular choice does not win. I will have to hope that either way this country will find a way to unite again. I am still wishin' and hopin' and prayin' for my candidate!!
This morning Kent was asking me why I was so nervous and I yelled back, "we are going to have kids in the next 4 years, do you really want them to be born in this world?" OK so maybe this is super irrational. I am just feeling like this country, this world needs the US to pull itself back together under a new direction. I remember when I was in Prague and Berlin in the fall of 2004. The debates between Kerry and Bush had just taken place and the first 6 pages, 6 PAGES, of the newspapers in Berlin & Prague were regarding the debates. I want everyone to really think about this. How many times has social injustice, war or an outbreak happen in another country and we are completely oblivious to it. 6 pages of these two major papers were regarding the debates and what each of these candidates believed in. The US at times does not see how this country is a foundation for the entire world. Just look at our housing and stock markets...the Dow crashes and it creates world wide panic and crisis.
I have no idea how tonight is going to turn out. I am not going to call it a victory until there is absolutely no possible way that the presidency will sway from one party to another. I am not running to Canada if my particular choice does not win. I will have to hope that either way this country will find a way to unite again. I am still wishin' and hopin' and prayin' for my candidate!!
Post Halloween 2008
Halloween 2008 was another fun year filled with ridiculous costumes, laughter and beer. Thank you Monika to another great Halloween and a pot full of yummy spiked cider. Kent you rock my world as Richard Simmons... 
Can you believe I married this man?
Our lovely hostess Monika went as the fabulous Dolly Parton...
The more reserved Dolly costume of the evening
I chose to be Candy the Cougar. An older lady on the prowl for a younger man..
The sad part is that I actually OWNED all of these clothes and makeup!
We had many other fabulous guests, Amy Winehouse
MacGrubber, A Teletubby and more. Everyone had a great time and we can't wait until next year. Our annual Halloween party at Monika's...woo hoo! Thanks lady!
Can you believe I married this man?
Our lovely hostess Monika went as the fabulous Dolly Parton...
The more reserved Dolly costume of the evening
I chose to be Candy the Cougar. An older lady on the prowl for a younger man..
The sad part is that I actually OWNED all of these clothes and makeup!
We had many other fabulous guests, Amy Winehouse
MacGrubber, A Teletubby and more. Everyone had a great time and we can't wait until next year. Our annual Halloween party at Monika's...woo hoo! Thanks lady!
