Busy mind

I woke up today super tired. I called work and told them I was coming in later. I went back to bed but the cat kept touching my face. He rarely bothers me while I am sleeping because Stoney, the cat, and Kent have a freaky bond and they snuggle like a couple all night long. Stoney is 15 and Kent rescued him from a crazy tenant he once had who couldn't pay rent and tried to sell Stoney to some stoner dude who lived in a van. Kent wouldn't have it, took the cat and named him Stoney. I do love that cat, but it has taken time. I had to give the love of my life away, Frank Tex Kelley, when I decided to move in with Kent. I remember when Kent asked me late one night while we were falling asleep if I wanted to move in with him. My heart raced, I was like, holy crap this is the real deal. We had been dating 6 months, but from the moment we started dating we were inseparable. I was excited by the idea of living together, but I knew that Frank and Stoney would not get along. So Frank Kelley had to move to my parents house, and even though is has been over 3 years, I still miss him terribly.


The first week I had him! So Cute!

Frank will always be my first baby. I dressed him up as much as I could.

What I loved the most about Frank was how he would greet me at the door and sit in my lap. He was like having a kid. I would take him to the vet, he needed regular hair cuts, he had his own photo album, bed, and drawer full of clothes and toys. During holiday times he had a Halloween costume and I would take him to see Santa Paws. When we would walk around the neighborhood people would stop and chat with me and they always remembered Frank's name, not necessarily mine.

It probably seems odd to compare Frank to my future kids, but they really are quite similar. Frank and I needed one another. He kept me company before Kent came into my life and I showered him with love. We are still buddies and I get to see him monthly. My parents give me updates on him and when he gets a haircut, they send me a text message and a photo. Frank was the best and totally has me ready and wanting to be a real mom.

Last night I was telling Kent about how we need to keep soda and candy out of the house when the kids come. Kent and I both struggle with our weight and our hope is that our kids will not have the same issues. Tomorrow I am going to the RE to have an ultrasound. It will be day 12 and we will see if Clomid helped on any of these eggs. I haven't had the cramping I did last month, so I am concerned that it may not have worked. I am excited to be going away this week-end, but I really, really wanted to have IUI and it seems like such a long shot. This month may not work out right. I will do my best to not get discouraged, but it feels like the days move SO slowly sometimes. I'm a bit of a prisoner with my lady business cycle and I hate it.

My mind has been very busy these past few days. Bogged down by kind of BS with acquaintances in my life who show up and then disappear. I wonder if I've done something, but life is just this way at times. I'm a peacekeeper who has given up her duties and is now feeling like a fighter/survivor in this fertility war. I'm embarrassed to already be feeling this way as we have only been trying for 8 months. I worry about what lies ahead for us though and this is what brings out the adrenaline in me.