I'm rounding the corner of being 19 weeks pregnant and I'm still a little baffled. Yesterday we went for the big Ultrasound, the sort of scary one when your are 35+ and they check for issues etc. The ultrasound tech was the same one we had the first time, I thought she was dull, but she was just doing her job. She spent about 45 minutes total and we were able to see the feet, hands, spine etc. When it was time to get close to the abdomen and genitals she had both of us close our eyes as we do not want to know the sex (I don't know if I could have been able to tell anyways). Kent and I kept laughing and yelling at one another that we had better not be cheating, it was probably only funny to us. The tech kept saying, your baby is really moving around, and I still felt like she wasn't actually talking to me. It strangely is just starting to hit me, like big time, that we are having a baby in early October. The ultrasound showed nothing out of the ordinary and as she and the Doctor left I just started to cry. Deep down I've worried, but I haven't let anything surface. The tears came out quickly though as I'm trying to get gel off my belly (actually I made Kent, he washed my tummy like it was a Buick). We left that office and a weight was off my shoulders and then the reality of life settled in.
Last week-end I went to Babies R Us, my idea of hell, and registered. My mother came with me and 2 1/2 hours later we left exhausted. I am amazed at the amount of stuff out there and the list that the store gave me as registry necessities. I believe we will be having 3 showers, so I tried to add many things to the registry that were in different price points. I felt embarrassed by the list and it just reminded me of our wedding registry all over again. I know this helps people when they want to purchase you something, but it also made me feel so selfish as well.
Kent and I are in a waiting period right now. Waiting for our home to get finished, but that won't happen until September. Waiting for the baby, and that doesn't happen until October. I'm blessed beyond belief and looking forward to settling in this summer and nesting with Kent.
I'm married and pregnant....
I have been unable to get into my computer recently to download photos that I've been wanting to share of our home and what we have been up to. I'm so tired though and swamped with things. Moving is tough, and then trying to remodel and make your new home a comfy place is not a speedy thing. Kent and I had a family meeting this week and we are both on task, budget and he knows his cutoff is the first part of September.
I can't believe I am 18 weeks pregnant. It is starting to hit me this week, the realization of what is happening. I have felt the baby move and it bizarre and comforting at the same time. It's like a little flutter in my lower abdomen and it makes me tear up just thinking about it. I think the move has been stressful and the pregnancy is not on our minds. This wake up call from our little nugget though has propelled me once again into emotional overload and the tears just flow. Today I was walking to the store to get lunch and it just hit me, I'm pregnant, I love my husband, it's sunny out...and I totally started crying. The only thing that jolted me out of this teary state was the two guys who blocked the sidewalk and wouldn't let me pass. Apparently I have nice eyes, and beautiful hair, and "hey baby, can't we just talk." To that I laughed and yelled, "No, I'm married and pregnant," and this just sent me into a laughing fit. They both said, oh, have a nice day.
Happy Friday Everyone!
I can't believe I am 18 weeks pregnant. It is starting to hit me this week, the realization of what is happening. I have felt the baby move and it bizarre and comforting at the same time. It's like a little flutter in my lower abdomen and it makes me tear up just thinking about it. I think the move has been stressful and the pregnancy is not on our minds. This wake up call from our little nugget though has propelled me once again into emotional overload and the tears just flow. Today I was walking to the store to get lunch and it just hit me, I'm pregnant, I love my husband, it's sunny out...and I totally started crying. The only thing that jolted me out of this teary state was the two guys who blocked the sidewalk and wouldn't let me pass. Apparently I have nice eyes, and beautiful hair, and "hey baby, can't we just talk." To that I laughed and yelled, "No, I'm married and pregnant," and this just sent me into a laughing fit. They both said, oh, have a nice day.
Happy Friday Everyone!
We are movin' on up....
Last night we picked up our one key (WTF) to our new home. Kent is beyond excited, home remodeling is his passion. I'll post pics once I can find my camera, but I can see us being in this space for several years. The neighbors are friendly, it is SO quiet it almost freaks me out and the potential of the home is unimaginable (meaning it is sort of dumpy as is!) This week-end we will move as much as we can, like art work and breakables. The official move will happen on Monday by two men who have no clue that we have 20 stairs they have to climb to get to our triplex (I do feel sorry for them). I'm excited about Kent and I finally designing our own home together and preparing for our little one. Happy Friday!!!!!
Pregnant and Homeless...
This past week I've found myself having vivid dreams, like an affair with Alec Baldwin and another one with just myself and my big pregnant belly in a tank dress on the side of the road eating beef jerky. I haven't told Kent about the second one, but this dream has far more strength in becoming a reality than Alec Baldwin applying lotion to my back (I don't even have a thing for Alec Baldwin, but he can be smug and cocky which has been my thing lately, in my dreams). Our housing dilemma has only continued to rock my very moody soul back and forth lately and I'm at my breaking point. We were suppose to close last Thursday but the banks 2nd home inspector wanted the entire outside of the house painted, an indoor railing made and both decks railings revamped. We found this out last Thursday and all work had to be completed by Monday. That's right, we had 3 full days to do the work of what would take weeks. Thank God Kent is a contractor, because honestly, we would never have been able to find a good contractor and painter in such a short time.
I am furious as we were spending time and serious money on a place that WE DON'T EVEN OWN! The seller refused to pay for these things as it was our problem that the bank wouldn't close, not his. We spent this past week-end pressure washing the entire house, building railings and basically killing ourselves. We have been arguing with one another and it is fear based, worried that we will not have anywhere to live. Our triplex is rented and the new people are slated to arrive with their moving truck in one week. The logical side of me knows that things will work out, but my logic is shot at this point, I'm running on pure fumes and emotions.
So tonight as I lie my head on my pillow I will have sweet dreams of Alec Baldwin and moving to a different zip code, not one where I am in a tank dress eating beef jerky.
I am furious as we were spending time and serious money on a place that WE DON'T EVEN OWN! The seller refused to pay for these things as it was our problem that the bank wouldn't close, not his. We spent this past week-end pressure washing the entire house, building railings and basically killing ourselves. We have been arguing with one another and it is fear based, worried that we will not have anywhere to live. Our triplex is rented and the new people are slated to arrive with their moving truck in one week. The logical side of me knows that things will work out, but my logic is shot at this point, I'm running on pure fumes and emotions.
So tonight as I lie my head on my pillow I will have sweet dreams of Alec Baldwin and moving to a different zip code, not one where I am in a tank dress eating beef jerky.
Home...do I have one?
Thanks everyone for your kind words about our little blessing. I'm still sick, have to constantly pee and sleep is a struggle. Trying not to complain as we are both still so excited.
One thing we are struggling with right now is our housing. We were set to close on Thursday of this week, but now that could potentially be a week out or longer. Most of the time I wouldn't care, but our new tenants move in to our current home in 2 weeks. Our goal was to get some things fixed up before we move in, but now I don't think it is going to happen. We took a gamble and we lost and I'm totally pissed by the whole situation. I'm more moody than normal and last night I was just out right rude to Kent about our housing situation. I can't really help us move, or paint too much or aggressively clean. So my hands feel tied and I don't like it. I know this whole summer, our last summer without the obligation of kids, is going to spent on that damn house. I love that Kent is a contractor, but his obsession over this home is a tough one. I know eventually it will work out, but right now, I'm not that optimistic!
One thing we are struggling with right now is our housing. We were set to close on Thursday of this week, but now that could potentially be a week out or longer. Most of the time I wouldn't care, but our new tenants move in to our current home in 2 weeks. Our goal was to get some things fixed up before we move in, but now I don't think it is going to happen. We took a gamble and we lost and I'm totally pissed by the whole situation. I'm more moody than normal and last night I was just out right rude to Kent about our housing situation. I can't really help us move, or paint too much or aggressively clean. So my hands feel tied and I don't like it. I know this whole summer, our last summer without the obligation of kids, is going to spent on that damn house. I love that Kent is a contractor, but his obsession over this home is a tough one. I know eventually it will work out, but right now, I'm not that optimistic!
The Long Overdue Post
All my life people have found solace in confiding to me about their hopes, fears, dreams etc. I have found a way to lock away secrets and keep a cone of silence when required. I'm a little like a professional who offers confidentiality to my clients. I've been holding on to a secret that I have leaked, then freaked out, then buttoned my mouth only to have it snap and my secret leak again. I am pregnant.
It freaks me out to write those words. It freaks me out to even use the word pregnant to describe me. It is a long story and one I have been wanting to share forever, yet I've been wrapped with fear about the pregnancy, the baby, how people will react, especially my friends and fellow bloggers who have suffered for so long as Kent and I have. The best I can do is share my story, as this blog truly was designed as the story of Kent and I.
In late January I found myself scratching my head and wondering why my period had not come. At that point the doctors said no more clomid etc as my left ovary was taken over by a giant cyst. I was told to just go live my life and TTC was off, in the medical sense. I took a pregnancy test on my birthday, it was negative, as I expected and Kent and I went on for the next couple of weeks and had fun, drank up a storm and lived our lives. As I was nearing the 45 day mark I questioned it, took another pregnancy test and it was negative so I started progesterone to get things going. This didn't work and I was getting worried. My main fear was that my cycle was going to start while we were in Palm Springs and I wouldn't have my clomid. Not knowing if my cyst was there still they made me come in for an ultrasound.
The day I went in for the ultrasound I was nervous. I was concerned it had been over 50 days since my last cycle. I, along with my fellow TTC bloggers, see how quickly that calendar moves and I saw my chance of having a baby in 2010 getting smaller and smaller. When the ultrasound technician started the ultrasound she instantly became quiet and started asking me questions. I saw a blob on the screen and I said, "shit, that cyst is still there." She stopped the ultrasound, looked me dead in the eye and said, "no, you are pregnant." I said that was impossible, I wasn't on drugs and I took two pregnancy tests, both were negative. She was very firm, pleasant though, and said I was pregnant and that I probably had a ton of questions. I quickly got dressed and the news flew throughout the fertility clinic...apparently I had a new condition, spontaneous pregnancy.
As I was sitting there waiting for the doctor I immediately started to panic. I had been drinking up a storm (lots of fun events) and because I hurt my sciatica I had been on vicodin, percocet etc. I sat there, fumbling with these pill bottles and then the tears started coming. The doctor told me that I had to forget the past, I was almost 6 weeks pregnant and you now make choices that are correct with the info I have now.
I left the fertility clinic, went up 3 floors to my office, and freaked out. I called Kent and started screaming at him to get somewhere private that he could hear me (he's a contractor) and there was no lovely dovey, I told it like it was, "Kent, I'm fucking pregnant." It didn't even phase him. He said the second pregnancy test looked like it had a faint line (he pulled it from the trash, GROSS!!) He was of course very excited, but I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, and I had a staff meeting to run in 20 minutes. Later that night when we finally were able to see each other there were some tears and utter disbelief. Kent then gave me a present. I opened it up and was reminded of what a thoughtful man he is. When we started TTC I had two baby showers to go to. I started feeling sad for myself and I loved the A,B,C painted blocks that I had bought a friend. Kent went back to the store the next day and bought them for us, to put in our future baby's room. He has been holding on to them for over a year and was so excited to give them to me.
Now we are sitting here at week 14 and feeling pretty optimistic. I'm not going to say that for the first month I wasn't afraid to pee, sneeze, cough or laugh. I was terrified, but as I am finally coming clean about our good news, I'm beginning to get use to the idea of being pregnant and what our futures holds. In about 3 weeks I will have my second big ultrasound that will confirm any abnormalities etc. I tell my baby everyday that we are good and that there is nothing to worry about. We are not going to find out the sex, so right now I just have a little nugget that I am going to love the crap out of.
Ultrasound taken about 2 weeks ago
It freaks me out to write those words. It freaks me out to even use the word pregnant to describe me. It is a long story and one I have been wanting to share forever, yet I've been wrapped with fear about the pregnancy, the baby, how people will react, especially my friends and fellow bloggers who have suffered for so long as Kent and I have. The best I can do is share my story, as this blog truly was designed as the story of Kent and I.
In late January I found myself scratching my head and wondering why my period had not come. At that point the doctors said no more clomid etc as my left ovary was taken over by a giant cyst. I was told to just go live my life and TTC was off, in the medical sense. I took a pregnancy test on my birthday, it was negative, as I expected and Kent and I went on for the next couple of weeks and had fun, drank up a storm and lived our lives. As I was nearing the 45 day mark I questioned it, took another pregnancy test and it was negative so I started progesterone to get things going. This didn't work and I was getting worried. My main fear was that my cycle was going to start while we were in Palm Springs and I wouldn't have my clomid. Not knowing if my cyst was there still they made me come in for an ultrasound.
The day I went in for the ultrasound I was nervous. I was concerned it had been over 50 days since my last cycle. I, along with my fellow TTC bloggers, see how quickly that calendar moves and I saw my chance of having a baby in 2010 getting smaller and smaller. When the ultrasound technician started the ultrasound she instantly became quiet and started asking me questions. I saw a blob on the screen and I said, "shit, that cyst is still there." She stopped the ultrasound, looked me dead in the eye and said, "no, you are pregnant." I said that was impossible, I wasn't on drugs and I took two pregnancy tests, both were negative. She was very firm, pleasant though, and said I was pregnant and that I probably had a ton of questions. I quickly got dressed and the news flew throughout the fertility clinic...apparently I had a new condition, spontaneous pregnancy.
As I was sitting there waiting for the doctor I immediately started to panic. I had been drinking up a storm (lots of fun events) and because I hurt my sciatica I had been on vicodin, percocet etc. I sat there, fumbling with these pill bottles and then the tears started coming. The doctor told me that I had to forget the past, I was almost 6 weeks pregnant and you now make choices that are correct with the info I have now.
I left the fertility clinic, went up 3 floors to my office, and freaked out. I called Kent and started screaming at him to get somewhere private that he could hear me (he's a contractor) and there was no lovely dovey, I told it like it was, "Kent, I'm fucking pregnant." It didn't even phase him. He said the second pregnancy test looked like it had a faint line (he pulled it from the trash, GROSS!!) He was of course very excited, but I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, and I had a staff meeting to run in 20 minutes. Later that night when we finally were able to see each other there were some tears and utter disbelief. Kent then gave me a present. I opened it up and was reminded of what a thoughtful man he is. When we started TTC I had two baby showers to go to. I started feeling sad for myself and I loved the A,B,C painted blocks that I had bought a friend. Kent went back to the store the next day and bought them for us, to put in our future baby's room. He has been holding on to them for over a year and was so excited to give them to me.
Now we are sitting here at week 14 and feeling pretty optimistic. I'm not going to say that for the first month I wasn't afraid to pee, sneeze, cough or laugh. I was terrified, but as I am finally coming clean about our good news, I'm beginning to get use to the idea of being pregnant and what our futures holds. In about 3 weeks I will have my second big ultrasound that will confirm any abnormalities etc. I tell my baby everyday that we are good and that there is nothing to worry about. We are not going to find out the sex, so right now I just have a little nugget that I am going to love the crap out of.
Ultrasound taken about 2 weeks ago
Easter throughout the years....
When I was younger my Mother always dressed my sister up in white dresses, patent leather shoes and a handbag of our choice. We were accessorized head to toe for our trip to church and then to the Easter egg hunt at my Grandma June's. As the years have passed there is no longer a trip to church, or Grandmas, or white dresses; but there is still an Easter egg hunt. It's embarrassing, but it is a competition that I still love to this day.
My mother loves the holidays, she loves to spoil us. She grew up with 10 brothers and sisters and poor as dirt. Her family is a tough bunch of peeps but through all their drama, they are still family. Her goal seems to spoil us to the core and it continues into my 35th year of life. At Easter she still buys plastic eggs and fills them, not with candy, but money. This started about 6 years ago and we were shocked to find $5, $10 and $20 bills scattered around the house. My favorite hunt was one a few years ago that we just picked from a basket because she had her eyelids done two days prior to Easter and she couldn't see. She wore these pink sparkly sunglasses at dinner and I kept calling her Stevie Wonder. That Easter Kent and I killed my sister, of the 3 eggs she picked 2 were total duds, nothing in them. Apparently my sister has been buttering my mom up for Sunday's hunt and asking what colors have the most money. Kent and I are like an Amazing Race team in my parents Puyallup House. We can spot a clue box in a flash. I plan on kicking serious butt on Sunday.
Tonight I am taking Kent to see Hot Tub Time Machine, my expectations are low and I am sure we will still have fun. Then Saturday, if the movie is a bust, I am going to get back at Kent by making him join me for a live performance of Garrison Keillor's A Prairie Home Companion. I am jacked. His voice is totally calming and I love the fictitious town of Lake Wobegon that he tells stories of. NPR is not something I find myself listening to often. My ultimate favorite show though is This American Life. For any of you out there who need an hour every once in awhile to tune out, these shows literally can take you into another world.
My mother loves the holidays, she loves to spoil us. She grew up with 10 brothers and sisters and poor as dirt. Her family is a tough bunch of peeps but through all their drama, they are still family. Her goal seems to spoil us to the core and it continues into my 35th year of life. At Easter she still buys plastic eggs and fills them, not with candy, but money. This started about 6 years ago and we were shocked to find $5, $10 and $20 bills scattered around the house. My favorite hunt was one a few years ago that we just picked from a basket because she had her eyelids done two days prior to Easter and she couldn't see. She wore these pink sparkly sunglasses at dinner and I kept calling her Stevie Wonder. That Easter Kent and I killed my sister, of the 3 eggs she picked 2 were total duds, nothing in them. Apparently my sister has been buttering my mom up for Sunday's hunt and asking what colors have the most money. Kent and I are like an Amazing Race team in my parents Puyallup House. We can spot a clue box in a flash. I plan on kicking serious butt on Sunday.
Tonight I am taking Kent to see Hot Tub Time Machine, my expectations are low and I am sure we will still have fun. Then Saturday, if the movie is a bust, I am going to get back at Kent by making him join me for a live performance of Garrison Keillor's A Prairie Home Companion. I am jacked. His voice is totally calming and I love the fictitious town of Lake Wobegon that he tells stories of. NPR is not something I find myself listening to often. My ultimate favorite show though is This American Life. For any of you out there who need an hour every once in awhile to tune out, these shows literally can take you into another world.
