Yes, I can hold

Have you ever found yourself calling a company, possibly Quest, MSN or even your local power company and you are instantly put on hold to some sort of soft jazz music? I feel like someone called Kent and I a few weeks ago and placed us on hold. Man I hate holding steady; not moving in any direction. Kent and I have been working on a refi of our triplex and we are in an awful holding pattern. We don't know the when or how or what and it is growing old. The opportunity that is presented before us is just too great to pass up. The amount of work to get there though is enough to want to give up. It is like a carrot being dangled before our eyes (or more like a fat piece of chocolate cake) and we just can't quite reach it. If the refi goes through our flexibility financially will improve dramatically and new doors will open up quickly. If it doesn't happen we will need to completely change our thoughts and move on to plan B, C and down the rest of the chain. We have wanted to move this summer and it is difficult not knowing where we are headed.

The other holding pattern I am faced with is this whole trying to get pregnant thing. I've been "waiting" for my period, or business as I call it, to come. I'm quite bitchy and bloated so it should be here any day now. I'm like a hostage by my own body and this looks like it will be a very long road of negotiations, drugging and coaxing. On Tuesday night I found myself lying on a bed in a Naturopath's office with many needles all over my body. I was told that I was "damp" and that we will be able to work out those hormonal imbalances I have. The acupuncture was not painful. The needles in my forearms sent shocks up my entire arm that felt as if I hit my funny bone. The one the was inserted at the top of my head instantly made me not be able to feel my neck. I was lying down on that table, unable to feel like I could move, and I felt a tear slowly move down my face. Anxiety, fear, sadness etc were erupting within me and I just had to lie there and think of wonderful and beautiful things. I'm trying to remind myself of why I am going to go through these things. I love kids, I always have. I love my husband and I can't wait to have a family with him. I need to find a stronger place within myself who will be able to handle the weekly acupuncture, the counting of days to ovulate and the sadness that will come when my period shows up. This will be my life for awhile. I will be on hold and not sure what my next move should be as everything is sort of based around where I will live and when I will get pregnant. Maybe it is good that I am forced to lie still for awhile. I will have more time to do my photoalbums, work in my yard, read and learn some new recipes. Plus I must get on my blogging about Italy before I forget everything!!!



This picture was taken from our balcony in Positano, Italy. Positano is located on the Amalfi coast and it was so beautiful. This will be my new image to focus on when my emotions get the best of me.