The tough road ahead........

Last night as I heard fireworks in my neighborhood I knew what had just happened. Due to my incredible amount of anxiety I wouldn't allow Kent and I to watch the news or CNN. We were watching Desperate Housewives when the news broke that Obama won. I wanted to try and avert my attention to a ridiculous TV show while the votes were still coming in. I truly did not think we would know who our next President would be until late in the night. When those fireworks started though I knew it. I started screaming for Kent to give me the remote and I quickly turned the channel and saw it. Tens of thousands of people feeling exactly my emotions. Wow! We had just elected Barack Obama to be our next President. I honestly am not a political junkie, I just felt such a strong urge to have a completely different vision for this country. I went to bed with a smile on my face...it could have been from Obama's speech or the wine, pizza and gelato I had consumed that evening.

Now that the news is settling in around the world I am realizing what a tough task this will be. Regardless of who would have won, either of these men would be in for a tough road. I do feel though that Obama will somehow gather his strengths and manage it the best he can. This morning I was driving to work and really reflecting on this change that is taking place. I was thinking about the determination it took for Obama to get elected. For almost 2 years he has been on the campaign trail trying to get his voice heard and to accomplish the goal he set out to win. Here is the part of this story that actually pisses me off to write about; my brain actually thought today that if a Black man can be President, than I can lose weight. My weight has always been a struggle, like a serious struggle. It consumes my life and predicts what type of day I will be having. I sort of see the road Obama and I have ahead of us as one that is going to be bumpy for some time.

For the past several months I have turned to food as a way to comfort myself. It is frustrating that I do this though because it causes problems in my moods, my relationship with Kent and the way I feel about myself. I keep making excuses for why I can't workout or why I can justify the large amount of food or poor choices. I am so fed up though with thinking about my weight. I honestly think this is one of the reasons why I have pretty much given up on myself. It is just so overwhelming to have to think about every little thing that enters my mouth. It pisses me off when other people eat the same way or even worse and they don't gain a pound. I'm sick of hearing about how I am big boned, or that I am muscular. The truth is that I have just given up on myself and I can not do this anymore. My life is bigger than just what I see or think. Kent and I are thinking about kids and I want to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. This task of losing weight and preparing my body is honestly going to be a very difficult task for me. I may need to just focus on the determination Obama held during this campaign and pay careful attention to the fact that it was a long and steady race, but he finished first.

It is probably pretty shallow to be writing this post. I see no need though to not write about what I am thinking. I have been on a diet since I was 6 years old. Honestly, 6 years old. I have tried every diet book, scheme or gimmick I can get my hands on. When I think about my future I see one big a** road with many twists and turns, but somehow I am going to jump on my determination bandwagon and find a way to reach my health goals. To President-elect Barack Obama, thank you for giving me a little extra push to accomplish a goal that I have never thought possible; a healthy body weight. Being elected the first Black President and losing weight may not be the best correlation, but I think we can all recognize that determination is determination, we each just have a different goal.