No, I'm not feeling this way about myself, but Tina Turner's song just popped up on my I-tunes and I feel it must have been an act from above as a way to pump me up as I'm not feeling this way today. I think I have to figure something out for myself this week. Last night I posted that I was worried about my poor choices over the week-end and if I would have a set back this morning when I stepped on the scale. Well..yep, a big setback. Enough steps back to erase my 4 pounds from the previous week. Am I still the best? Am I better than the rest? Tina's singing to me through the computer speakers and I'm still struggling to think that maybe she's not really singing to me, but proclaiming this to anyone who will listen. My goal when I started this "Biggest Loser" challenge was to lose weight. I figured Kent and I would be 6-18 months out from being able to get pregnant so I should push myself as much as I can. Weight loss should be my priority as I have no control over getting pregnant. Then Friday I find out the clomid/metformin combo produced a follicle and the chance that I might have ovulated threw me off. I'm not a negative Nelly, I just didn't expect to have an ultrasound that showed a good egg. There is no baby planning in my brain right now, I was just pleased that the ovaries were functioning a bit and it gave me hope. It also gave me anxiety though and threw me for a loop.
Now I am sitting here thinking about what my goals are. I know how incredibly tough I am on myself. I remember when I would join Weight Watchers and have a couple of good weeks and then I would step on the scale, after working so hard, and there would be nothing to reward me. The WW lady would say something like, "better luck next week," and it would set me off emotionally. Holy crap..do you know what the next song was that just popped up on my I-tunes? That would be The Beatles, Let it Be. Seriously, maybe my new religion will be my I-tunes library and the magic of shuffled music. When I need a question answered, I will leave it to the power of song. Next song that just popped up, no shit, Dolly Parton's Jesus and Gravity. Maybe this is a sick prank someone is playing on me.
Enough with my new religion, my brain is feeling the need to prepare myself emotionally for a roller coaster called fertility and weight loss. This is a total oxymoron, but that's my life. I think I'm going to process for the next few days what is going to be best for me. I feel embarrassed that I didn't lose any weight. I feel pissed that I didn't push myself when my lady business was totally cramping from taking clomid. It's just cramps, it's not going to kill me to workout. I chose to sit on the sofa instead of going to the gym. I disappointed my trainer and myself by not following through with my homework and goals.
I think I need to figure my goals out for the next week.
Showing posts with label Biggest loser. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Biggest loser. Show all posts
Dreading tomorrow AM...
This past week-end I did not fair so well on the "healthy lifestyle front." On Friday I felt the need to celebrate my follicle with Via Tribunali pizza, a glass of wine and a few bites of hazelnut gelato. I wanted to relive Italy when we were enjoying each other's company and not thinking about getting pregnant. It wasn't until we returned from Italy that we started getting more news about my lady business and how it apparently likes to take really long breaks, vacations and sick days. Saturday was tough with a wedding and a high school reunion and GIANT sized Coronas beckoning my call. Sunday was spent with relatives which means you just sit around and eat. Now I did try to make good choices and to not over stuff myself. I just didn't get my fitness in as I need to. I felt really crampy all last week from Clomid and bad belly sick from the Metformin.
Tonight I met my trainer in a very blustery weather evening and it was hard. Like I felt so bloated that I didn't think I could run. Then I pulled my ass muscle and had serious cramps/drama with that. Thank God Chrissy and I are buddies as this could have been embarrassing. I was in trouble for not doing my homework, which was to run 2x last week and to work on my self-esteem. I'm slowly working on this, but it is a work in process.
Tomorrow I have to get on that big scale in the morning and see the damage. I can't blame "Week 2" of my more than likely no success and possibly a set back. Food is my outlet and I chose this too many times. My trainer had a good point tonight. She told me to be positive, to realize this is my time to get healthy for pregnancy and me; to not focus on weight loss but to focus on health. Sure, that's great, but I want to get back to the size I was when I met Kent. I only need to lose one dress size, but it seems to be taunting the crap out of me.
Here's to what lies ahead tomorrow and a new day!
Tonight I met my trainer in a very blustery weather evening and it was hard. Like I felt so bloated that I didn't think I could run. Then I pulled my ass muscle and had serious cramps/drama with that. Thank God Chrissy and I are buddies as this could have been embarrassing. I was in trouble for not doing my homework, which was to run 2x last week and to work on my self-esteem. I'm slowly working on this, but it is a work in process.
Tomorrow I have to get on that big scale in the morning and see the damage. I can't blame "Week 2" of my more than likely no success and possibly a set back. Food is my outlet and I chose this too many times. My trainer had a good point tonight. She told me to be positive, to realize this is my time to get healthy for pregnancy and me; to not focus on weight loss but to focus on health. Sure, that's great, but I want to get back to the size I was when I met Kent. I only need to lose one dress size, but it seems to be taunting the crap out of me.
Here's to what lies ahead tomorrow and a new day!
Week 2 of Biggest Loser
This is the start of week two for our Biggest Loser adventure and I have had several light bulb moments.
1)This is not a temporary thing that I should be thinking about. This weight loss goal should not even be considered a goal, as there is no finish line. This is a lifestyle change.
2)I hate having the write the above crap. It sounds motivational and preachy. Here's the thing, it is all true. It is why I have struggled for years. You can not be successful if you do not make lifelong changes. I can not go back to having several glasses of wine, bread and cheese as a meal. It is not going to happen.
3)Moderation. This is a word that is just not in my vocabulary. I'm sort of a "go big or go home" kind of gal. When I want something, I want it. I am that way with shoes, purses, home items etc. Food is a tricky one for me as I have such a rough relationship with it. I put things on my NO list for as long as possible. Then I cave in and suddenly it is gorge city for a day or even longer. Then I feel guilty and start the same terrible cycle I have for years.
This was a really good week for me and Kent. We both had a 4 pound weight loss. Do we both know most of that is water? You bet! Did we both get in exercise though and make better choices? Yep, so I see this as a win in the Davis household.
For week two my goal is to focus on my fitness. This is the top priority. If this means that we eat at the Whole Food salad bar all week so that there is less time in the kitchen and more time in the gym, then fine. We need to get this habit to stick, the habit of daily fitness. Kent and I are excellent at coming up with excuses for why we don't have time to exercise, but honestly, we do. We watch enough TV, computer surf etc to make it to our gym or run outside daily. We feel better when we are done and I want our family to be that family that walks, rides bikes, hikes etc. Kent and I were both not raised in an environment of exercise, we are going to start that ritual right away.
Knowing what I know about my body...insulin resistance, PCOS etc, I need to do better. I can mope all I want about how it is unfair that my body works against me to lose weight, how it processes foods differently. Really though, those are just obstacles that I can learn to overcome. I have a giant brain that has soaked in quite a bit about food and nutrition. There are days though that I know I am angry that this is my body, that this is what I have to work with. Having the possible fertility issues has only made things more difficult for me to accept. I am going to accept them though because I really have no other choice. No point in denying these facts and then have a donut.
When you know better, you do better. Here's to week two and exercise galore!
1)This is not a temporary thing that I should be thinking about. This weight loss goal should not even be considered a goal, as there is no finish line. This is a lifestyle change.
2)I hate having the write the above crap. It sounds motivational and preachy. Here's the thing, it is all true. It is why I have struggled for years. You can not be successful if you do not make lifelong changes. I can not go back to having several glasses of wine, bread and cheese as a meal. It is not going to happen.
3)Moderation. This is a word that is just not in my vocabulary. I'm sort of a "go big or go home" kind of gal. When I want something, I want it. I am that way with shoes, purses, home items etc. Food is a tricky one for me as I have such a rough relationship with it. I put things on my NO list for as long as possible. Then I cave in and suddenly it is gorge city for a day or even longer. Then I feel guilty and start the same terrible cycle I have for years.
This was a really good week for me and Kent. We both had a 4 pound weight loss. Do we both know most of that is water? You bet! Did we both get in exercise though and make better choices? Yep, so I see this as a win in the Davis household.
For week two my goal is to focus on my fitness. This is the top priority. If this means that we eat at the Whole Food salad bar all week so that there is less time in the kitchen and more time in the gym, then fine. We need to get this habit to stick, the habit of daily fitness. Kent and I are excellent at coming up with excuses for why we don't have time to exercise, but honestly, we do. We watch enough TV, computer surf etc to make it to our gym or run outside daily. We feel better when we are done and I want our family to be that family that walks, rides bikes, hikes etc. Kent and I were both not raised in an environment of exercise, we are going to start that ritual right away.
Knowing what I know about my body...insulin resistance, PCOS etc, I need to do better. I can mope all I want about how it is unfair that my body works against me to lose weight, how it processes foods differently. Really though, those are just obstacles that I can learn to overcome. I have a giant brain that has soaked in quite a bit about food and nutrition. There are days though that I know I am angry that this is my body, that this is what I have to work with. Having the possible fertility issues has only made things more difficult for me to accept. I am going to accept them though because I really have no other choice. No point in denying these facts and then have a donut.
When you know better, you do better. Here's to week two and exercise galore!
Blowing it
This was a packed week-end for Kent and I. Friday night we went to see the comedian Patton Oswalt. These tickets were an anniversary present for Kent, which he was excited about and we totally enjoyed. We attempted happy hour at Brasa before the event, but unfortunately the Metformin I take left me feeling super ill so I didn't get to enjoy myself. Also being on a new health goal sort of dampens my spirits at the bars/restaurants.
Saturday I made us blueberry pancakes (with some of our 11lbs of blueberries!) and I was cautious with my syrup...just a little dip every other bite. I spent the day cleaning and grocery shopping and getting ready to go and see Wicked. This was a show I have been waiting months to see and it was awesome. We were "bad" and treated ourselves after the show to coffee and ice cream. We did share the sundae and didn't finish it.
Sunday I went and had a massage and Kent spent time at his mom's house. We then drove to my parents house as we needed to pick up some items they have been storing for us. While we were driving out there I started feeling really sick again. The nausea from this medicine is the worst part. Also the explosive diarrhea (ED) is not that much fun either. I use ED in any excuse I can to get out of an event etc, because honestly, if someone told you they had ED you wouldn't keep bugging them to go to one more bar for another drink would you? Back to where I was...so I felt really sick again and the only thing that helps with the nausea is food, calming food like peanut butter sandwiches. Having PCOS I really shouldn't have bread etc. Well it seemed like I showed up at my parents house and immediately started grazing. So frustrating as it felt like almost a week's worth of thinking about my food choices etc were just blown away. I just blew my week's effort in two hours.
I am going to remain positive and realize there is no finish line to this race. This food/fitness thing of mine is never going to end. I am ancy to see results and to feel better about myself. I know this weight gain has been over the past 3 years and it will take time to lose. I am staying positive about our future and how to keep Kent and I happy and healthy. I just booked us a trip to Palm Springs over President's Day Week-end. Last year we didn't travel in the grey and depressing winter and it was awful. We will celebrate our joint birthday and valentines day that week-end. If we are lucky, we will be pregnant by then too!
Saturday I made us blueberry pancakes (with some of our 11lbs of blueberries!) and I was cautious with my syrup...just a little dip every other bite. I spent the day cleaning and grocery shopping and getting ready to go and see Wicked. This was a show I have been waiting months to see and it was awesome. We were "bad" and treated ourselves after the show to coffee and ice cream. We did share the sundae and didn't finish it.
Sunday I went and had a massage and Kent spent time at his mom's house. We then drove to my parents house as we needed to pick up some items they have been storing for us. While we were driving out there I started feeling really sick again. The nausea from this medicine is the worst part. Also the explosive diarrhea (ED) is not that much fun either. I use ED in any excuse I can to get out of an event etc, because honestly, if someone told you they had ED you wouldn't keep bugging them to go to one more bar for another drink would you? Back to where I was...so I felt really sick again and the only thing that helps with the nausea is food, calming food like peanut butter sandwiches. Having PCOS I really shouldn't have bread etc. Well it seemed like I showed up at my parents house and immediately started grazing. So frustrating as it felt like almost a week's worth of thinking about my food choices etc were just blown away. I just blew my week's effort in two hours.
I am going to remain positive and realize there is no finish line to this race. This food/fitness thing of mine is never going to end. I am ancy to see results and to feel better about myself. I know this weight gain has been over the past 3 years and it will take time to lose. I am staying positive about our future and how to keep Kent and I happy and healthy. I just booked us a trip to Palm Springs over President's Day Week-end. Last year we didn't travel in the grey and depressing winter and it was awful. We will celebrate our joint birthday and valentines day that week-end. If we are lucky, we will be pregnant by then too!
Club soda with lemon
Last night I went to my first official lady club general meeting. I was nervous, like sweaty palms nervous as I headed into the pre-happy hour meet and greet. I walked out onto the balcony of the bar, spotted a few ladies in my group and sat down. Liquor was all around me, but I ordered a club soda with lemon. It didn't ruin my night, it helped me stay on course with my day.
After the meeting I dashed home and Kent and I went for about a 30 minute walk. My feet were really bothering me and I was so hot and bloated. It could be the clomid, not sure. At least I went though as I didn't get home until almost 9pm.
Then the emotions run wild as Kent and I watch the biggest loser premiere episode. I don't plan on recapping the shows on my blog, there are so many other places to view this information. All I can say is I love Dan. They brought him back from last years season and he was awesome. Not only did he win the first challenge, but he then picked the biggest contestant to be his partner. Last year Dan was the largest contestant ever in the shows history, this year Dan's title has been erased by a woman. The other killer for me was Abby, the woman who two years ago lost her husband and two kids in a car wreck. I was sobbing, like sobbing because I just can't imagine this. I hope she and Dan just kick some butt.
It was awesome to be watching the show last night and to not be eating ice cream while it was playing and to know that I too can put myself on the top of my list. I may not be able to just stop everything and go away for 5 months, but I can at least do my best.
Today was my last day of Clomid, so now I will just work really hard at my health and have an ultrasound next Tuesday to see if it helped knock those eggs around.
After the meeting I dashed home and Kent and I went for about a 30 minute walk. My feet were really bothering me and I was so hot and bloated. It could be the clomid, not sure. At least I went though as I didn't get home until almost 9pm.
Then the emotions run wild as Kent and I watch the biggest loser premiere episode. I don't plan on recapping the shows on my blog, there are so many other places to view this information. All I can say is I love Dan. They brought him back from last years season and he was awesome. Not only did he win the first challenge, but he then picked the biggest contestant to be his partner. Last year Dan was the largest contestant ever in the shows history, this year Dan's title has been erased by a woman. The other killer for me was Abby, the woman who two years ago lost her husband and two kids in a car wreck. I was sobbing, like sobbing because I just can't imagine this. I hope she and Dan just kick some butt.
It was awesome to be watching the show last night and to not be eating ice cream while it was playing and to know that I too can put myself on the top of my list. I may not be able to just stop everything and go away for 5 months, but I can at least do my best.
Today was my last day of Clomid, so now I will just work really hard at my health and have an ultrasound next Tuesday to see if it helped knock those eggs around.
What have you done today....
...to make you feel proud? Alright people, it is here. My official start off of what I hope to be a healthy transition with my weight, my mentality and my emotional eating.
Tonight is the start of The Biggest Loser. Kent and I have slated this date as also our start to kick off a new way of life for us. I've been doing my best to live in the moment and make positive changes. The Biggest Loser has been a show I have enjoyed watching and hoping that someday I will too have those successes. Some may find the TV show pathetic or have some form of judgement on it. Yes, they are big on their product endorsements. Yes, they find ways to get people to open up etc and have a good cry and Jillian can turn around and be their emotional support buddy. But, there also can be a form of inspiration in this show that is available if one is open to it. I don't like the "cattiness" of the game. It would be tough for me to compete in this show as I am always so happy when people have lost weight etc (except for that bitch Vicky from a few seasons ago. She was awful!)
My hope with today is that I will place myself on the top of my priority list. I have weekly goals for Kent and I to build on. This, being week one, is for us to keep a food journal of everything we eat. Of course we will want to be careful of what we are eating, get exercise etc. The main focus of this week though is to really be in the mindset of the foods we choose. Was I really hungry, or was it something else? Where could I have made a better choice? There is something that happens when you have to write everything down. You are more accountable. I plan on doing this as religiously as possible. I would like to continue it week by week as food is the thing for me.
So along with weighing ourselves this morning (YIKES) we also took these fabulous photos of ourselves.
Now I don't expect to see this incredible change over the season, we are not trying to lose 100+ pounds. Even subtle changes can make a world of difference for Kent and I. Our health is pretty good, but we both have gained weight, our clothes are too tight, and we just don't feel that great about ourselves. Along with the health benefits of losing weight I hope to also gain back some of that self-esteem that has dwindled over the past few years. I honestly thought that if I could just find someone to love me, get married etc., these negative feelings about myself would go away. How wrong was I! On a positive note I have been able to discover this quickly in our relationship and understand this is not the case, at least not for me it isn't. I also am serious about trying to get pregnant so getting healthier is a win-win for both myself and any future babies.
So here's to day one, of week one. I'm also having to plan for this evening as I have a cocktail party to go to and it doesn't end until 8:30pm. I am going to work on getting some food beforehand and somehow get some type of fitness in today. This is going to be tricky.
Tonight is the start of The Biggest Loser. Kent and I have slated this date as also our start to kick off a new way of life for us. I've been doing my best to live in the moment and make positive changes. The Biggest Loser has been a show I have enjoyed watching and hoping that someday I will too have those successes. Some may find the TV show pathetic or have some form of judgement on it. Yes, they are big on their product endorsements. Yes, they find ways to get people to open up etc and have a good cry and Jillian can turn around and be their emotional support buddy. But, there also can be a form of inspiration in this show that is available if one is open to it. I don't like the "cattiness" of the game. It would be tough for me to compete in this show as I am always so happy when people have lost weight etc (except for that bitch Vicky from a few seasons ago. She was awful!)
My hope with today is that I will place myself on the top of my priority list. I have weekly goals for Kent and I to build on. This, being week one, is for us to keep a food journal of everything we eat. Of course we will want to be careful of what we are eating, get exercise etc. The main focus of this week though is to really be in the mindset of the foods we choose. Was I really hungry, or was it something else? Where could I have made a better choice? There is something that happens when you have to write everything down. You are more accountable. I plan on doing this as religiously as possible. I would like to continue it week by week as food is the thing for me.
So along with weighing ourselves this morning (YIKES) we also took these fabulous photos of ourselves.
Now I don't expect to see this incredible change over the season, we are not trying to lose 100+ pounds. Even subtle changes can make a world of difference for Kent and I. Our health is pretty good, but we both have gained weight, our clothes are too tight, and we just don't feel that great about ourselves. Along with the health benefits of losing weight I hope to also gain back some of that self-esteem that has dwindled over the past few years. I honestly thought that if I could just find someone to love me, get married etc., these negative feelings about myself would go away. How wrong was I! On a positive note I have been able to discover this quickly in our relationship and understand this is not the case, at least not for me it isn't. I also am serious about trying to get pregnant so getting healthier is a win-win for both myself and any future babies.
So here's to day one, of week one. I'm also having to plan for this evening as I have a cocktail party to go to and it doesn't end until 8:30pm. I am going to work on getting some food beforehand and somehow get some type of fitness in today. This is going to be tricky.
Must...move...legs...
So I have about a nano-second to blog. I just finished with an all day retreat thing with a group I recently joined. Not sure if it will fit me, but I am going to give it a shot. Here's my main issue today---OMG, what was I thinking yesterday letting my trainer push me that hard. I haven't done pushups in MONTHS, and I did 20 full pushups (no knees) and 20 on my knees. 3 sets of lunges, 4 sets of squats, massive amounts of situps and sprints in between. I am dying. My body hurts so bad I could almost not put on my bra by myself today. Can't quite reach around to do the hooks! I have to find the motivation though to help me remember these are the short term problems with starting a new fitness routine. I'm determined to stretch a ton tonight before bed, because I know that I will be even more sore tomorrow.
Tonight I am going to one of my friends house who I use to workout with. She and her husband just had a baby. My trainer will also be there and if she didn't run 20 miles today, I would probably kick her ass. I still might make her stretch me though.
PS...2 days until my biggest loser conquest begins. The day of, I already have a cocktail function to go to. I'm back to club soda with lime (-: So very Jillian of me.
Tonight I am going to one of my friends house who I use to workout with. She and her husband just had a baby. My trainer will also be there and if she didn't run 20 miles today, I would probably kick her ass. I still might make her stretch me though.
PS...2 days until my biggest loser conquest begins. The day of, I already have a cocktail function to go to. I'm back to club soda with lime (-: So very Jillian of me.
Managing expectations
Recently I've felt very squeezed by work, home life, family etc. I feel as if I'm not managing expectations very well or doing the best at providing crystal clear communication. I've been working on my boundaries though and that's been a beautiful thing.
Yesterday I had a friend from the past send me a facebook friendship request. I have wondered for some time where this person's life has carried them. We've had no communication for the past 8 years and we left on very harsh words. My own mentality is stronger and wiser now and knows that people can change, I certainly am not the same person. Situations change, emotions change and I am in control of my personal feelings and boundaries. I'm unsure of where this will lead, but the email I received brought a smile to my face.
Yesterday I met with my trainer/friend Chris and we went for a run in the pouring rain. I looked like Ozzy Osbourne by time we returned to her home for Turkey and Kale soup (she has this damn thing with Kale). As Chris was asking me about my weight loss goals I did my best, between gasping breaths, to explain my weight loss is no longer about my calorie intake or my exercise. My connections to my personal well-being and my weight are very strong right now. I see how much my own expectations of my weight loss drive me to go in polar directions. It is all or nothing with me, and this is not a manageable expectation. I'm really beginning to see this problem I have with food as something that I can manage. I don't want to turn to a drug or turn to a program to give me guidance. I am my own guidance. I understand my body, I know so much about nutrition and if I don't know something, I know how to figure it out. I don't want to rely on drugs, God, a sponsor or self help group to uplift me and give me some weird out of body experience to lose weight. My body will lose weight when I treat it properly and provide it the tools to do so. Managing my expectations is going to be probably the most challenging thing of all.
Yesterday I had a friend from the past send me a facebook friendship request. I have wondered for some time where this person's life has carried them. We've had no communication for the past 8 years and we left on very harsh words. My own mentality is stronger and wiser now and knows that people can change, I certainly am not the same person. Situations change, emotions change and I am in control of my personal feelings and boundaries. I'm unsure of where this will lead, but the email I received brought a smile to my face.
Yesterday I met with my trainer/friend Chris and we went for a run in the pouring rain. I looked like Ozzy Osbourne by time we returned to her home for Turkey and Kale soup (she has this damn thing with Kale). As Chris was asking me about my weight loss goals I did my best, between gasping breaths, to explain my weight loss is no longer about my calorie intake or my exercise. My connections to my personal well-being and my weight are very strong right now. I see how much my own expectations of my weight loss drive me to go in polar directions. It is all or nothing with me, and this is not a manageable expectation. I'm really beginning to see this problem I have with food as something that I can manage. I don't want to turn to a drug or turn to a program to give me guidance. I am my own guidance. I understand my body, I know so much about nutrition and if I don't know something, I know how to figure it out. I don't want to rely on drugs, God, a sponsor or self help group to uplift me and give me some weird out of body experience to lose weight. My body will lose weight when I treat it properly and provide it the tools to do so. Managing my expectations is going to be probably the most challenging thing of all.
I smell something fishy..
Kent and I have had a fun labor day week-end. Friday night we went to dinner with his best friend (BFF) Fred and his family and friends to celebrate Fred's 39th birthday. We were not overly excited about dining at Chinooks as it is honestly one of those seafood restaurants that remind me of what old people eat at; like a seafood Denny's joint. Kent also doesn't eat seafood so going to this place is like to try to say onay eafood say to someone who doesn't get pig latin. The food was mediocre and I kept thinking about how the place needed a major overhaul but they did do one thing right...the festival of peaches was a "highlight" for this joint and did they make me a mean peach martini. Yummy.
Saturday we found ourselves experiencing our first UW Football game together. We went with friends and tailgated for many hours prior and the Ms. Manners in me was chastised for our considerations. We arrived at a tail gate of a woman I've met twice. Both times it was 5:30am and we were running stairs with my trainer. Not exactly the time to play the getting to know you game. Trying to not "hog and jog" we brought a cooler full of beer, snacks and our own food to grill. WOAH...you would have thought that Kent had literally whipped out his ding dong and pissed all over the joint. People were mad, like down right insulted that we had the nerve to show up with our own food and not enjoy the fruits of their labor. Let me tell you about their labors as well. First of all a 35"+ flat screen with dish network to watch all of the other games going on around the country. More booze than I had seen in years. A complete dining ensemble with chaffing dishes...chaffing dishes people. Then I roll in with my ghetto cooler that squeaks like an old door to a haunted house every time you open it and turkey burgers. The insult was overwhelming when our friends Colleen and Trever pulled out their marinated turkey burgers. Everyone around us was all about meat...ribs, jambalaya. You name it. Only a pansy would eat turkey burgers was essentially the vibe we received. The best part of the tail gate was the fact that we just left that damn cooler. If there was one part of the tailgate experience I regret, it would be not taking a photo of Kent and Trever carrying our cooler. These boys had to carry this cooler for over a mile and Kent is 5'10" and Trever is 6'11". It was like Rob and Big from MTV, lugging our unaware hall of shame party foul.
Trever is not BIG, like Big is. He is just tall, like super tall. Like the perfect beacon at a party if you think you have lost all of your friends. You can spot Trever in a nano-second. I can't find a good photo of the two of them..but here is a photo of Colleen and Trever at our wedding.
The drama continued at our second tail gate stop. It was the DKE tailgate and it was on the other side of the stadium, where the riff raff was. The DKE boys do try. They had a gallon size hand sanitizer, but that was about as exotic of a female touch as this place had. The usual giant tub of crappy mayonnaise salad that is on sale at Safeway, giant sausages and a keg. The difference on this side of the stadium is the youth. How blatantly obvious it was that Kent and I went to school in the 90's. I also almost had to take a B**ch down who was causing such a scene in the honey bucket line that when it was finally my turn, somebody was shaking my bucket, WHILE I AM IN IT, and saying they were going to tip it over. I had been drinking, but not that much, and I literally unlocked it, swung the door open as hard as I could and practically came out swinging. I may be 34 1/2, but I have better health insurance, and a 3 carat diamond ring that will cause your face some damage. I'm so ghetto for even writing this, but I only have one thing to say...bitch please.
The game was totally fun and our friend Shannon (Birdie) was so sweet to get us tickets. Today we were suppose to go and see Bonnie Rait and Tajmahal at the Chateau Ste. Michelle winery but it has been raining so hard, we just didn't go. That is so not like us, but it was it is. We instead had dinner at Tutta Bella and a trip to Molly Moon's for my favorite ice cream in the world, Salted Carmel. This is so delicious, I have literally found myself in line for over 25 minutes. It is worth every calorie.
Now here is where the fishy part comes in. Today, as Kent I were just chillin' on the sofa I saw my friend/ trainer Chris calling. I figured she was saying hi as we did not see each other last night at the game. Instead, she told me that she had gone on one of her training runs today and had a long time to think about me. Having a woman run for 18 miles and "think" about you is not a good thing. Particularly since this woman has been known to hurt my body so bad that I have found myself needing to use the handicapped bathroom as I have to literally levitate with the bars to lift myself down to pee. She wanted to know if I had time for lunch, and to talk. I told her I was pretty busy at work and then she wanted to know what I was doing tomorrow night. I told her Kent and I were free, so she told me great, I'll meet you at Greenlake at 5pm. We can go for run and chat. Whoa. I haven't run in months. Like I know I could possibly hurt myself as my second ass (that layer that is up high on your butt...almost like a muffin top of the back) could give me a concussion from jiggling too much. So now I know she is up to something. I told her my biggest loser challenge was starting in one week. She said great, but she didn't care about what I was doing in a week. She wanted to know what I was doing now. Right now I am sitting here too full from ice cream and letting my fingers get a work out instead of my body. She is up to something. I have found myself doing triathlons, 1/2 marathons etc because she has a vision. I know she is running the Portland marathon in a month and asked if we wanted to come. I was going to shop, she would run. I would make a sign for her and cheer her on. I know she is not going to ask me to race, but I have a feeling she is going to propose something for me. Sort of like the time she had me go up a gentle hike..please, a 4 1/2 mile switchback with a reward lunch of tuna and kale is not my idea of a fair proposal. So tonight may have been my last reward of sorts with food. I've actually been very conscious this past week about my eating. It is a very good thing.
On one final note, my lady business has still not come. I've not had my period since July 28th and I am not pregnant. I've done a series of hormornes to get it to start, but not luck. It's like it is just sort of stuck. I'm trying to not focus on this, but it is sort of hard. I think Judy Blume had a book to help increase your bust...maybe she wrote one about increasing your period???
Saturday we found ourselves experiencing our first UW Football game together. We went with friends and tailgated for many hours prior and the Ms. Manners in me was chastised for our considerations. We arrived at a tail gate of a woman I've met twice. Both times it was 5:30am and we were running stairs with my trainer. Not exactly the time to play the getting to know you game. Trying to not "hog and jog" we brought a cooler full of beer, snacks and our own food to grill. WOAH...you would have thought that Kent had literally whipped out his ding dong and pissed all over the joint. People were mad, like down right insulted that we had the nerve to show up with our own food and not enjoy the fruits of their labor. Let me tell you about their labors as well. First of all a 35"+ flat screen with dish network to watch all of the other games going on around the country. More booze than I had seen in years. A complete dining ensemble with chaffing dishes...chaffing dishes people. Then I roll in with my ghetto cooler that squeaks like an old door to a haunted house every time you open it and turkey burgers. The insult was overwhelming when our friends Colleen and Trever pulled out their marinated turkey burgers. Everyone around us was all about meat...ribs, jambalaya. You name it. Only a pansy would eat turkey burgers was essentially the vibe we received. The best part of the tail gate was the fact that we just left that damn cooler. If there was one part of the tailgate experience I regret, it would be not taking a photo of Kent and Trever carrying our cooler. These boys had to carry this cooler for over a mile and Kent is 5'10" and Trever is 6'11". It was like Rob and Big from MTV, lugging our unaware hall of shame party foul.
Trever is not BIG, like Big is. He is just tall, like super tall. Like the perfect beacon at a party if you think you have lost all of your friends. You can spot Trever in a nano-second. I can't find a good photo of the two of them..but here is a photo of Colleen and Trever at our wedding.
The drama continued at our second tail gate stop. It was the DKE tailgate and it was on the other side of the stadium, where the riff raff was. The DKE boys do try. They had a gallon size hand sanitizer, but that was about as exotic of a female touch as this place had. The usual giant tub of crappy mayonnaise salad that is on sale at Safeway, giant sausages and a keg. The difference on this side of the stadium is the youth. How blatantly obvious it was that Kent and I went to school in the 90's. I also almost had to take a B**ch down who was causing such a scene in the honey bucket line that when it was finally my turn, somebody was shaking my bucket, WHILE I AM IN IT, and saying they were going to tip it over. I had been drinking, but not that much, and I literally unlocked it, swung the door open as hard as I could and practically came out swinging. I may be 34 1/2, but I have better health insurance, and a 3 carat diamond ring that will cause your face some damage. I'm so ghetto for even writing this, but I only have one thing to say...bitch please.
The game was totally fun and our friend Shannon (Birdie) was so sweet to get us tickets. Today we were suppose to go and see Bonnie Rait and Tajmahal at the Chateau Ste. Michelle winery but it has been raining so hard, we just didn't go. That is so not like us, but it was it is. We instead had dinner at Tutta Bella and a trip to Molly Moon's for my favorite ice cream in the world, Salted Carmel. This is so delicious, I have literally found myself in line for over 25 minutes. It is worth every calorie.
Now here is where the fishy part comes in. Today, as Kent I were just chillin' on the sofa I saw my friend/ trainer Chris calling. I figured she was saying hi as we did not see each other last night at the game. Instead, she told me that she had gone on one of her training runs today and had a long time to think about me. Having a woman run for 18 miles and "think" about you is not a good thing. Particularly since this woman has been known to hurt my body so bad that I have found myself needing to use the handicapped bathroom as I have to literally levitate with the bars to lift myself down to pee. She wanted to know if I had time for lunch, and to talk. I told her I was pretty busy at work and then she wanted to know what I was doing tomorrow night. I told her Kent and I were free, so she told me great, I'll meet you at Greenlake at 5pm. We can go for run and chat. Whoa. I haven't run in months. Like I know I could possibly hurt myself as my second ass (that layer that is up high on your butt...almost like a muffin top of the back) could give me a concussion from jiggling too much. So now I know she is up to something. I told her my biggest loser challenge was starting in one week. She said great, but she didn't care about what I was doing in a week. She wanted to know what I was doing now. Right now I am sitting here too full from ice cream and letting my fingers get a work out instead of my body. She is up to something. I have found myself doing triathlons, 1/2 marathons etc because she has a vision. I know she is running the Portland marathon in a month and asked if we wanted to come. I was going to shop, she would run. I would make a sign for her and cheer her on. I know she is not going to ask me to race, but I have a feeling she is going to propose something for me. Sort of like the time she had me go up a gentle hike..please, a 4 1/2 mile switchback with a reward lunch of tuna and kale is not my idea of a fair proposal. So tonight may have been my last reward of sorts with food. I've actually been very conscious this past week about my eating. It is a very good thing.
On one final note, my lady business has still not come. I've not had my period since July 28th and I am not pregnant. I've done a series of hormornes to get it to start, but not luck. It's like it is just sort of stuck. I'm trying to not focus on this, but it is sort of hard. I think Judy Blume had a book to help increase your bust...maybe she wrote one about increasing your period???
Something is brewing...
This week-end I had a wonderful time with friends celebrating a recent engagement and a birthday. It was fun to catch up with lost friends and to make new ones. Sadly, my mind was filled with the constant annoyance of how tight my clothes were and how uncomfortable I was. I was embarrassed at how I looked and it bogged me down both nights. I can no longer deny the elephant in the room, that big ass white elephant which is my weight gain and dropping self esteem. I am ready to gather my troops though and put myself out there to be as honest as I can about my life, my weight and my future. Yes, Kent and I are still going to try monthly to get pregnant, but I can no longer put my health on hold. I am going to spend the next three weeks preparing myself for September 15th.
Here is what I am gearing up for.
The biggest loser is something I have blogged about before and it tends to be very inspirational to me in the beginning and then as the season continues, it almost taunts me. The new season begins Sept. 15th and I am ready to make my own challenge and commitment to myself. So far Kent and another friend are on board. I don't think there are very many people out there who read my blog, but I am telling everyone who is struggling with their weight and self esteem about my idea(s). I am a serious fan in leaning on others, particularly in the challenge of weight loss. I enjoyed WW, but it is not the program for me. I miss my supportive group of women that I use to work out with. They motivated me and helped me get my butt up in the early morning hours and get my fitness in for the day. It is time for me to make a plan of attack as it is frustrating to be so sad and tearful daily. I am going to do my best to prove that I can regain the control I once had over my fitness, my emotional eating and my personal well being. I want to rediscover that old person who has just somehow given up on herself. I have slowly been putting on weight over the past few years and I really need to stop it now. I am terrified about getting pregnant due to the weight gain that will incur. This is not the state of mind I want to enter into a pregnancy with.
I have briefly today thought about how/what I can do differently that has not worked for me in the past. I think having a weekly goal/focus will possibly help me towards my weight loss goals. Right now I have 10 different topics I would like to focus on and one will be given for each week. I am tired of giving up on myself and I am really tired of expending all of my energy onto others. I feel like a plane that is taking a nose dive and I am determined to get it headed back in the right direction again. It is time that I take control and put my oxygen mask on before I put on those around me.
I look forward to the planning of this event and for anyone who wants to join, I welcome you. I have added a weightloss ticker to help me track my progress, but I'm not going to use it until Sept. 15th. More to follow.
Here is what I am gearing up for.
The biggest loser is something I have blogged about before and it tends to be very inspirational to me in the beginning and then as the season continues, it almost taunts me. The new season begins Sept. 15th and I am ready to make my own challenge and commitment to myself. So far Kent and another friend are on board. I don't think there are very many people out there who read my blog, but I am telling everyone who is struggling with their weight and self esteem about my idea(s). I am a serious fan in leaning on others, particularly in the challenge of weight loss. I enjoyed WW, but it is not the program for me. I miss my supportive group of women that I use to work out with. They motivated me and helped me get my butt up in the early morning hours and get my fitness in for the day. It is time for me to make a plan of attack as it is frustrating to be so sad and tearful daily. I am going to do my best to prove that I can regain the control I once had over my fitness, my emotional eating and my personal well being. I want to rediscover that old person who has just somehow given up on herself. I have slowly been putting on weight over the past few years and I really need to stop it now. I am terrified about getting pregnant due to the weight gain that will incur. This is not the state of mind I want to enter into a pregnancy with.
I have briefly today thought about how/what I can do differently that has not worked for me in the past. I think having a weekly goal/focus will possibly help me towards my weight loss goals. Right now I have 10 different topics I would like to focus on and one will be given for each week. I am tired of giving up on myself and I am really tired of expending all of my energy onto others. I feel like a plane that is taking a nose dive and I am determined to get it headed back in the right direction again. It is time that I take control and put my oxygen mask on before I put on those around me.
I look forward to the planning of this event and for anyone who wants to join, I welcome you. I have added a weightloss ticker to help me track my progress, but I'm not going to use it until Sept. 15th. More to follow.
