I'm not happy that the fore mentioned dispute between my neighbor has happened, and is still happening. It did teach me a lot about how Kent and I manage situations. We both come at things from completely different angles. I am very alpha/research/ problem solve/confront and resolve. Kent is the nice guy, he does good in the world and expects it back. He is reasonable and agreeable and respects and hopes this of other. This was very frustrating to me at times, particularly when it seemed that this tactic was not working, but I now recognize that this is one of the many qualities I like about Kent.
This dispute also helped me figure out some priorities in my life. I was going, going and going and never really stopped to smell the roses. I was so pre-occupied and worried that weeks passed and I realized that I had been oblivious to those around me. I sort of was just moving with the motion of life, but not really experiencing or feeling it. For awhile I was so stressed that I was not eating as much, which is definitely not my normal tactic. Unfortunately my usage of food to calm/numb myself eventually won and I found myself choosing food often. I'm glad to say I have recognized these tendencies and I have made considerable waves in resolving things and finding peace. Kent and I have been on a pretty healthy pattern this past week and it feels great. I'm much more aware of what I am eating, why I am eating, how I feel etc. I'm making myself feel hunger more often than I am use to. This is just a process that I need to go through as I have felt so out of whack. I'm looking forward to the positive results.
With the above healthy eating plans I'm also putting it out there to everyone, including myself, that I need a little Lisa time. I was trying to explain to my baby group that I feel like when Kent and I started to try to get pregnant in April 2009, everything changed. The focus was no longer on my personal self, but on the future and how to get pregnant. It wasn't until February 2010 that we found out we were pregnant and now I am enjoying my happy and healthy 7 month old Carter. The problem is that before I was pregnant I spent all of my time reading books, blogs, going to doctor appointments etc to get pregnant. Then I get pregnant and spend all of my time worrying and preparing for child birth and child rearing. Then baby Carter comes and the cycle starts again; sleep books, first aid books, baby food books etc. I love my little Carter more than I can write, but I know that unless a little energy goes into my needs, I will one day find myself in a potentially resentful place. Being a mom is about balance. There are days that things are so perfect and other days everything seems off key. How I manage these days is up to me and I truly think that allowing myself some private time is how I will best conquer this.
So...I'm super excited that the summer is here as I am fortunate to have 6 weeks off, the first two starting in the middle of June. These weeks are paid vacation, which I feel have completely been earned. In the first week alone I am going to: have my hair done, mani-pedi, family photo session, Taj Mahal concert at the zoo, massage, peonies flower arranging class, and a cupcake decorating class. It might seem like overkill, but it's not. The one ridiculous item to add to the loop is my 5:30am bootcamp that I am going on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I need to add fitness back into my life and sometimes I just need a slap across the butt to get me going. This is what bootcamp will do. I am already mentally trying to prepare for it. I have truly not worked out since February 2010 when I found out I was pregnant. I was scared, had hypertension and a battery of problems from the pregnancy. I am prepared to start over from scratch, with the hope that my body will remember what it is like to be pushed physically. Kent and I also want to have another baby, so it is so important that I find a way to lose some more weight and have a healthier pregnancy.
I feel like life is slowly perking up. I'm actually feeling pretty optimistic which is a great way to live. I don't know if I am mentally processing things better, but there has definitely been a change, and one that is for the better. Plus, how can I not feel happy or optimistic when this little guy is looking back at me?
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