You've got to have friends...

Before I was married, or even dating Kent, I felt like my phone rang off the hook. By Tuesday I pretty much knew what I was going to do over the week-end. I am fairly social and would rather be with friends than at my apartment by myself with my sweet dog Frank Kelley.

Can you believe how cute he is!

I was very active with my friendships and worked hard at them. I remembered birthdays and planned social outings as much as I could. As time has passed though I have found myself slowly less social, or I should say social in a different way. Before I met Kent I would come home after a day of working in a busy medical practice where I was constantly moving, talking and thinking and I would just sit and watch TV, read a book and walk Frank. I found ways to occupy my time and I did get lonely now and then. I would often call my friend Susan and we would chat constantly, even though we had emailed all day long too. Susan was my person, sort of like Meredith and Christina on Grey's Anatomy. That is just us, we talk and talk and always have each other's back. That is a cool feeling to just know you have a person.

Susan & I a few years ago

Now that I have been in a relationship for the past 2 years and recently married I have found myself reaching less and less for the phone or my calendar to plan events. I have someone to eat with, go to the movies, shop (I know, I can't believe it either) and offer companionship. I don't have to schedule this time because Kent and I are a team, we are constantly together and checking in.

Recently I was thinking to myself that my own phone is quiet silent. I will have the occasional phone call, but it is pretty much silent. It makes me sort of sad, but it is understandable. As I have changed, so have many of my friends and relationships. Some are having babies, some are dating, some are moving and starting new careers. People change, relationships change, life changes. I struggle a bit with change but I know that this is just a natural progression. I also know how much I love my friends and how important their friendships are to me.

One of the things that I have enjoyed about this blog is the newly rekindled friendship I have with my friend Lucy. We met one another at 4 Georgians Elementary School in Helena Montana. We lived in the same neighborhood, only a few blocks away. We did so many things together, we were true buddies. I remember how much we would laugh and how we had big plans for our futures. We would do the craziest things, all that are too many to tell. We have different lives, but I can still remember our love of Bon Jovi, how we would watch TV in my parents basement and how I was the same height as she was in the 6th grade. Lucy has surpassed my height by many, many inches, but that's ok. She now has a family of 3 boys, a husband whose on a new adventure and finally done with school, but she did something so wonderful...even through all of this she came to my wedding. She left her family and made a special trip to see me get married. We hadn't seen each other for several years, I think our high school reunion was the last time. When we saw one another at my wedding I was so elated. This feeling reminded me of when I was leaving for Seattle to go to college. I was one of the first people to leave for school and we were at a party with many people. We each left the party separately, but I realized I didn't get to say good-bye and spend a few moments with my friend. At 3am I ran over to her house, like I would have when I was 9 years old and we hung out until 5:30am, when my parents and I were suppose to be leaving for Seattle.

I have been reading Lucy's blog for several years now and I have so enjoyed seeing her family and her life. I don't have the family Lucy does or the same responsibilities, but when I read her posts I can still hear her voice, her laugh, and I feel like I am getting an audio reading of her life. Having Lucy make such huge leaps and bounds to make it to my wedding, where I literally had 5-10 minutes with her, proves to me how strong friendships can be. How even though it was only a few minutes, it meant so much to me. We may not be running over to each other's houses anymore, or sharing a Diet Pepsi and watching Beverly Hills Cops on the VCR, but we can still find one another through this world wide web.

My gratitude today is my friends. Regardless of how often I see them or speak to them, they are still my peeps and I love that about each of them. Thank you Lucy for reminding me of this.




PS...Sorry I had to steal your picture--I didn't carry a camera with me that day!

My man...

For some crazy reason I find that society as a whole often forgets the gratitude they have to those people that they are blessed with, in love with, friends with and confidants with. We get busy and accustomed to these people being around us and at times we take advantage of their companionship and love. So today in a quick post I want to give a shout out to my husband (still makes me laugh to say this). Everyday I see the small and subtle ways he tries to make me happy. The funny thing though is all I need is to see his smile and a big hug. I appreciate how much he tries to do things around the house, how he has such a fantastic eye for detail and how he doesn't sweat the small stuff. Even when he is dog-ass tired he will still listen to me for hours about some drama or funny story and never gets annoyed (or at least he doesn't show it). He will "make it happen" in a moments notice and understands when I need his help, his ear or just some time to myself.

To my Kent, thank you for being such a rock in my world. Thank you for being a protector, comedian and best man friend anyone can ask for.
I love you honey.

Who knew....

Who knew we have so much crap filling our house up? We took the triplex off the market so now we are working on sprucing it up. We are not done, but super close. I did take before pictures and will post the after photos when it is complete. Here's the problem Kent and I have now that we are staying put, we have SO much stuff...things that really don't mean much to me, but are important to Kent. I am a super sentimental person, but I have a great memory and generally only need some photos to cherish the times. Kent has a collection of many items that are important to his family, his heritage and his memories. Life and marriage is about compromise, but wow, I am so not use to having so many "things." We laugh at how I love a tidy place, but this is a place for both of us to make a home out of it. I love everything we have done so far and I can't wait until things are put in storage, things are taken to Goodwill and the rest of the furniture arrives. Seattle's rainy times are here now and I think the new furnishings will help us survive another gray and cold winter.

On a positive and personal note I have finally hit the eating wall. I have been so out of control lately with my food so thankfully I woke up the other day and said enough is enough. I turned down several sweets from patients and threw away what little junk food was in the house. Kent and I are both ready to get back on track. There is a little embarrassment and frustration that I still have about how I sort of just quit the healthy lifestyle I use to live. What I will focus on though is the baby steps I will take again towards those positive goals of health. Plus my pants are so dang tight I might split the ass out!

TGIF....

It has been such a long week. I feel a bit like a broken record. This morning I woke up after another restless night of sleep and just felt so emotional about going to work. Stress is a part of all of our lives, but I am not use to having it for such a long period of time. Kent and I were driving last night and I told him I needed a mantra for when the "evil thoughts/stresses/worries" of the work world entered my brain at all times of the day. Kent's mantra was simple and perfect. "I have a life"...this is my mantra for when the creeping insecurities of life bog me down. I have more than just a life, I have a great life. I have the most amazing partner and best friend (male friend I tell him) in the world. My gratitude for the day is my husband, who I adore. Thank you for putting up with me and loving me until the end. Even when I'm snarky or have a 'tude.

What I also love about my husband is the fact that we are both so in sync about many things. This week-end we are painting our TV room and our new furniture will arrive next week-end. I will for sure post a before and after. I'm nervous about the color I chose, but we can always paint it again. Since our home did not sell, we are taking it off the market and allowing ourselves a bit of luxury and redoing some parts of the home. Our TV room has the most uncomfortable sofa but it is something that is "classic" as Kent says and we will one day re-upholster it and put some thicker cushions on it. We have also just picked out our "first Christmas together gift" (who knew these existed). It is a beautiful piece of art that we found at a gallery on Bainbridge Island last week-end while we were lunching with friends. It was one of those pieces that while we were casually walking past the gallery we both saw it and had to go in and see....

There is something so simple and beautiful about this painting. We are going to re- frame it, but I think it will look lovely in our new TV room. Honey Happy First Christmas and Birthday (-; Thank you for having such a fabulous vision. Love Your Muffin!

The tough road ahead........

Last night as I heard fireworks in my neighborhood I knew what had just happened. Due to my incredible amount of anxiety I wouldn't allow Kent and I to watch the news or CNN. We were watching Desperate Housewives when the news broke that Obama won. I wanted to try and avert my attention to a ridiculous TV show while the votes were still coming in. I truly did not think we would know who our next President would be until late in the night. When those fireworks started though I knew it. I started screaming for Kent to give me the remote and I quickly turned the channel and saw it. Tens of thousands of people feeling exactly my emotions. Wow! We had just elected Barack Obama to be our next President. I honestly am not a political junkie, I just felt such a strong urge to have a completely different vision for this country. I went to bed with a smile on my face...it could have been from Obama's speech or the wine, pizza and gelato I had consumed that evening.

Now that the news is settling in around the world I am realizing what a tough task this will be. Regardless of who would have won, either of these men would be in for a tough road. I do feel though that Obama will somehow gather his strengths and manage it the best he can. This morning I was driving to work and really reflecting on this change that is taking place. I was thinking about the determination it took for Obama to get elected. For almost 2 years he has been on the campaign trail trying to get his voice heard and to accomplish the goal he set out to win. Here is the part of this story that actually pisses me off to write about; my brain actually thought today that if a Black man can be President, than I can lose weight. My weight has always been a struggle, like a serious struggle. It consumes my life and predicts what type of day I will be having. I sort of see the road Obama and I have ahead of us as one that is going to be bumpy for some time.

For the past several months I have turned to food as a way to comfort myself. It is frustrating that I do this though because it causes problems in my moods, my relationship with Kent and the way I feel about myself. I keep making excuses for why I can't workout or why I can justify the large amount of food or poor choices. I am so fed up though with thinking about my weight. I honestly think this is one of the reasons why I have pretty much given up on myself. It is just so overwhelming to have to think about every little thing that enters my mouth. It pisses me off when other people eat the same way or even worse and they don't gain a pound. I'm sick of hearing about how I am big boned, or that I am muscular. The truth is that I have just given up on myself and I can not do this anymore. My life is bigger than just what I see or think. Kent and I are thinking about kids and I want to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. This task of losing weight and preparing my body is honestly going to be a very difficult task for me. I may need to just focus on the determination Obama held during this campaign and pay careful attention to the fact that it was a long and steady race, but he finished first.

It is probably pretty shallow to be writing this post. I see no need though to not write about what I am thinking. I have been on a diet since I was 6 years old. Honestly, 6 years old. I have tried every diet book, scheme or gimmick I can get my hands on. When I think about my future I see one big a** road with many twists and turns, but somehow I am going to jump on my determination bandwagon and find a way to reach my health goals. To President-elect Barack Obama, thank you for giving me a little extra push to accomplish a goal that I have never thought possible; a healthy body weight. Being elected the first Black President and losing weight may not be the best correlation, but I think we can all recognize that determination is determination, we each just have a different goal.

Wishin' and Hopin' and Prayin'....

I really don't want to jump onto the political soapbox or bandwagon right now but I am sitting here with butterflies in my tummy wondering how the evening will progress with the political maps and electoral votes. I have always had my own beliefs regarding abortion, gay rights, human rights and equality. We are all entitled to our opinions and beliefs. That is one of the things that is so appreciated by the outside world. You can have an opinion and not be worried about voicing it.

This morning Kent was asking me why I was so nervous and I yelled back, "we are going to have kids in the next 4 years, do you really want them to be born in this world?" OK so maybe this is super irrational. I am just feeling like this country, this world needs the US to pull itself back together under a new direction. I remember when I was in Prague and Berlin in the fall of 2004. The debates between Kerry and Bush had just taken place and the first 6 pages, 6 PAGES, of the newspapers in Berlin & Prague were regarding the debates. I want everyone to really think about this. How many times has social injustice, war or an outbreak happen in another country and we are completely oblivious to it. 6 pages of these two major papers were regarding the debates and what each of these candidates believed in. The US at times does not see how this country is a foundation for the entire world. Just look at our housing and stock markets...the Dow crashes and it creates world wide panic and crisis.

I have no idea how tonight is going to turn out. I am not going to call it a victory until there is absolutely no possible way that the presidency will sway from one party to another. I am not running to Canada if my particular choice does not win. I will have to hope that either way this country will find a way to unite again. I am still wishin' and hopin' and prayin' for my candidate!!

Post Halloween 2008

Halloween 2008 was another fun year filled with ridiculous costumes, laughter and beer. Thank you Monika to another great Halloween and a pot full of yummy spiked cider. Kent you rock my world as Richard Simmons...
Can you believe I married this man?

Our lovely hostess Monika went as the fabulous Dolly Parton...

The more reserved Dolly costume of the evening

I chose to be Candy the Cougar. An older lady on the prowl for a younger man..

The sad part is that I actually OWNED all of these clothes and makeup!


We had many other fabulous guests, Amy Winehouse

MacGrubber, A Teletubby and more. Everyone had a great time and we can't wait until next year. Our annual Halloween party at Monika's...woo hoo! Thanks lady!