Disappointment

Seems to be everywhere; people disappointed with the economy, with Obama, with the raising costs of goods and the decline in wages. I have found myself recently telling my husband I wasn't upset with him; I was disappointed. Then yesterday I had the disappointed tag line thrown at me by my trainer because I did not sign up for bootcamp.

I'm starting to mature and realize that on a daily basis I will probably disappoint someone. Most of the time it is unintentional or probably unknown to me. I am such a people pleaser. My entire life I have been the one to put out fires and find a way for everyone to meld together and make it to the end in one piece. I did not like that little ping I had when my trainer said she was disappointed in my choice of not taking care of myself. I'm not choosing to let my health decline, I'm choosing to be in charge of my own health, at my pace and my time. 5:30am just does not work for me. Getting up at 4:45am to get to a 5:30am class is torture on both myself and Kent. I also have been so trapped and rely on other people to "make me exercise." It is time that I am the one in charge of the decisions. People will still love me if I disappoint them, so I will not be uneasy about my behaviors.

I keep thinking about my trip to Italy, which we leave for in 3 weeks. I have felt guilty about going lately. People are getting laid off and Kent and I are not flush with money. I know though that this is just the time to go. We want to start trying to get pregnant soon and when will we have the luxury of taking 17 days together when kids are involved? I'm sure Suzi Orman would be disappointed in our choice of going as well. Frankly I think Suzi can go and buy another jacket and Kent and I will celebrate the fact that we are healthy, alive and botching the Italian language as we travel the country.