Three weeks and counting....

I can't believe that Carter is 3 1/2 weeks old. His little belly button just fell off last night (thank God...I was so ready to see that little thing gone!), he is so observant and I'm amazed at the strength he has. This time I have had with his has just flown by, but I appreciate it so much. There are times that I find myself holding him, particularly after he has just eaten and he is sleeping in my arms, that I still am in disbelief that this little person is mine. I find myself amazed and at times almost shocked that Carter belongs to Kent and I. Carter is the baby I have always wanted, and it is just really starting to settle in that he is not going anywhere, he is staying with us. This is probably odd to some people, but I really in my heart always feared that I would not be a mom, the thing I wanted the most. One thing that has really helped me get past this fear and shock is to tell him probably 100x a day how much I love him and how excited we are to have him. We have photos of him in our home, I love folding his clothes and I don't even mind the 1am or 4am feedings, but this is my job. Right now I am a stay at home mom, and I am embracing it as much as I can.

This month I am taking a baby massage class that many of my work friends recommended. I laughed at this months ago, but now that Carter is "real" I find myself open to just about anything that might make him happy. I love taking him in the stroller for walks, plus I need to really start losing some weight. One thing that has really bummed me out is that due to the high dose of diuretics that I was on my breast milk is gone, completely gone. I was worried about breastfeeding, like so many women with PCOS, and the combination of the pills and PCOS just sucked it out of me. I cried for a few days about this as I really wanted to experience this with Carter. I did fenugreek, rented a medical grade pump, ate and pumped at the same time and did my best to relax; but it unfortunately did not work. When I tell people that I am not breastfeeding I get really pissed at some of their reactions, like I "chose" to no longer breastfeed. No, I did not choose this. My blood pressure was dangerously high and I had to take care of myself, so that I could take care of Carter. I met with lactation specialists and did everything they could think of so when people make comments to me that almost reference my "giving up" it really pisses me off. Of course with all these hormones in me, that is pretty easy to do (-:

Kent and I also were matched up with a PEPS group that will start in the middle of the month. It is basically 6-8 couples who have infants around the same age as Carter that live within a few miles of us. We meet at one another's homes once a week and basically just hang out with others in very similar situations..brand new babies and no clue what to do with them. I hope we are matched with a group that we can make friends with. I am also looking into a mother's group that meets once a week on Monday's for 8 weeks. I'm not sure about it yet, so will post once I know more. Right now I'm just taking this new role of motherhood very seriously, it is my only job until January 3rd, when I return to work. I've been sensitive about work recently, but I am so excited to say we have found a nanny. I had secured a very good daycare spot after relentless searching but through a friend, I have found a woman who has raised her grandchildren and is only interested in being a nanny to an infant. Her name is Susan and I have known her for several years. She is a very "young" older person who is hip, super savy with kids, and is so excited to be Carter's nanny. Kent and I are excited as well. I love that Susan wants to take him to the library, Gymboree, the zoo, daily walks in Discovery Park and she will even bring him to my work so that I can see him. I love her principles on childcare and I know how much her own grand kids adore her.

This transition into parenthood has been a very smooth one, knock on wood! Kent and I each have different roles, but they fit like puzzle pieces. Due to the fact we are not breastfeeding Kent can actually help out with feedings and he actually changes probably the same amount of diapers that I do. When he gets home from work he is so excited to see Carter. He right away wants to help. I feel so fortunate that my husband is this way. He respects my need to have a few minutes in the evening, as I do his. It really is, so far so good.