Positve direction

Happy Monday. I'm super sick right now, but I see the end is near and a few new positive hopes in our sights. This past week I went to a nutritionist with the hopes that I could get some new information to help me combat these 20 (jesus christ) pounds that I have put on this year. One hour later, probably $200 out the door, I learned something that I needed to discover this way...I am pretty damn smart when it comes to nutrition and my body. This doesn't mean that I am always making the right decisions, but I literally left this hour long consultation with nothing. Who in the hell doesn't know that a balanced snack like a string cheese and 5 almonds is a good idea. I left pissed and on the next hunt. A few days later, I totally scored. Through two different doctors I was able to get in touch with a nutritionist who lives in Arizona and her speciality is PCOS; not just a little dabble here and there; her passion is PCOS and helping women through the difficulties that come with this. I am jacked! Honestly, I think this is seriously good news. She gets the insulin component and she will help me with weekly meetings. I'm having my first conference call with her on Wed. I know that only a few people read this blog, but for any PCOS peeps out there she has a blog www.incyst.com.

Today Kent and I also had a follow-up with the RE that I immediately scheduled after finding out we failed this cycle in ovulating. 5 minutes into the conversation I felt my shoulders relax and my tummy calmed down. He apologized for the ARNP making such an off the cuff statement about IVF being our next step. He helped us understand that normally you have 4 successful clomid ovulation cycles and if there is no pregnancy then we move on to another pill, Femera, before we begin injections. IVF and other invasive tests and surgeries are in the far future for now. I am just an almost too be 35 year old woman with PCOS, I just don't ovulate. Everything else looks good so we will continue down this route. When ever my period shows up we will up our cycle of clomid to 150mg (shit) and we will try this two more times. He also didn't think we needed to do the IUI as Kent's junk is awesome. For my peace of mind and a mere $400 I would rather do IUI as it gives us just a little better shot. Oh..and he took me off Metformin! Thank you baby Jesus as my tummy is forever grateful.

So these next few weeks are going to be about relaxing, celebrating with friends and family over the holiday season and beginning a positive journey back into weight loss and taking care of myself. This is the best gift I can give myself right now (that still doesn't mean I don't want that beautiful Navy handbag Kent..hint hint hint). This past week-end we enjoyed our annual "Cousin" holiday dinner with one of Kent's few relatives, his cousin Brian and wife Liz. Our outing included drinks, dinner, drinks, carousel ride, drinks, more drinks and a nightcap of drinks. Hey...I'm not pregnant yet, so let the holidays be merry and bright!

You gotta know when to hold em...

Right now I feel like Kenny Rogers with a hand of b*llsh*t cards. I'm not ready to fold 'em yet, but I am totally bummed out. I just returned from my ultrasound and the eggs are little. Nothing bigger than an 11. They would like to see me over the week-end for another ultrasound and injection, but I won't be here. I'll be rocking, drinking and smoking myself into an oblivion in sin city (not actually...but I feel like taking that path right now). I sat in the waiting room of the RE's office talking to Kent and debating if we should change our flight and come back early on Monday with the hope a big egg is just hanging out and waiting for a dose of hormones to push itself out. I contemplated that, but you know, this is just the way the cards fall sometimes. I have been waiting for this concert and week-end for 7 months. 7 months ago my life was awesome. I spent almost 3 weeks in Italy with my fabulous husband and had no clue about my stupid ovaries. 7 months ago I was so jacked for this concert and I am not going to let today's ultrasound ruin that.

Am I going to sit in my office right now and cry, you bet. Am I going to get on that airplane tomorrow and rock out, yep. Am I going to get another pair of Louboutin's to make me feel better this week-end (only if Kent isn't around). (-:

It's a gamble this week-end that I am willing to ride out. Since I didn't hit the ovary jackpot today that will only ensure my good luck this week-end when I find my kick ass fun Wheel of Fortune Game. The mood I am in now though...I might just head straight to the tables (once I figure out how to play those games).