One Day at a Time

So much has happened in the past few days. The type of drama at work that you just can't write about. I feel like the past few days are one of those entries that you write on paper and then rip up. I generally am excellent at being able to analyze and evaluate situations and my feelings. I'm just a little numb right now and my new motto is "One day at a time." I'm going to focus on the here and now, the today's here and now and do the best I can. I'm going to find the gratitude for my life that seems to have slipped away. I'm going to look at my husband and know that he too is doing the best he can.
Somewhere there is a glass slipper that I thought was to be placed on my foot when I was married. This glass slipper is my little version of la la land that I thought happened once you are married. While I did not receive a glass slipper, I did get very close; my husband bought me a pair of Christian Louboutin silver shoes for our wedding day, something that I had begged him for. We were at our rehearsal dinner and he presented me this beautifully wrapped box and I did not have a clue what it was. I remember being upset and frustrated because I didn't have anything for him to open as we had agreed to give our gifts to one another the following day. I took the ribbon off the box and lifted the lid and started screaming, I was almost embarrassed about my reaction. Here they were before me; the shoes I had been dreaming about walking down the aisle in. These shoes may look like a silver shoe, but what makes these so special is that every Christian Louboutin shoe has a red sole; a red sole. This is the color of love, this is the shoe I wanted so desperately. Sadly though they were too small. Kent did the best he could and did not know that these designer European shoes run really tight. When we came home that evening from our rehearsal dinner I was devastated. I actually spent hours (into the late night) trying to stretch these shoes out so that I could wear them down the aisle and show off their red soles. These ridiculously expensive shoes are a bit how I am feeling right now; left out, not fitting in any fashion of the word.
One day at a time though, I will take everything one day at a time.

I am so frustrated with how the past two months have gone. There are days that I get home and feel like turning out the lights and just drifting away. I am not a victim though, I am a fighter. I don't give up easily, I just feel as if the rules to the game have changed and I didn't get the update. So one day at a time, I will think of life one day at a time. When it gets too much to handle I will think back to my honeymoon, when Kent and I went and exchanged my beautiful shoes for a pair that actually fits. I chose a black pair because they were more practical. Marriage may not be a fairy tale; it is hard work and effort and about practicality. On those days that I struggle maybe I need to go and put on my new Christian Louboutin's and click my heels together three times. Nothing may change, but at least I'll feel like I can step outside of my situation and do the best to evaluate and then take it One Day at a Time.