Something is brewing...

This week-end I had a wonderful time with friends celebrating a recent engagement and a birthday. It was fun to catch up with lost friends and to make new ones. Sadly, my mind was filled with the constant annoyance of how tight my clothes were and how uncomfortable I was. I was embarrassed at how I looked and it bogged me down both nights. I can no longer deny the elephant in the room, that big ass white elephant which is my weight gain and dropping self esteem. I am ready to gather my troops though and put myself out there to be as honest as I can about my life, my weight and my future. Yes, Kent and I are still going to try monthly to get pregnant, but I can no longer put my health on hold. I am going to spend the next three weeks preparing myself for September 15th.

Here is what I am gearing up for.


The biggest loser is something I have blogged about before and it tends to be very inspirational to me in the beginning and then as the season continues, it almost taunts me. The new season begins Sept. 15th and I am ready to make my own challenge and commitment to myself. So far Kent and another friend are on board. I don't think there are very many people out there who read my blog, but I am telling everyone who is struggling with their weight and self esteem about my idea(s). I am a serious fan in leaning on others, particularly in the challenge of weight loss. I enjoyed WW, but it is not the program for me. I miss my supportive group of women that I use to work out with. They motivated me and helped me get my butt up in the early morning hours and get my fitness in for the day. It is time for me to make a plan of attack as it is frustrating to be so sad and tearful daily. I am going to do my best to prove that I can regain the control I once had over my fitness, my emotional eating and my personal well being. I want to rediscover that old person who has just somehow given up on herself. I have slowly been putting on weight over the past few years and I really need to stop it now. I am terrified about getting pregnant due to the weight gain that will incur. This is not the state of mind I want to enter into a pregnancy with.

I have briefly today thought about how/what I can do differently that has not worked for me in the past. I think having a weekly goal/focus will possibly help me towards my weight loss goals. Right now I have 10 different topics I would like to focus on and one will be given for each week. I am tired of giving up on myself and I am really tired of expending all of my energy onto others. I feel like a plane that is taking a nose dive and I am determined to get it headed back in the right direction again. It is time that I take control and put my oxygen mask on before I put on those around me.

I look forward to the planning of this event and for anyone who wants to join, I welcome you. I have added a weightloss ticker to help me track my progress, but I'm not going to use it until Sept. 15th. More to follow.