Because that's the way I like it....

Anxiety. I remember when I decided I was going to be a psych major and we would read about individuals with all sorts of intriguing, boring or amazing disorders. Everybody gets anxious from time to time but some people are truly encumbered by their anxiety to the point it really effects their daily life and activities. The first time in my life that I really understood what anxiety was like was after I got engaged. It was such a fabulous time for me and a complete shock and surprise. The following weeks I was finding myself becoming short winded and my chest was tight. It usually would happen towards the end of the day so I went to the doctor, had a chest xray, and was put on an inhaler...must be asthma. Several weeks later one of the Physicians Assistants I work with saw me taking a hit of this inhaler. She looked at me sideways and asked what I was doing. I explained I get this tight feeling at the end of the day and I have asthma. She quizzed me a little more and we realized that by the end of the business day I had spent so much time thinking about my wedding, looking at websites etc that I would get this huge wave of anxiety that would literally take my breath away!

Well now lately my anxiety has been very high. Kent and I are looking into doing a refi on our home and it has just stirred up a bunch of emotions. I don't like things I can't control. I like to say that I am no longer Type A..I have become a B+. I know though with things like my financial future I am Type A all the way. I don't like the uncertainty if things are going to get approved. I love that my husband is self-employed and calls his own shots; except things get very tricky when it comes to the financial world. We had to send 209 documents of his financial life and literally 6 of mine. It is ridiculous.

I started thinking about how nice it would be to have a lower interest rate and feel better about our financial security. Then they decided they want more paperwork which is just more drama for us. Then you feel discouraged and realize that someone else has your financial future in their hands. Just so annoying. I started to get serious anxiety last night to the point that I couldn't focus. I had to just sit and try to read and not think about everything that was going on. I was sort of mean to Kent and frustrated that he was frustrated. Sorry honey. I know it is just my anxiety and I don't want to spend a ton of time on something that may not work. What I do know is that Kent will work his butt off to produce whatever paperwork we need or come up with a gameplan. He is excellent about thinking outside of the box. I appreciate this quality about him even if I can't recognize it in the moment.