I have been unable to get into my computer recently to download photos that I've been wanting to share of our home and what we have been up to. I'm so tired though and swamped with things. Moving is tough, and then trying to remodel and make your new home a comfy place is not a speedy thing. Kent and I had a family meeting this week and we are both on task, budget and he knows his cutoff is the first part of September.
I can't believe I am 18 weeks pregnant. It is starting to hit me this week, the realization of what is happening. I have felt the baby move and it bizarre and comforting at the same time. It's like a little flutter in my lower abdomen and it makes me tear up just thinking about it. I think the move has been stressful and the pregnancy is not on our minds. This wake up call from our little nugget though has propelled me once again into emotional overload and the tears just flow. Today I was walking to the store to get lunch and it just hit me, I'm pregnant, I love my husband, it's sunny out...and I totally started crying. The only thing that jolted me out of this teary state was the two guys who blocked the sidewalk and wouldn't let me pass. Apparently I have nice eyes, and beautiful hair, and "hey baby, can't we just talk." To that I laughed and yelled, "No, I'm married and pregnant," and this just sent me into a laughing fit. They both said, oh, have a nice day.
Happy Friday Everyone!
Showing posts with label TGIF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TGIF. Show all posts
We are movin' on up....
Last night we picked up our one key (WTF) to our new home. Kent is beyond excited, home remodeling is his passion. I'll post pics once I can find my camera, but I can see us being in this space for several years. The neighbors are friendly, it is SO quiet it almost freaks me out and the potential of the home is unimaginable (meaning it is sort of dumpy as is!) This week-end we will move as much as we can, like art work and breakables. The official move will happen on Monday by two men who have no clue that we have 20 stairs they have to climb to get to our triplex (I do feel sorry for them). I'm excited about Kent and I finally designing our own home together and preparing for our little one. Happy Friday!!!!!
Sun, Sun, Sun
Oh, how I love that it is Friday. My plans this week-end are quite simple, time to clean up the yard. They are predicting 60 degrees and sunny on Saturday and I am hitting the dirt. I am no master gardener, but I'm so tired of being cooped up. Our little trip to Palm Springs invigorated me to get a move on cleaning things up and preparing for Spring.
We put an offer in on the Magnolia house with visions of 70's strewn all over it. Apparently the seller is "really busy" and will get back to us later today. How busy is he really...my guess is he's busy being pissed at the low ball offer we gave him. His inability to view his current property and it's worth should be interesting with the counter offer we are expecting. It's exciting and a bit nerve wracking in all.
Last night I was able to get a mani-pedi with my BFF Susan who I don't see very often anymore due to her new baby. We had a great time and then I came home to find this beautiful box on the counter wrapped with a ribbon. Kent is such a charmer that I instantly hugged him and then whispered in his ear, "is that present for me?" He sort of stuttered and looked me in the eye and said, "that's Stoney, Muffin (Muffin's my nickname). I totally burst into tears because I still miss Stoney so much and hate that we never were able to say good-bye. I was just caught off guard for awhile and eventually I found a nice little place for him in our home with the view of the city that he so loved.
My TGIF for today is that it is Friday, I'm grateful to have a couple of days off to relax and reinvest in my home and myself.
We put an offer in on the Magnolia house with visions of 70's strewn all over it. Apparently the seller is "really busy" and will get back to us later today. How busy is he really...my guess is he's busy being pissed at the low ball offer we gave him. His inability to view his current property and it's worth should be interesting with the counter offer we are expecting. It's exciting and a bit nerve wracking in all.
Last night I was able to get a mani-pedi with my BFF Susan who I don't see very often anymore due to her new baby. We had a great time and then I came home to find this beautiful box on the counter wrapped with a ribbon. Kent is such a charmer that I instantly hugged him and then whispered in his ear, "is that present for me?" He sort of stuttered and looked me in the eye and said, "that's Stoney, Muffin (Muffin's my nickname). I totally burst into tears because I still miss Stoney so much and hate that we never were able to say good-bye. I was just caught off guard for awhile and eventually I found a nice little place for him in our home with the view of the city that he so loved.
My TGIF for today is that it is Friday, I'm grateful to have a couple of days off to relax and reinvest in my home and myself.
Palm Springs and My 6th Grade Crush
Kent and I had a blast in Palm Springs. The weather was amazing, we rested well, played in the sun, hung out at the pool, rode our bikes to the coffee shop etc. We went to LaQuinta, which is a suburb outside of Palm Springs. Our friends have a house in Rancho LaQuinta, this amazingly pristine golf course. When you enter the gates it is like you are in a secret club...one where no leaf is left on the ground or blade of grass too long. It is almost frightening how perfect it is, but in all honesty, it was kind of refreshing. Our neighborhood in Seattle is always getting tagged by some A*hole who calls himself Bleak. He wrote Boner on Kent's work van one evening while we were sleeping. The most out of touch thing I saw in this gated community is a lonely grapefruit that had fallen off of someones tree and rolled into the street. It was crazy how easily I noticed it, but it was the only thing out of place. It was a great trip though and one we hope to repeat yearly as our friends are so gracious and the casita they have fits us perfectly.
The really difficult part of our trip is my sister and dad had to take Stoney to the vet and put him down. We were so sad, it was awful. I couldn't have them try to keep him alive though so that we could say good-bye. It just didn't seem right. He was getting so weak and he went downhill in a matter of days. I know he is in a good place though, that is what I keep reminding myself. I am a total dog lover, but this cat was crazy funny and I miss him terribly.
My TGIF for today is the fact that I am totally excited to be going to see Jon Bon Jovi tomorrow night with my friend Mary Pat and her husband Jon. Jon is a butt rocker to the fullest, he is hilarious as well. During the 6th grade I was obsessed with Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet was my album. The speakers in my basement that were the size of me blared out Living on a Prayer until my ears rang. Kent and Mary Pat are not too excited about the concert, I think they are more excited to see what Jon and I will do. Here is the exact poster that was on my wall for several years above my bed. Oh Jon Bon Jovi...will you remember me?
Have a great week-end everyone!
The really difficult part of our trip is my sister and dad had to take Stoney to the vet and put him down. We were so sad, it was awful. I couldn't have them try to keep him alive though so that we could say good-bye. It just didn't seem right. He was getting so weak and he went downhill in a matter of days. I know he is in a good place though, that is what I keep reminding myself. I am a total dog lover, but this cat was crazy funny and I miss him terribly.
My TGIF for today is the fact that I am totally excited to be going to see Jon Bon Jovi tomorrow night with my friend Mary Pat and her husband Jon. Jon is a butt rocker to the fullest, he is hilarious as well. During the 6th grade I was obsessed with Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet was my album. The speakers in my basement that were the size of me blared out Living on a Prayer until my ears rang. Kent and Mary Pat are not too excited about the concert, I think they are more excited to see what Jon and I will do. Here is the exact poster that was on my wall for several years above my bed. Oh Jon Bon Jovi...will you remember me?
Have a great week-end everyone!
TGIF
I'm feeling excited lately about how focused I've been. There has to be something about not being on any fertility drugs right now, but really, I think there is more to it.
-I have worked out 5x this week! In the rain, in the cold and at 5:30am!
-I have continued taking my daily dose of fish oil and all of my vitamins!
-Sleep..I've been conscious about going to be when I feel tired. Last night it was 9:30 which is unheard of for me.
-Pre-planned dinner on Sunday night and successfully cooked all this week.
-Did more research about PCOS and finding anti-inflammatory foods. It makes a difference.
-Focused on the good, the positive and a healthy future.
The best part...today is Friday and I have not over booked us for the week-end. I have a multitude of recipes I want to try out and freeze and new items to add to my revised PCOS friendly diet.
Yeah Friday!
-I have worked out 5x this week! In the rain, in the cold and at 5:30am!
-I have continued taking my daily dose of fish oil and all of my vitamins!
-Sleep..I've been conscious about going to be when I feel tired. Last night it was 9:30 which is unheard of for me.
-Pre-planned dinner on Sunday night and successfully cooked all this week.
-Did more research about PCOS and finding anti-inflammatory foods. It makes a difference.
-Focused on the good, the positive and a healthy future.
The best part...today is Friday and I have not over booked us for the week-end. I have a multitude of recipes I want to try out and freeze and new items to add to my revised PCOS friendly diet.
Yeah Friday!
TGIF
Today I have begun a journey that I hope to continue over the next 4-6 weeks. This is a journey to pick myself off of the "floor" and rediscover who I am. I'm ashamed at the constant neglect of myself and my emotions. Last night I sobbed to Kent, asking him to let me quit my job, as the stress and emotional overload is overwhelming. Knowing that is not an option for many reasons I've realized that I can either wallow in pity and continue falling further and further, or I can reach out for help and reach within myself as well.
Yesterday my BFF Susan was reminding me of how every goal I have wanted I have achieved. We've known each other for many years. She and I met while I worked at the Westin hotel and I was finishing up at the UW. She has watched me graduate, conquer weight loss and fitness goals of 1/2 marathons and triathlons and truly test myself to the maximum by allowing myself to find the courage to date which ultimately allowed me to meet and marry the most incredible man. Since we have been married though I have had a secret underlying fear of infertility. I have known that I have PCOS and that this is the leading cause of infertility. Being that I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would find the courage to allow someone to love me, I was not worried about the pregnancy thing. My marriage is wonderful, but this fear of infertility is robbing it of the joy that was once there.
Today I found myself reading a book that I have had on my shelf for quite some time. It is a book about one's emotions and how much of a prisoner we are within ourselves. I've combated years of not feeling worthy, regardless of the relentless pursuit I put towards things. I'm a 100% or nothing kind of lady. This is not life though, this is a death sentence as I can not be perfect all the time. The quote that really stuck out for me was referring to emotional freedom and how we can view our emotions and the stronghold they have on us. "To make this a reality (emotional freedom) you must begin to see each event of your life, uplifting or hurtful, earthshaking or mundane, as a chance to grow stronger, smarter, more light-bearing. But here's where many of us hit a wall. We're ashamed of feeling afraid, inadequate, lonely, as if we've failed or done something wrong. No matter what you've experienced, there is always hope for change and healing. It's a miracle within reach. Don't be afraid to want it."
For some reason that is just resonating with me. I'm so angered and feel robbed by infertility and the medications I need to combat that problem. I'm afraid all the time. I'm pushing my fear and sadness down with foods that do more harm than good. I've lost that spirit within myself that is always a show stopper (I'm great in a crowd). I have gratitude though that I am able to see the good in life, the good in my friends and I have never faltered on finding joy for others and their successes. I'm a cheerleader, a really big boned cheerleader for the world who is struggling to find a hoorah.
My TGIF for today is to myself, for finding the courage to come to work after a hallacious week and for taking a small step forward to that woman I use to be. She is surely not lost, she is just a bit cloudy.
"When it looked like the sun wasn't gonna shine anymore, God put a rainbow in the clouds." Dr. Maya Angelou
Yesterday my BFF Susan was reminding me of how every goal I have wanted I have achieved. We've known each other for many years. She and I met while I worked at the Westin hotel and I was finishing up at the UW. She has watched me graduate, conquer weight loss and fitness goals of 1/2 marathons and triathlons and truly test myself to the maximum by allowing myself to find the courage to date which ultimately allowed me to meet and marry the most incredible man. Since we have been married though I have had a secret underlying fear of infertility. I have known that I have PCOS and that this is the leading cause of infertility. Being that I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would find the courage to allow someone to love me, I was not worried about the pregnancy thing. My marriage is wonderful, but this fear of infertility is robbing it of the joy that was once there.
Today I found myself reading a book that I have had on my shelf for quite some time. It is a book about one's emotions and how much of a prisoner we are within ourselves. I've combated years of not feeling worthy, regardless of the relentless pursuit I put towards things. I'm a 100% or nothing kind of lady. This is not life though, this is a death sentence as I can not be perfect all the time. The quote that really stuck out for me was referring to emotional freedom and how we can view our emotions and the stronghold they have on us. "To make this a reality (emotional freedom) you must begin to see each event of your life, uplifting or hurtful, earthshaking or mundane, as a chance to grow stronger, smarter, more light-bearing. But here's where many of us hit a wall. We're ashamed of feeling afraid, inadequate, lonely, as if we've failed or done something wrong. No matter what you've experienced, there is always hope for change and healing. It's a miracle within reach. Don't be afraid to want it."
For some reason that is just resonating with me. I'm so angered and feel robbed by infertility and the medications I need to combat that problem. I'm afraid all the time. I'm pushing my fear and sadness down with foods that do more harm than good. I've lost that spirit within myself that is always a show stopper (I'm great in a crowd). I have gratitude though that I am able to see the good in life, the good in my friends and I have never faltered on finding joy for others and their successes. I'm a cheerleader, a really big boned cheerleader for the world who is struggling to find a hoorah.
My TGIF for today is to myself, for finding the courage to come to work after a hallacious week and for taking a small step forward to that woman I use to be. She is surely not lost, she is just a bit cloudy.
"When it looked like the sun wasn't gonna shine anymore, God put a rainbow in the clouds." Dr. Maya Angelou
Struggling
This week I am struggling beyond belief. I'm so up and down right now that I can barely handle it. It is strictly a mood thing, an inability to control my moods. I'm crying, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I'm pissed, I'm every once in awhile elated with joy. The problem though is I feel like a time bomb, never knowing what is going to come out of my mouth or through my body language. Here's what really upsets me, I'm not upset right now about anything. Of course I would like to be pregnant but I understand this is going to take some time and I am in good hands. I'm ready to embark on a new eating plan that was given to me by my new nutritionist. I'm looking forward to the holidays and spending time with Kent, friends and family. I love my holiday decorations and the fun events we have planned. I'm pissed right now that I'm not able to enjoy it because of some drug I took 3 weeks ago. I've wondered if because I didn't ovulate it has made my hormonal surges even more.
Here's a TGIF for my husband and co-workers who are doing their best to put up with me!
Here's a TGIF for my husband and co-workers who are doing their best to put up with me!
Tardy for the Party
Truthfully I have no fun parties lined up this week-end but I have so wanted to have that as a title for a post of mine. Today is my TGIF though and I'm grateful on many levels.
1)My BFF Susan and I are having our pigs done (pedicures) and dinner at my house tomorrow night. It is lady time that she and I are long overdo for.
2)Kent and I are working as a total team on our housing and financial situation and where we are headed. Not sure if we are selling our current home or keeping it and coming up with plan B. I'm so happy to have him on my side though as we are figuring out a game plan.
3) I am just about done reading this great book, The End of Overeating by David Kessler MD, and even though it is very dry and scientific in the beginning, I have really been able to see food in a different way. The book focuses on the food industry etc and their use of fat, salt and sugar to make us have insatiable cravings. He talks about ways to combat these and finding a way to focus on food as fuel. So far, so good.
4) I've successfully taken my glucophage 1x a day this past week with very little side effects. I am super excited by this and hopefully next week I will be able to increase the dose and one day I will get up to that 2000mg a day. Right now I can only take 500mg.
5) On Wednesday I will take a pregnancy test. The time has gone by pretty quickly. I actually don't have any feelings right now regarding it. I'm not feeling any different and I know if this time doesn't work, another time will.
Here's to gratitude and Friday's.
1)My BFF Susan and I are having our pigs done (pedicures) and dinner at my house tomorrow night. It is lady time that she and I are long overdo for.
2)Kent and I are working as a total team on our housing and financial situation and where we are headed. Not sure if we are selling our current home or keeping it and coming up with plan B. I'm so happy to have him on my side though as we are figuring out a game plan.
3) I am just about done reading this great book, The End of Overeating by David Kessler MD, and even though it is very dry and scientific in the beginning, I have really been able to see food in a different way. The book focuses on the food industry etc and their use of fat, salt and sugar to make us have insatiable cravings. He talks about ways to combat these and finding a way to focus on food as fuel. So far, so good.
4) I've successfully taken my glucophage 1x a day this past week with very little side effects. I am super excited by this and hopefully next week I will be able to increase the dose and one day I will get up to that 2000mg a day. Right now I can only take 500mg.
5) On Wednesday I will take a pregnancy test. The time has gone by pretty quickly. I actually don't have any feelings right now regarding it. I'm not feeling any different and I know if this time doesn't work, another time will.
Here's to gratitude and Friday's.
I want a new drug...
One that doesn't make me a crazed lunatic and want to rip off everyone's head! Oh, how I shudder to think that I asked them to double my dose. I am so ridiculously irritable. I've tried deep breathing, focusing on the positive, letting drivers cut me off without flipping them off and trying to be sensible that one of our tenants rent checks bounced. I'm like Thomas the Engine right now...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can---be nice. My engine puttered out a few days ago and dropped my butt off on the tracks. Sweet Jesus help me. This nicety nice smile that is plastered on my face is ready to crack. Praise the lord I just had botox to prevent my constant scowl and "WTF" face.
My TGIF today is the fact that I only have 1 more day of Clomid. I also have a relatively quiet week-end ahead of us, which is great, as we rarely do have downtime of the week-end. Hopefully I can find some peace and serenity and my husband will be allowed some ease to be around me.
Amen
My TGIF today is the fact that I only have 1 more day of Clomid. I also have a relatively quiet week-end ahead of us, which is great, as we rarely do have downtime of the week-end. Hopefully I can find some peace and serenity and my husband will be allowed some ease to be around me.
Amen
Woah!
Here is my TGIF for the week. I just finished having an ultrasound, one which I figured was a waste of my time and money, as I was told on Tuesday that my eggs were very small. Well, something kicked in as I had a mature egg in the left ovary. 5 minutes later I was getting a shot in my toosh and being told I could either have insemination tomorrow morning or I could just get busy with Kent for the next couple of days.
My TGIF this week is to Clomid. Thank you for helping me potentially hatch an egg.
My TGIF this week is to Clomid. Thank you for helping me potentially hatch an egg.
TGIF..a little late
I have two things that I feel are worthy of a TGIF, which I have not done lately. First of all, thank you baby Jesus for making my business come. It was to the point that I was starting to get really pissed off at my body again, and I've been angry with this body since I was 4 and I started my first diet. Today was my first day of Clomid, and I will have an ultrasound in about 10 days to see if things are progressing. Still trying to stay positive. I'm happy things are at least moving down there.
This morning I met my trainer Chris at Greenlake at 7:30am. We had people over at our house until 11:30pm last night, so there wasn't a ton of sleep to be had and I was not terribly excited about working out so early. Chris wanted to cheer on a group of women she trains who were participating in a race. I did not register or compete. Instead, I ran sprints, did push-ups, dips, pull-ups, squats etc, while she was cheering her people on and timing me at the same time. About 27 minutes into the race she saw one of her first "people" and I was stunned, we were both stunned. The woman we saw first was a 43 year old Mother, Wife etc who had joined Chris's bootcamp series about 15 months ago. I remember meeting her in May 08. That was an awful month of bootcamp because it literally poured almost everyday and you are outside, rain or shine. 5:30am in May is brutal, particularly in the rain. This woman has continued with Chris's bootcamps and I couldn't believe what I saw. She went from an 18 minute mile to running this race in about a 9 minute mile pace. She has lost over 50 pounds and was beaming. I haven't seen her for quite awhile, as I had some injuries, got married etc. I basically have not been disciplined with my fitness and have let myself go. I found this woman after the race and I just walked up to her and gave her the biggest hug. I told her how awesome she was running, how great she looked etc. She then looked at me and said I was her inspiration, that Chris had told her back in May 08 of my successes and she has held onto this all along. I sort of was taken back by this and then I felt embarrassed by how I have not been my own inspiration. I give, give, give and then there is no time left for me.
As I started to leave the event, I just lost it. I was surrounded by honestly, at least a 1,000 women, and I just started sobbing. Chris didn't know what to do. She is a tough cookie, but has a tender heart buried deep down. I was just sobbing as I had to let go of that guilt I have that I let myself go and that I have not been taking very good care of myself. Normally I eat when I feel this pain, but I decided to just have my tears, if that was what needed to happen. I'm not happy about sobbing at Greenlake, in front of tons of people, but sometimes things need to happen for a reason.
My TGIF for this week is happiness about my business and SUPER happy for the small impact I made on a complete stranger. Seeing her today has helped reconfirm this new way of thinking about myself and my needs is not a waste of time. I think, no, I know, that this person is MY new inspiration.
This morning I met my trainer Chris at Greenlake at 7:30am. We had people over at our house until 11:30pm last night, so there wasn't a ton of sleep to be had and I was not terribly excited about working out so early. Chris wanted to cheer on a group of women she trains who were participating in a race. I did not register or compete. Instead, I ran sprints, did push-ups, dips, pull-ups, squats etc, while she was cheering her people on and timing me at the same time. About 27 minutes into the race she saw one of her first "people" and I was stunned, we were both stunned. The woman we saw first was a 43 year old Mother, Wife etc who had joined Chris's bootcamp series about 15 months ago. I remember meeting her in May 08. That was an awful month of bootcamp because it literally poured almost everyday and you are outside, rain or shine. 5:30am in May is brutal, particularly in the rain. This woman has continued with Chris's bootcamps and I couldn't believe what I saw. She went from an 18 minute mile to running this race in about a 9 minute mile pace. She has lost over 50 pounds and was beaming. I haven't seen her for quite awhile, as I had some injuries, got married etc. I basically have not been disciplined with my fitness and have let myself go. I found this woman after the race and I just walked up to her and gave her the biggest hug. I told her how awesome she was running, how great she looked etc. She then looked at me and said I was her inspiration, that Chris had told her back in May 08 of my successes and she has held onto this all along. I sort of was taken back by this and then I felt embarrassed by how I have not been my own inspiration. I give, give, give and then there is no time left for me.
As I started to leave the event, I just lost it. I was surrounded by honestly, at least a 1,000 women, and I just started sobbing. Chris didn't know what to do. She is a tough cookie, but has a tender heart buried deep down. I was just sobbing as I had to let go of that guilt I have that I let myself go and that I have not been taking very good care of myself. Normally I eat when I feel this pain, but I decided to just have my tears, if that was what needed to happen. I'm not happy about sobbing at Greenlake, in front of tons of people, but sometimes things need to happen for a reason.
My TGIF for this week is happiness about my business and SUPER happy for the small impact I made on a complete stranger. Seeing her today has helped reconfirm this new way of thinking about myself and my needs is not a waste of time. I think, no, I know, that this person is MY new inspiration.
What's that spell...
Lately I am feeling like a cheerleader to the world, complete with my bullhorn trying to pump up the crowd of those around me. Many of my friends were cheerleaders in high school so I was privy to the learning of the cheers all summer long (AKA..too fat to be a cheerleader, but not an active learner and giant banner maker.) I loved when they came up with routines and would practice in the yard. Takes me back to when I wanted to be in Razzle Dazzles in the 2nd grade. Again, I was too fat for sequined outfits and dancing at the crappy mall in Helena MT. I wanted to dance so bad that I would use scotch tape and tape my toes just like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance.
(sorry for the small images...I am not tech savvy)
In high school we were the Bruin's and those cheers are stuck in my head. Regardless of what type of team support I'm at, if a bouncy lady starts to chant, I'll automatically start to give her a B. GIVE ME A B....
Today my boss called me and asked if he could meet with me for 5 minutes. First of all there is never 5 minutes of a meeting with him. No matter how hard I try to shut up, I always have something to say. So we sat in my office, and the only reason for the meeting was my boss was just trying to pump me up. His goal was to tell me what a great job I am doing and that maybe tonight I should have a margarita. When I told him I was on a diet, he asked if I needed a gift certificate to Gene Juarez. I laughed, said no thank you, and he told me to give myself a virtual Margarita every hour tonight. Hmmm.. GIVE ME AN R.
Prior to this meeting I decided I was pretty much fed up with this BS that is my lady business. I called my doctors office and was very polite, as I know at some point I will turn into that potential ball of tears patient who thinks she is the only woman on the planet who can't get pregnant. Anways, I called and left a VM to let them know that it has been 42 days since my last period and the hormones I took two weeks ago have not kicked in yet. They are awesome and called me back right away. I let them know that I was a mere 15 seconds away as I am only 2 floors above them and if they wanted to see me, I could make it happen. Well 45 minutes later I'm naked from the waist down having an ultrasound. My business is just stuck up there. No clomid yet. On a positive note there were no cysts on my ovaries, everything "down there" looked normal and she could see a bunch of eggs just hanging out in the sack. There is nothing like having a vaginal ultrasound and telling the ARNP that you met 5 minutes ago to hit that sack like a pinata with her wand and maybe those eggs would start popping out. GIVE ME A U.
Before I sat down at the computer today I started thinking about this blog I write and sort of my purpose of doing it. In the beginning I thought that my "journey" I would be writing about would be little antidotes of my daily life and the general humor I try to see in them. The occasional perfect photo, the recap of holidays and events, the pondering of one's soul. I never realized what a resourceful tool it would become for me to really think about things. I'm pretty honest about what I write except for one thing; I have tried to censor my terribly poor potty mouth. I might say crap in my blog, but trust me, my brain is screaming the word shit. I'm just a full fledged potty mouth. In the 6th grade I would walk home from school with Lucy, Kevin and Jason (Hi Lucy!) and we would have contests to see who could go the longest without swearing. I was always in last place. I was a loser with a mouth that sounded like a 42 year old woman whose been driving a long haul truck for 17 years. I still am to this day. For the sake of anyone out there who reads this though, I will do my best to censor as there are ways to get one's point across without swearing. But somedays I really just have to drop a motherf*cker here or there to be able to really understand my true emotions. GIVE ME AN I.
The more I think about my life, the more I realize how fortunate I am. My husband is awesome and he really gets me. When we met one another on Match.com, that's right, we logged on for love, I used the tag line Eye of the Tiger. Kent would email me and then make references about Mr. T. Now I loved the A-Team and I knew how to "Pity a fool" but I had no clue what he was talking about. We still met though because really, a free drinks a free drink. It wasn't until we met face to face at Thaiku that I made the connection that Mr. T was in Rocky III and that Eye of the Tiger was the theme song to the movie. I tried to tell Kent my connection of Eye of the Tiger was my friend Carrie teaching me the complete moves in the second grade as she was the lucky one to get to be in Razzle Dazzle and wear sequined full length gloves complete with pink fringe. I may not have been a true Razzle Dazzle, I was a generic wanna-be who danced in my unfinished basement, along with my Flashdance tape and did everything I could to make my happiness. On Sept 12th Kent and I will celebrate our 3rd year anniversary of our first date. That date has a ton of significance to me as I honestly had a series of crazy lady visions and seeing a pretty awesome future ahead of me. I walked into work that next day and told my co-workers that I was in trouble..this guy rocked. Want to know how much my husband rocks...look at these bad boys he had made for our wedding... GIVE ME AN N.
So what does this random potpourri of my cheerleader brain spell....it might spell Bruin here, but truthfully it is spelling happiness. Happy to have my life, my tribulations, my drama, my struggles as a chunky chick trying to lose weight and get pregnant (huh?) and my fabulous husband laughing his ass of alongside me. I can cheer all I want for everyone else, but recently, I'm realizing it's OK to shake a pom pom or two my way as well.
(sorry for the small images...I am not tech savvy)
In high school we were the Bruin's and those cheers are stuck in my head. Regardless of what type of team support I'm at, if a bouncy lady starts to chant, I'll automatically start to give her a B. GIVE ME A B....
Today my boss called me and asked if he could meet with me for 5 minutes. First of all there is never 5 minutes of a meeting with him. No matter how hard I try to shut up, I always have something to say. So we sat in my office, and the only reason for the meeting was my boss was just trying to pump me up. His goal was to tell me what a great job I am doing and that maybe tonight I should have a margarita. When I told him I was on a diet, he asked if I needed a gift certificate to Gene Juarez. I laughed, said no thank you, and he told me to give myself a virtual Margarita every hour tonight. Hmmm.. GIVE ME AN R.
Prior to this meeting I decided I was pretty much fed up with this BS that is my lady business. I called my doctors office and was very polite, as I know at some point I will turn into that potential ball of tears patient who thinks she is the only woman on the planet who can't get pregnant. Anways, I called and left a VM to let them know that it has been 42 days since my last period and the hormones I took two weeks ago have not kicked in yet. They are awesome and called me back right away. I let them know that I was a mere 15 seconds away as I am only 2 floors above them and if they wanted to see me, I could make it happen. Well 45 minutes later I'm naked from the waist down having an ultrasound. My business is just stuck up there. No clomid yet. On a positive note there were no cysts on my ovaries, everything "down there" looked normal and she could see a bunch of eggs just hanging out in the sack. There is nothing like having a vaginal ultrasound and telling the ARNP that you met 5 minutes ago to hit that sack like a pinata with her wand and maybe those eggs would start popping out. GIVE ME A U.
Before I sat down at the computer today I started thinking about this blog I write and sort of my purpose of doing it. In the beginning I thought that my "journey" I would be writing about would be little antidotes of my daily life and the general humor I try to see in them. The occasional perfect photo, the recap of holidays and events, the pondering of one's soul. I never realized what a resourceful tool it would become for me to really think about things. I'm pretty honest about what I write except for one thing; I have tried to censor my terribly poor potty mouth. I might say crap in my blog, but trust me, my brain is screaming the word shit. I'm just a full fledged potty mouth. In the 6th grade I would walk home from school with Lucy, Kevin and Jason (Hi Lucy!) and we would have contests to see who could go the longest without swearing. I was always in last place. I was a loser with a mouth that sounded like a 42 year old woman whose been driving a long haul truck for 17 years. I still am to this day. For the sake of anyone out there who reads this though, I will do my best to censor as there are ways to get one's point across without swearing. But somedays I really just have to drop a motherf*cker here or there to be able to really understand my true emotions. GIVE ME AN I.
The more I think about my life, the more I realize how fortunate I am. My husband is awesome and he really gets me. When we met one another on Match.com, that's right, we logged on for love, I used the tag line Eye of the Tiger. Kent would email me and then make references about Mr. T. Now I loved the A-Team and I knew how to "Pity a fool" but I had no clue what he was talking about. We still met though because really, a free drinks a free drink. It wasn't until we met face to face at Thaiku that I made the connection that Mr. T was in Rocky III and that Eye of the Tiger was the theme song to the movie. I tried to tell Kent my connection of Eye of the Tiger was my friend Carrie teaching me the complete moves in the second grade as she was the lucky one to get to be in Razzle Dazzle and wear sequined full length gloves complete with pink fringe. I may not have been a true Razzle Dazzle, I was a generic wanna-be who danced in my unfinished basement, along with my Flashdance tape and did everything I could to make my happiness. On Sept 12th Kent and I will celebrate our 3rd year anniversary of our first date. That date has a ton of significance to me as I honestly had a series of crazy lady visions and seeing a pretty awesome future ahead of me. I walked into work that next day and told my co-workers that I was in trouble..this guy rocked. Want to know how much my husband rocks...look at these bad boys he had made for our wedding... GIVE ME AN N.
So what does this random potpourri of my cheerleader brain spell....it might spell Bruin here, but truthfully it is spelling happiness. Happy to have my life, my tribulations, my drama, my struggles as a chunky chick trying to lose weight and get pregnant (huh?) and my fabulous husband laughing his ass of alongside me. I can cheer all I want for everyone else, but recently, I'm realizing it's OK to shake a pom pom or two my way as well.
Feelings, nothing more than feelings
I am consumed by my "feelings" lately. They keep me up at night, the bog my brain while I am trying to read or work. Even while I was cooking (or attempting to cook) last night my mind was fixated on my feelings. It is so frustrating how easily rattled I am at work lately. These past few weeks have been very trying but I think I have held myself together well and my composure has been quite cool. Towards the end of the day I had a semi-altercation with a contractor for our practice in front of several of my staff and I am still frustrated about it. I lost my cool and sort of took myself down to her level. I felt threatened though and it deemed necessary that I protect my staff and myself as she was being pretty vocal about our inability to perform or follow orders. I am a totally sensitive bunny when it comes to not doing things 100% right. I have done a fabulous job lately at realizing there is only so much I can accomplish in a day and that I can't really beat myself up about every little thing.
Yesterday though I was feeling good and it seemed like things were starting to fall in place well. I feel annoyed at myself that I am even caring this much about something so trivial in the big picture of things. I don't like someone coming into my office for a couple hours a week and telling me that I am not doing my job. Don't dictate to me what is important if you don't have a full breadth of this practice. I could feel this persons negative energy when she entered the practice and I should have recognized this and tried to calm the situation down. Throwing lighter fluid onto the fire does not help anyone or anything.
Now I have had some time to sit and analyze the situation. I am doing some research into the supposed problems that created the situation. There was nothing that was performed incorrectly. This person had everything in their hands and it was correct. What I failed to do was to take a big breath and look at the complaints in a more thorough fashion. I was not given the opportunity to do that yesterday as our discussion quickly became heated before I could look at the initial complaint. I am sitting here realizing that I did do my job right; that my staff performed at my request and at the request of this contractor. Where I failed was to be able to calmly assess the situation and show her the information that she assumed she was missing.
My job is to run a medical practice. I am the Office Manager. I am not big on titles and I often just tell people I work for a Dermatology practice. Nobody really likes the manager of an office. They are the bad guy, the one who has to police everyone. I don't work that way though; I don't carry an imaginary bat that is ready to strike when someone makes an error. I have expectations, but they are reasonable and everyone here at my office maintains these expectations daily. My feelings/emotions/control issues have just got to calm down. I am seriously learning my deep breathing techniques, along with screaming, "Don't Stop, Believing" by Journey in the car as I drive to work. "Some will win, some will lose. Some were born to sing the blues." I don't really want to sing the blues anymore. My TGIF for this week is to find gratitude that I am a kick ass employee, wife, friend, daughter and human being.
Yesterday though I was feeling good and it seemed like things were starting to fall in place well. I feel annoyed at myself that I am even caring this much about something so trivial in the big picture of things. I don't like someone coming into my office for a couple hours a week and telling me that I am not doing my job. Don't dictate to me what is important if you don't have a full breadth of this practice. I could feel this persons negative energy when she entered the practice and I should have recognized this and tried to calm the situation down. Throwing lighter fluid onto the fire does not help anyone or anything.
Now I have had some time to sit and analyze the situation. I am doing some research into the supposed problems that created the situation. There was nothing that was performed incorrectly. This person had everything in their hands and it was correct. What I failed to do was to take a big breath and look at the complaints in a more thorough fashion. I was not given the opportunity to do that yesterday as our discussion quickly became heated before I could look at the initial complaint. I am sitting here realizing that I did do my job right; that my staff performed at my request and at the request of this contractor. Where I failed was to be able to calmly assess the situation and show her the information that she assumed she was missing.
My job is to run a medical practice. I am the Office Manager. I am not big on titles and I often just tell people I work for a Dermatology practice. Nobody really likes the manager of an office. They are the bad guy, the one who has to police everyone. I don't work that way though; I don't carry an imaginary bat that is ready to strike when someone makes an error. I have expectations, but they are reasonable and everyone here at my office maintains these expectations daily. My feelings/emotions/control issues have just got to calm down. I am seriously learning my deep breathing techniques, along with screaming, "Don't Stop, Believing" by Journey in the car as I drive to work. "Some will win, some will lose. Some were born to sing the blues." I don't really want to sing the blues anymore. My TGIF for this week is to find gratitude that I am a kick ass employee, wife, friend, daughter and human being.
Daily Affirmation
Stuart Smalley apparently should be my mentor as his 12-step positive affirmations are a successful way to recorrect years of bad thinking. Sweet Jesus, I can see myself now...staring at myself lovingly in a full length mirror; telling myself how fabulous I am. These positive affirmations will be a giant leap ahead of the normal crap that fills my brain. I'm going to give it a try though, but maybe I will just have my affirmation in the car, or shower, as I don't see myself looking into a mirror and having a one-on-one with myself. I do see myself wanting to change though. I see myself having a more positive future and outlook. I see myself calmly finding ways to enjoy my life and successes and gently work on things I would like to change.
I love to plan things out and my life is something that lately seems to be in a shredder. I think what I am looking towards is to plan my day. Just plan one day at a time and do the best I can with that day. I look forward to the start of August as this was going to be my month of reconnecting with myself. You would totally think I was a nut case by some of the things I have said...reconnecting with myself--who in the hell talks that way? I swear though, I'm out of touch with everything, including me. Time for a little R&R and to get back on the right track.
I haven't had a TGIF lately as things have been too busy to even focus on. I am grateful today that I have a fabulous dad who also happens to be a pharmacist and can answer all my questions about my bladder infection and pills. Nothing like telling Bob about ALL your business.
TGIF
My TGIF posts are to be about what I am grateful for, not for the common phrase describing the joy that the week-end is near. I'm breaking this rule today as I am grateful that today actually is Friday. It has been a long week at work as I am preparing to be gone for almost 3 weeks. Many to-do lists and thinking of "what ifs" to help educate the staff before I leave.
Today as I was getting ready I had a vision of myself sitting at a bar with my husband for happy hour...I'd like to think all of my hours are happy when I am with my husband, but discounted drinks and fun food...that's a happy hour, and something I rarely enjoy. The happy hour time slot of the typical 4-6 or 5-7pm just doesn't usually work for me. Well it is 5:26pm and I am just waiting for Kent to show up at work with the requested jacket and pants I'd like to wear tonight and my lipstick case as it was left behind in the morning shuffle. I gave my hair a shake, had an altoid and we will soon be off to have a spirit and a little nosh to embrace the week-ends arrival. I have given up sweets, carbs, alcohol as I am trying to lose weight...tonight though I think I will forgo these goals and embrace my body as it is to partake in that joy of the happy hour.
Today as I was getting ready I had a vision of myself sitting at a bar with my husband for happy hour...I'd like to think all of my hours are happy when I am with my husband, but discounted drinks and fun food...that's a happy hour, and something I rarely enjoy. The happy hour time slot of the typical 4-6 or 5-7pm just doesn't usually work for me. Well it is 5:26pm and I am just waiting for Kent to show up at work with the requested jacket and pants I'd like to wear tonight and my lipstick case as it was left behind in the morning shuffle. I gave my hair a shake, had an altoid and we will soon be off to have a spirit and a little nosh to embrace the week-ends arrival. I have given up sweets, carbs, alcohol as I am trying to lose weight...tonight though I think I will forgo these goals and embrace my body as it is to partake in that joy of the happy hour.
Mr. Tax Man.....
Bring me a dream.....I have been swamped at work on Friday's lately so I have been unable to post my TGIF. Even though I am the "boss" I do forget the cardinal theme that work is called work, and not play, and that finding time in my Friday to post a TGIF shouldn't be at the top of my list...but today I have a TGIF for sure. Kent and I finally went and had our taxes done and holy crap...why didn't I get married earlier! We are getting a big fat paycheck back from Uncle Sam and I am thrilled. So my quick, while I am at work TGIF is to that fat man who keeps a ton of my money and is finally giving me some back! Woo Hoo!
TGIF
Today's TGIF seems like an impossible task. I have about a million things to be grateful for, yet my mind is pretty full of pissy-ness right now. I don't even know how to spell it, that's how annoyed I am. It could be a lack of sugar; I'm serious that I have been doing great on my food intake and fitness. I'm feeling like I just want to get crap done, check it off my list, and move on to the next. I'm in a serious take charge mode, but I'm not the only one in charge. I've been feeling very slighted lately and I know it is nobody's intentions or fault. I'm even feeling like my thoughts are opinions are not of equal measure. I don't even know why I am writing this down. I vowed that my blog would be my life, and here it is. I do try to be a relaxed person and take things as they come. I know though that preparation and organization are just the key to my ability to relax. I spend my entire work week quickly analyzing a situation and then coming up with 3 possible ways to solve the situation and move on to the next. I easily can take multiple things coming at me at once, yet this week, I'm not moving with such grace in my personal life. I suppose we all have off-week's once in awhile, I am ready for this one to end.
TGIF
I've been lacking in my TGIF series lately and this morning it was clear to me what my TGIF was going to be about...drum roll please...Kent. Shocking, I know. The reason I am choosing Kent for my TGIF is because Monday was our 6 month anniversary of being a married couple.
In the beginning of our marriage, it was a little rocky, for like 4 days. We came off the bliss of our wedding and honeymoon and were dropped into the middle of a housing crisis and being unable to sell our home. We both had so wanted to sell our home and get a new place with a fresh start. As we realized this wasn't happening we both found ourselves annoyed and angry with the situation, and at times, one another. I was upset about the sheer volume of debt we now were going to have to pay off. Kent was disappointed that we weren't going to be able to move. In hind sight though we are both feeling so content with the fact our home is still our home. We have moved on to plan B and I think plan B is exactly the best move for us. We plan on moving this summer to a rental home and then rent out our top unit. We have recently had both of our units turned over and we have a new, fresh vibe in our triplex. I love it and welcome it!
Kent and I are a total team now. I love that I can walk around in my robe with out any makeup on or a bra...not a pretty picture. I love how comfortable we are with one another and how supportive we are. This is what everyone should wish for in a marriage, and I intend on keeping it that way! Thank you Kent for accepting me and loving me just the way I am...which is fabulous!
In the beginning of our marriage, it was a little rocky, for like 4 days. We came off the bliss of our wedding and honeymoon and were dropped into the middle of a housing crisis and being unable to sell our home. We both had so wanted to sell our home and get a new place with a fresh start. As we realized this wasn't happening we both found ourselves annoyed and angry with the situation, and at times, one another. I was upset about the sheer volume of debt we now were going to have to pay off. Kent was disappointed that we weren't going to be able to move. In hind sight though we are both feeling so content with the fact our home is still our home. We have moved on to plan B and I think plan B is exactly the best move for us. We plan on moving this summer to a rental home and then rent out our top unit. We have recently had both of our units turned over and we have a new, fresh vibe in our triplex. I love it and welcome it!
Kent and I are a total team now. I love that I can walk around in my robe with out any makeup on or a bra...not a pretty picture. I love how comfortable we are with one another and how supportive we are. This is what everyone should wish for in a marriage, and I intend on keeping it that way! Thank you Kent for accepting me and loving me just the way I am...which is fabulous!
New Year...New You
This is the marketing genius (crap) I come up with yearly to promote a new service or product in the practice I manage. The New Year does bring out that inner part of us that just wants to fix all the crap we hate. It could be how messy your pantry is, your lack of abdominal muscles or your giant credit card bill that never seems to move down.
Kent and I went out on NY's eve and had a really low key night. We started with appetizers and wine at our home. We headed up to Capitol Hill and had one quick drink and then saw the movie Slumdog Millionaire. It was a harsh yet fabulous movie. After the film we went to our local Irish bar and had a few drinks and good conversation. It was filled with optimism and good goals that are totally obtainable. We laughed about some funny things that had happened and of course I was teary eyed thinking of our wedding and what was in store for us in 2009.
After midnight we stopped off at QFC and bought Nyquil. I love Nyquil, it is the only thing that lets me sleep in. In fact, we didn't wake up until 11:00am the next day. Glorious sleep, something that is quite hard for me to come by.
New Year's Day was spent being lazy and waking out of our Nyquil coma, shopping a bit and then having a yummy Japanese meal cooked by our friend Chris's mom Sumiko. She made Sukiyaki, it is a fabulous noodle soup with meat and veggies. We then played catch phrase, I cuddled with all of their dogs and we went home. So far 2009 has been filled with fabulous people, sleep and fun. Yes, I am only in the 2nd day of the year, but that still is a good sign. Plus I have enjoyed the optimism people have been expressing. I've had more people wish me a good NY than I did wish me a happy holiday. Thank goodness there is more spirit in the air then there was two weeks ago. My TGIF to start out 2009 is optimism and a belief in change.
Kent and I went out on NY's eve and had a really low key night. We started with appetizers and wine at our home. We headed up to Capitol Hill and had one quick drink and then saw the movie Slumdog Millionaire. It was a harsh yet fabulous movie. After the film we went to our local Irish bar and had a few drinks and good conversation. It was filled with optimism and good goals that are totally obtainable. We laughed about some funny things that had happened and of course I was teary eyed thinking of our wedding and what was in store for us in 2009.
After midnight we stopped off at QFC and bought Nyquil. I love Nyquil, it is the only thing that lets me sleep in. In fact, we didn't wake up until 11:00am the next day. Glorious sleep, something that is quite hard for me to come by.
New Year's Day was spent being lazy and waking out of our Nyquil coma, shopping a bit and then having a yummy Japanese meal cooked by our friend Chris's mom Sumiko. She made Sukiyaki, it is a fabulous noodle soup with meat and veggies. We then played catch phrase, I cuddled with all of their dogs and we went home. So far 2009 has been filled with fabulous people, sleep and fun. Yes, I am only in the 2nd day of the year, but that still is a good sign. Plus I have enjoyed the optimism people have been expressing. I've had more people wish me a good NY than I did wish me a happy holiday. Thank goodness there is more spirit in the air then there was two weeks ago. My TGIF to start out 2009 is optimism and a belief in change.
TGIF
I was busy this Friday so I was unable to post my TGIF gratitude post. This week-end I had a fun time seeing friends, renting out my soon to be vacant unit, making cookies with my mom and cuddling with my little Frank Kelley.
The entire time I was doing this there was my man, Mr. Davis as he is known to some, right by my side. He endures the parties with ladies, handles my freakout regarding our house and mortgage, my tears when I get upset about the size of my thighs and my laughter at how incredibly funny he is.
Can I really have another post dedicated to my man? Hell yes I can. I am finding myself loving him more and more each day. I see myself becoming more understanding, calmer and relaxed about us and our future. We are still working out the kinks, but I can't image doing it with any other person. I want him to always know how special he is and that he knows how thankful I am.
We have recently been getting questions regarding kids. Maybe people are looking at our crow's feet, but we are getting the looks and nods. My dad remarked to my mom recently that he thought we might be too busy to have kids. My mom walked by a sweet little pink jacket and said, "I love the color pink. I hope you have girls." A stranger told me that we should get a move on because having kids at an older age is hard. What I really know though is that I want my relationship with my husband to be super strong to endure the kids to come. I think it is so crucial that the couples foundation be firm and continue to be firm and nurturing. The relationship can get pushed to the side for a very long time during the kid years, but I really don't want that to happen. I am starting to see a very wonderful and exciting 2009. I have been a bit anxious lately about the future, what is going to happen, will we survive this econony etc. I know I will, I know we will, because we have each other.
The entire time I was doing this there was my man, Mr. Davis as he is known to some, right by my side. He endures the parties with ladies, handles my freakout regarding our house and mortgage, my tears when I get upset about the size of my thighs and my laughter at how incredibly funny he is.
Can I really have another post dedicated to my man? Hell yes I can. I am finding myself loving him more and more each day. I see myself becoming more understanding, calmer and relaxed about us and our future. We are still working out the kinks, but I can't image doing it with any other person. I want him to always know how special he is and that he knows how thankful I am.
We have recently been getting questions regarding kids. Maybe people are looking at our crow's feet, but we are getting the looks and nods. My dad remarked to my mom recently that he thought we might be too busy to have kids. My mom walked by a sweet little pink jacket and said, "I love the color pink. I hope you have girls." A stranger told me that we should get a move on because having kids at an older age is hard. What I really know though is that I want my relationship with my husband to be super strong to endure the kids to come. I think it is so crucial that the couples foundation be firm and continue to be firm and nurturing. The relationship can get pushed to the side for a very long time during the kid years, but I really don't want that to happen. I am starting to see a very wonderful and exciting 2009. I have been a bit anxious lately about the future, what is going to happen, will we survive this econony etc. I know I will, I know we will, because we have each other.
