The most challenging thing so far has been the complete lack of time for myself. I honestly don't think I have more than 30 minutes to myself in a 24 hour period. I know that mothers have been saying this for years, but you don't understand it until you experience it. Somehow I am the last one standing, the last one left behind. Jesus I don't even wash my make-up off sometimes before I go to bed. Fitness...what in the hell is that? Groomed nails...I don't think so. God forbid I have time to read a book, listen to music or a peaceful spot I can zone out in without thinking that I have 4 loads of wash to do and there is nothing to eat in the house.
I'm pissed that I have not prepared myself enough for this. Maybe I should have frozen some soups or casseroles. Maybe I should have read more books on sleep schedules so that Carter would go to bed before 10:30pm. Maybe I shouldn't have gained so much damn weight before I actually conceived. Maybe I should learn to relax and work with what I have.
I'm excited about my new Gemini baby carrier and the fact that I am determined to take Carter on a walk tonight. Kent is being forced, by me, to learn 5 healthy meals that he can cook. I can not be the only one in our house who knows how to cook. It will bring resentment and a battle regarding "fairness" down the road. I am doing my best to make the most out of work and the fact that I do have to work. I'm definitely more touchy when it comes to work and my performance.
When I am feeling sad this is what helps me....
4 comments:
I'm so sorry you are having a tough time of it. I know I'll be going through all the same things.
He sure is worth it though. :)
Hang in there, sweet friend. You never really get that time back but I have a feeling it's going to be worth it when these cute boys of ours are the kind of men we hope them to be.
I know EXACTLY what you are feeling. I experienced the same thing when I had to return to work after having Holly. Eventually, the separation dulls a bit but never fully goes away. And time for yourself? I still haven't managed that one yet and we are almost 14 months later. I hate myself on the diet and exercise front too. Wish I had some remedy for you, but all I have is sympathy.
He is beautiful!
It will get better. He will eat less often and he will sleep more. It is so hard when you first go back to work. I now regularly have three whole hours from when baby goes to bed until I do at 10:30 or 11.
Remember "this too shall pass" and enjoy how he is now because he won't be this way for long!
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