Simply the Best..

No, I'm not feeling this way about myself, but Tina Turner's song just popped up on my I-tunes and I feel it must have been an act from above as a way to pump me up as I'm not feeling this way today. I think I have to figure something out for myself this week. Last night I posted that I was worried about my poor choices over the week-end and if I would have a set back this morning when I stepped on the scale. Well..yep, a big setback. Enough steps back to erase my 4 pounds from the previous week. Am I still the best? Am I better than the rest? Tina's singing to me through the computer speakers and I'm still struggling to think that maybe she's not really singing to me, but proclaiming this to anyone who will listen. My goal when I started this "Biggest Loser" challenge was to lose weight. I figured Kent and I would be 6-18 months out from being able to get pregnant so I should push myself as much as I can. Weight loss should be my priority as I have no control over getting pregnant. Then Friday I find out the clomid/metformin combo produced a follicle and the chance that I might have ovulated threw me off. I'm not a negative Nelly, I just didn't expect to have an ultrasound that showed a good egg. There is no baby planning in my brain right now, I was just pleased that the ovaries were functioning a bit and it gave me hope. It also gave me anxiety though and threw me for a loop.

Now I am sitting here thinking about what my goals are. I know how incredibly tough I am on myself. I remember when I would join Weight Watchers and have a couple of good weeks and then I would step on the scale, after working so hard, and there would be nothing to reward me. The WW lady would say something like, "better luck next week," and it would set me off emotionally. Holy crap..do you know what the next song was that just popped up on my I-tunes? That would be The Beatles, Let it Be. Seriously, maybe my new religion will be my I-tunes library and the magic of shuffled music. When I need a question answered, I will leave it to the power of song. Next song that just popped up, no shit, Dolly Parton's Jesus and Gravity. Maybe this is a sick prank someone is playing on me.

Enough with my new religion, my brain is feeling the need to prepare myself emotionally for a roller coaster called fertility and weight loss. This is a total oxymoron, but that's my life. I think I'm going to process for the next few days what is going to be best for me. I feel embarrassed that I didn't lose any weight. I feel pissed that I didn't push myself when my lady business was totally cramping from taking clomid. It's just cramps, it's not going to kill me to workout. I chose to sit on the sofa instead of going to the gym. I disappointed my trainer and myself by not following through with my homework and goals.

I think I need to figure my goals out for the next week.