TMI

Yesterday I was really looking forward to going to my Dr. appointment. Crazy, yes, but it was exciting for me. I was meeting with a new Gynecologist for a pre-pregnancy appointment to discuss what steps I should be taking. I have been reading some items on the Internet and I am officially off of birth control, but we are using condoms, as we don't want to get pregnant prior to going to Italy.

While I was in the exam room talking to her she brought up something that I had honestly forgot about. In 2001 I was about 65-70 pounds heavier than I am now. At that point I was needing to see an Endocrinologist to work on my blood sugars etc. It was at these appointments that I was told I had PCOS, or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. When I read the brochures and scoured the Internet I was more annoyed at the fact that this is a cause of acne, thinning hair, hair in weird places (I call them goat hairs--those nasty weird facial hairs), weight gain and difficulty in losing weight etc. The other huge thing is difficulty with pregnancy or becoming pregnant. I remember being sad about that, but I was also living my usual single life and I truthfully never thought I would get married and have children. Well fast forward 8 years and I am now married and wanting children. So when the Dr. brought up the fact that I had PCOS I was not upset as I figured everything would be back to normal due to my weight loss.

It was during this appointment that she looked at me and started discussing medications we would probably use to help me get pregnant. She is fine with my weight and knows that I am working on it. I left feeling sad, but OK. Then I went back on the Internet and I remembered everything I was sad about years ago....45% chance of miscarriage compared to 15% chance for a woman without PCOS. There were multiple risks and complications that can occur. The severity of PCOS varies and I can help reduce these symptoms through fitness and nutrition. It also reminded me again why I should be on a fairly low-carb diet (not Atkins filled with Bacon) but the fact that my body doesn't process insulin correctly and carbs/sugars just flood the bloodstream and cause problems.

I have a little anger right now as I am thinking that I did all of that hard work on my own. I didn't take prescriptions or have surgery---I worked out. I worked out so hard that it hurt to use the bathroom because my legs were so sore I could barely bend to sit. My abs use to be so sore that I couldn't sit up in bed--I had to just roll out. I did all this hard work so that I wouldn't become diabetic and that I could find a little more peace with my body. I am keeping my chin up and not thinking that everything was done in vain.

Last week Kent and I went to an art gallery that was hosting Robert Deyber and his new book and works. Kent and I fell in love with his work in New Orleans and he gave me one of his prints for a wedding gift. While we were at the gallery I found this...and I wanted it.



The work is titled Party Animal II and I love it. The first thing that came to my mind was that this should be in a baby's room. So we did it, we bought our future baby their first piece of art. We had the artist sign the back "To the future little Davis". I am not hanging this piece anywhere else, except in a baby's room. I am going to practice my belief in myself and that all things happen for a reason. I will learn what my body's limits are and what I am capable of changing. I am sad right now that once again I am feeling anger for this body that has caused me grief since I was 5. Age 5 was when I was told by the school nurse that I was overweight and my life long grief over my weight and body has continued through the present time. I'm not feeling like I need to be pitied. I'm just feeling a bit of sadness, but I am still encouraged by my amazing husband who is my true support. Everything will be OK, one way or another.