No, I'm not feeling this way about myself, but Tina Turner's song just popped up on my I-tunes and I feel it must have been an act from above as a way to pump me up as I'm not feeling this way today. I think I have to figure something out for myself this week. Last night I posted that I was worried about my poor choices over the week-end and if I would have a set back this morning when I stepped on the scale. Well..yep, a big setback. Enough steps back to erase my 4 pounds from the previous week. Am I still the best? Am I better than the rest? Tina's singing to me through the computer speakers and I'm still struggling to think that maybe she's not really singing to me, but proclaiming this to anyone who will listen. My goal when I started this "Biggest Loser" challenge was to lose weight. I figured Kent and I would be 6-18 months out from being able to get pregnant so I should push myself as much as I can. Weight loss should be my priority as I have no control over getting pregnant. Then Friday I find out the clomid/metformin combo produced a follicle and the chance that I might have ovulated threw me off. I'm not a negative Nelly, I just didn't expect to have an ultrasound that showed a good egg. There is no baby planning in my brain right now, I was just pleased that the ovaries were functioning a bit and it gave me hope. It also gave me anxiety though and threw me for a loop.
Now I am sitting here thinking about what my goals are. I know how incredibly tough I am on myself. I remember when I would join Weight Watchers and have a couple of good weeks and then I would step on the scale, after working so hard, and there would be nothing to reward me. The WW lady would say something like, "better luck next week," and it would set me off emotionally. Holy crap..do you know what the next song was that just popped up on my I-tunes? That would be The Beatles, Let it Be. Seriously, maybe my new religion will be my I-tunes library and the magic of shuffled music. When I need a question answered, I will leave it to the power of song. Next song that just popped up, no shit, Dolly Parton's Jesus and Gravity. Maybe this is a sick prank someone is playing on me.
Enough with my new religion, my brain is feeling the need to prepare myself emotionally for a roller coaster called fertility and weight loss. This is a total oxymoron, but that's my life. I think I'm going to process for the next few days what is going to be best for me. I feel embarrassed that I didn't lose any weight. I feel pissed that I didn't push myself when my lady business was totally cramping from taking clomid. It's just cramps, it's not going to kill me to workout. I chose to sit on the sofa instead of going to the gym. I disappointed my trainer and myself by not following through with my homework and goals.
I think I need to figure my goals out for the next week.
Dreading tomorrow AM...
This past week-end I did not fair so well on the "healthy lifestyle front." On Friday I felt the need to celebrate my follicle with Via Tribunali pizza, a glass of wine and a few bites of hazelnut gelato. I wanted to relive Italy when we were enjoying each other's company and not thinking about getting pregnant. It wasn't until we returned from Italy that we started getting more news about my lady business and how it apparently likes to take really long breaks, vacations and sick days. Saturday was tough with a wedding and a high school reunion and GIANT sized Coronas beckoning my call. Sunday was spent with relatives which means you just sit around and eat. Now I did try to make good choices and to not over stuff myself. I just didn't get my fitness in as I need to. I felt really crampy all last week from Clomid and bad belly sick from the Metformin.
Tonight I met my trainer in a very blustery weather evening and it was hard. Like I felt so bloated that I didn't think I could run. Then I pulled my ass muscle and had serious cramps/drama with that. Thank God Chrissy and I are buddies as this could have been embarrassing. I was in trouble for not doing my homework, which was to run 2x last week and to work on my self-esteem. I'm slowly working on this, but it is a work in process.
Tomorrow I have to get on that big scale in the morning and see the damage. I can't blame "Week 2" of my more than likely no success and possibly a set back. Food is my outlet and I chose this too many times. My trainer had a good point tonight. She told me to be positive, to realize this is my time to get healthy for pregnancy and me; to not focus on weight loss but to focus on health. Sure, that's great, but I want to get back to the size I was when I met Kent. I only need to lose one dress size, but it seems to be taunting the crap out of me.
Here's to what lies ahead tomorrow and a new day!
Tonight I met my trainer in a very blustery weather evening and it was hard. Like I felt so bloated that I didn't think I could run. Then I pulled my ass muscle and had serious cramps/drama with that. Thank God Chrissy and I are buddies as this could have been embarrassing. I was in trouble for not doing my homework, which was to run 2x last week and to work on my self-esteem. I'm slowly working on this, but it is a work in process.
Tomorrow I have to get on that big scale in the morning and see the damage. I can't blame "Week 2" of my more than likely no success and possibly a set back. Food is my outlet and I chose this too many times. My trainer had a good point tonight. She told me to be positive, to realize this is my time to get healthy for pregnancy and me; to not focus on weight loss but to focus on health. Sure, that's great, but I want to get back to the size I was when I met Kent. I only need to lose one dress size, but it seems to be taunting the crap out of me.
Here's to what lies ahead tomorrow and a new day!
100 and counting
This is my 100th post and I'm shocked I made it here. I still can't quite figure out why I choose to write on this blog. It honestly does help me process my always very active brain and for a few people out there they may find something out of my life and it's successes and mess ups. Being that this is the 100th post I feel a little nostalgic, curious at what my past 99 posts have represented. I can sum it up pretty easily in two words; my life. This is what I write about, it is my sometimes boring, sometimes sad, sometimes glorious life that is all mine.
On this 100th post I could recount yesterday's adventures that included going to a wedding of a workout friend of mine who decided to re-marry her ex husband. Best part of the wedding, her son, who is an Elvis impersonator, who sang no less than 4 songs during the wedding and the toast. I could also recount my first hand look at my husband's high school years as we found ourselves in the very tired looking bar the Time Out in Kirkland celebrating Bothell High School class of 89's 20 year high school reunion. Kent was no Josie Grossie, but he was no superstar either. He was Kent, the really nice guy. Guess what, I love that he was the really nice guy that everyone wanted to be friends with. There were only a handful of spouses and I met this funny spouse named Todd who sat with me while we drank the largest Corona beer we've ever seen. I saw this short haired woman walk past me practically carrying it with two hands. Being the shy person I am I instantly grabbed her and had to inspect the bottle. A 24oz Corona beer, holy crap, are you kidding me. I was so perplexed, I just interrogated the hell out of her. I was like, where did you get this. She said to just order a large Corona. I've never even heard of ordering a Corona this way. A Corona is a Corona, it's a bottle of beer. Well apparently the Time Out has one thing on it's good side, a crazy sized beer that is like a secret handshake to get. So Todd and I decided this beer should only be served to spouses for having to endure a smelly joint and really drunk women who were obviously reliving their glory days that night. I took a photo of the bottle, but really, I should have taken it with my hands around it. By the way, even though I didn't go to BHS, I had the most school spirit and won a T-shirt and baseball cap. The two women who sort of organized the event were trying trying to get people on the makeshift dance floor by louring them with swag. You drink enough of the large Corona's and you'll find yourself cheering for BHS to get your husband a hat he doesn't want and a T-shirt that doesn't fit.
The other thing I could post about for my 100th post is this big follicle I have and wondering if the shot worked and the egg dropped. We didn't do IUI as I honestly had no idea what it was, my husbands junk works and I had no clue how much it cost. When the ARNP was talking to me she talking a mile a minute and I was so confused. She used all of this fertility jargon that I have really no clue about. When she asked about IUI I told her I wasn't a lesbian, so why can't my husband and I just do it. She laughed and gave me instructions on doing it. So we did our business as instructed and we will wait to see if anything happened.
Happy life to me.
On this 100th post I could recount yesterday's adventures that included going to a wedding of a workout friend of mine who decided to re-marry her ex husband. Best part of the wedding, her son, who is an Elvis impersonator, who sang no less than 4 songs during the wedding and the toast. I could also recount my first hand look at my husband's high school years as we found ourselves in the very tired looking bar the Time Out in Kirkland celebrating Bothell High School class of 89's 20 year high school reunion. Kent was no Josie Grossie, but he was no superstar either. He was Kent, the really nice guy. Guess what, I love that he was the really nice guy that everyone wanted to be friends with. There were only a handful of spouses and I met this funny spouse named Todd who sat with me while we drank the largest Corona beer we've ever seen. I saw this short haired woman walk past me practically carrying it with two hands. Being the shy person I am I instantly grabbed her and had to inspect the bottle. A 24oz Corona beer, holy crap, are you kidding me. I was so perplexed, I just interrogated the hell out of her. I was like, where did you get this. She said to just order a large Corona. I've never even heard of ordering a Corona this way. A Corona is a Corona, it's a bottle of beer. Well apparently the Time Out has one thing on it's good side, a crazy sized beer that is like a secret handshake to get. So Todd and I decided this beer should only be served to spouses for having to endure a smelly joint and really drunk women who were obviously reliving their glory days that night. I took a photo of the bottle, but really, I should have taken it with my hands around it. By the way, even though I didn't go to BHS, I had the most school spirit and won a T-shirt and baseball cap. The two women who sort of organized the event were trying trying to get people on the makeshift dance floor by louring them with swag. You drink enough of the large Corona's and you'll find yourself cheering for BHS to get your husband a hat he doesn't want and a T-shirt that doesn't fit.
The other thing I could post about for my 100th post is this big follicle I have and wondering if the shot worked and the egg dropped. We didn't do IUI as I honestly had no idea what it was, my husbands junk works and I had no clue how much it cost. When the ARNP was talking to me she talking a mile a minute and I was so confused. She used all of this fertility jargon that I have really no clue about. When she asked about IUI I told her I wasn't a lesbian, so why can't my husband and I just do it. She laughed and gave me instructions on doing it. So we did our business as instructed and we will wait to see if anything happened.
Happy life to me.
Woah!
Here is my TGIF for the week. I just finished having an ultrasound, one which I figured was a waste of my time and money, as I was told on Tuesday that my eggs were very small. Well, something kicked in as I had a mature egg in the left ovary. 5 minutes later I was getting a shot in my toosh and being told I could either have insemination tomorrow morning or I could just get busy with Kent for the next couple of days.
My TGIF this week is to Clomid. Thank you for helping me potentially hatch an egg.
My TGIF this week is to Clomid. Thank you for helping me potentially hatch an egg.
One thing on my body that is not getting larger...
That would be my eggs. Just returned from the RE for an ultrasound after starting clomid and apparently the eggs are still stuck and not growing. All my life I have tried not to "get larger" or "grow" but here's one area I sure wish to hell would grow sooner than later. I guess I check September off the list for potential pregnancy and think October. Maybe I jinxed myself. I was worried the other day if I were to get pregnant this month that our "kid" would not be able to celebrate their birthday at school and bring organic, non-nut bearing treats. The summer birthdays were always screwed when I was growing up and I vowed to do my best not to have a child who couldn't have their special day at school. Maybe if I undo this vow something will happen next month? I know in my heart there are reasons for how things are happening for Kent and I. I feel bummed. I'm heading to Greenlake early tonight and go for a run before my trainer gets there.
Week 2 of Biggest Loser
This is the start of week two for our Biggest Loser adventure and I have had several light bulb moments.
1)This is not a temporary thing that I should be thinking about. This weight loss goal should not even be considered a goal, as there is no finish line. This is a lifestyle change.
2)I hate having the write the above crap. It sounds motivational and preachy. Here's the thing, it is all true. It is why I have struggled for years. You can not be successful if you do not make lifelong changes. I can not go back to having several glasses of wine, bread and cheese as a meal. It is not going to happen.
3)Moderation. This is a word that is just not in my vocabulary. I'm sort of a "go big or go home" kind of gal. When I want something, I want it. I am that way with shoes, purses, home items etc. Food is a tricky one for me as I have such a rough relationship with it. I put things on my NO list for as long as possible. Then I cave in and suddenly it is gorge city for a day or even longer. Then I feel guilty and start the same terrible cycle I have for years.
This was a really good week for me and Kent. We both had a 4 pound weight loss. Do we both know most of that is water? You bet! Did we both get in exercise though and make better choices? Yep, so I see this as a win in the Davis household.
For week two my goal is to focus on my fitness. This is the top priority. If this means that we eat at the Whole Food salad bar all week so that there is less time in the kitchen and more time in the gym, then fine. We need to get this habit to stick, the habit of daily fitness. Kent and I are excellent at coming up with excuses for why we don't have time to exercise, but honestly, we do. We watch enough TV, computer surf etc to make it to our gym or run outside daily. We feel better when we are done and I want our family to be that family that walks, rides bikes, hikes etc. Kent and I were both not raised in an environment of exercise, we are going to start that ritual right away.
Knowing what I know about my body...insulin resistance, PCOS etc, I need to do better. I can mope all I want about how it is unfair that my body works against me to lose weight, how it processes foods differently. Really though, those are just obstacles that I can learn to overcome. I have a giant brain that has soaked in quite a bit about food and nutrition. There are days though that I know I am angry that this is my body, that this is what I have to work with. Having the possible fertility issues has only made things more difficult for me to accept. I am going to accept them though because I really have no other choice. No point in denying these facts and then have a donut.
When you know better, you do better. Here's to week two and exercise galore!
1)This is not a temporary thing that I should be thinking about. This weight loss goal should not even be considered a goal, as there is no finish line. This is a lifestyle change.
2)I hate having the write the above crap. It sounds motivational and preachy. Here's the thing, it is all true. It is why I have struggled for years. You can not be successful if you do not make lifelong changes. I can not go back to having several glasses of wine, bread and cheese as a meal. It is not going to happen.
3)Moderation. This is a word that is just not in my vocabulary. I'm sort of a "go big or go home" kind of gal. When I want something, I want it. I am that way with shoes, purses, home items etc. Food is a tricky one for me as I have such a rough relationship with it. I put things on my NO list for as long as possible. Then I cave in and suddenly it is gorge city for a day or even longer. Then I feel guilty and start the same terrible cycle I have for years.
This was a really good week for me and Kent. We both had a 4 pound weight loss. Do we both know most of that is water? You bet! Did we both get in exercise though and make better choices? Yep, so I see this as a win in the Davis household.
For week two my goal is to focus on my fitness. This is the top priority. If this means that we eat at the Whole Food salad bar all week so that there is less time in the kitchen and more time in the gym, then fine. We need to get this habit to stick, the habit of daily fitness. Kent and I are excellent at coming up with excuses for why we don't have time to exercise, but honestly, we do. We watch enough TV, computer surf etc to make it to our gym or run outside daily. We feel better when we are done and I want our family to be that family that walks, rides bikes, hikes etc. Kent and I were both not raised in an environment of exercise, we are going to start that ritual right away.
Knowing what I know about my body...insulin resistance, PCOS etc, I need to do better. I can mope all I want about how it is unfair that my body works against me to lose weight, how it processes foods differently. Really though, those are just obstacles that I can learn to overcome. I have a giant brain that has soaked in quite a bit about food and nutrition. There are days though that I know I am angry that this is my body, that this is what I have to work with. Having the possible fertility issues has only made things more difficult for me to accept. I am going to accept them though because I really have no other choice. No point in denying these facts and then have a donut.
When you know better, you do better. Here's to week two and exercise galore!
Blowing it
This was a packed week-end for Kent and I. Friday night we went to see the comedian Patton Oswalt. These tickets were an anniversary present for Kent, which he was excited about and we totally enjoyed. We attempted happy hour at Brasa before the event, but unfortunately the Metformin I take left me feeling super ill so I didn't get to enjoy myself. Also being on a new health goal sort of dampens my spirits at the bars/restaurants.
Saturday I made us blueberry pancakes (with some of our 11lbs of blueberries!) and I was cautious with my syrup...just a little dip every other bite. I spent the day cleaning and grocery shopping and getting ready to go and see Wicked. This was a show I have been waiting months to see and it was awesome. We were "bad" and treated ourselves after the show to coffee and ice cream. We did share the sundae and didn't finish it.
Sunday I went and had a massage and Kent spent time at his mom's house. We then drove to my parents house as we needed to pick up some items they have been storing for us. While we were driving out there I started feeling really sick again. The nausea from this medicine is the worst part. Also the explosive diarrhea (ED) is not that much fun either. I use ED in any excuse I can to get out of an event etc, because honestly, if someone told you they had ED you wouldn't keep bugging them to go to one more bar for another drink would you? Back to where I was...so I felt really sick again and the only thing that helps with the nausea is food, calming food like peanut butter sandwiches. Having PCOS I really shouldn't have bread etc. Well it seemed like I showed up at my parents house and immediately started grazing. So frustrating as it felt like almost a week's worth of thinking about my food choices etc were just blown away. I just blew my week's effort in two hours.
I am going to remain positive and realize there is no finish line to this race. This food/fitness thing of mine is never going to end. I am ancy to see results and to feel better about myself. I know this weight gain has been over the past 3 years and it will take time to lose. I am staying positive about our future and how to keep Kent and I happy and healthy. I just booked us a trip to Palm Springs over President's Day Week-end. Last year we didn't travel in the grey and depressing winter and it was awful. We will celebrate our joint birthday and valentines day that week-end. If we are lucky, we will be pregnant by then too!
Saturday I made us blueberry pancakes (with some of our 11lbs of blueberries!) and I was cautious with my syrup...just a little dip every other bite. I spent the day cleaning and grocery shopping and getting ready to go and see Wicked. This was a show I have been waiting months to see and it was awesome. We were "bad" and treated ourselves after the show to coffee and ice cream. We did share the sundae and didn't finish it.
Sunday I went and had a massage and Kent spent time at his mom's house. We then drove to my parents house as we needed to pick up some items they have been storing for us. While we were driving out there I started feeling really sick again. The nausea from this medicine is the worst part. Also the explosive diarrhea (ED) is not that much fun either. I use ED in any excuse I can to get out of an event etc, because honestly, if someone told you they had ED you wouldn't keep bugging them to go to one more bar for another drink would you? Back to where I was...so I felt really sick again and the only thing that helps with the nausea is food, calming food like peanut butter sandwiches. Having PCOS I really shouldn't have bread etc. Well it seemed like I showed up at my parents house and immediately started grazing. So frustrating as it felt like almost a week's worth of thinking about my food choices etc were just blown away. I just blew my week's effort in two hours.
I am going to remain positive and realize there is no finish line to this race. This food/fitness thing of mine is never going to end. I am ancy to see results and to feel better about myself. I know this weight gain has been over the past 3 years and it will take time to lose. I am staying positive about our future and how to keep Kent and I happy and healthy. I just booked us a trip to Palm Springs over President's Day Week-end. Last year we didn't travel in the grey and depressing winter and it was awful. We will celebrate our joint birthday and valentines day that week-end. If we are lucky, we will be pregnant by then too!
Club soda with lemon
Last night I went to my first official lady club general meeting. I was nervous, like sweaty palms nervous as I headed into the pre-happy hour meet and greet. I walked out onto the balcony of the bar, spotted a few ladies in my group and sat down. Liquor was all around me, but I ordered a club soda with lemon. It didn't ruin my night, it helped me stay on course with my day.
After the meeting I dashed home and Kent and I went for about a 30 minute walk. My feet were really bothering me and I was so hot and bloated. It could be the clomid, not sure. At least I went though as I didn't get home until almost 9pm.
Then the emotions run wild as Kent and I watch the biggest loser premiere episode. I don't plan on recapping the shows on my blog, there are so many other places to view this information. All I can say is I love Dan. They brought him back from last years season and he was awesome. Not only did he win the first challenge, but he then picked the biggest contestant to be his partner. Last year Dan was the largest contestant ever in the shows history, this year Dan's title has been erased by a woman. The other killer for me was Abby, the woman who two years ago lost her husband and two kids in a car wreck. I was sobbing, like sobbing because I just can't imagine this. I hope she and Dan just kick some butt.
It was awesome to be watching the show last night and to not be eating ice cream while it was playing and to know that I too can put myself on the top of my list. I may not be able to just stop everything and go away for 5 months, but I can at least do my best.
Today was my last day of Clomid, so now I will just work really hard at my health and have an ultrasound next Tuesday to see if it helped knock those eggs around.
After the meeting I dashed home and Kent and I went for about a 30 minute walk. My feet were really bothering me and I was so hot and bloated. It could be the clomid, not sure. At least I went though as I didn't get home until almost 9pm.
Then the emotions run wild as Kent and I watch the biggest loser premiere episode. I don't plan on recapping the shows on my blog, there are so many other places to view this information. All I can say is I love Dan. They brought him back from last years season and he was awesome. Not only did he win the first challenge, but he then picked the biggest contestant to be his partner. Last year Dan was the largest contestant ever in the shows history, this year Dan's title has been erased by a woman. The other killer for me was Abby, the woman who two years ago lost her husband and two kids in a car wreck. I was sobbing, like sobbing because I just can't imagine this. I hope she and Dan just kick some butt.
It was awesome to be watching the show last night and to not be eating ice cream while it was playing and to know that I too can put myself on the top of my list. I may not be able to just stop everything and go away for 5 months, but I can at least do my best.
Today was my last day of Clomid, so now I will just work really hard at my health and have an ultrasound next Tuesday to see if it helped knock those eggs around.
What have you done today....
...to make you feel proud? Alright people, it is here. My official start off of what I hope to be a healthy transition with my weight, my mentality and my emotional eating.
Tonight is the start of The Biggest Loser. Kent and I have slated this date as also our start to kick off a new way of life for us. I've been doing my best to live in the moment and make positive changes. The Biggest Loser has been a show I have enjoyed watching and hoping that someday I will too have those successes. Some may find the TV show pathetic or have some form of judgement on it. Yes, they are big on their product endorsements. Yes, they find ways to get people to open up etc and have a good cry and Jillian can turn around and be their emotional support buddy. But, there also can be a form of inspiration in this show that is available if one is open to it. I don't like the "cattiness" of the game. It would be tough for me to compete in this show as I am always so happy when people have lost weight etc (except for that bitch Vicky from a few seasons ago. She was awful!)
My hope with today is that I will place myself on the top of my priority list. I have weekly goals for Kent and I to build on. This, being week one, is for us to keep a food journal of everything we eat. Of course we will want to be careful of what we are eating, get exercise etc. The main focus of this week though is to really be in the mindset of the foods we choose. Was I really hungry, or was it something else? Where could I have made a better choice? There is something that happens when you have to write everything down. You are more accountable. I plan on doing this as religiously as possible. I would like to continue it week by week as food is the thing for me.
So along with weighing ourselves this morning (YIKES) we also took these fabulous photos of ourselves.
Now I don't expect to see this incredible change over the season, we are not trying to lose 100+ pounds. Even subtle changes can make a world of difference for Kent and I. Our health is pretty good, but we both have gained weight, our clothes are too tight, and we just don't feel that great about ourselves. Along with the health benefits of losing weight I hope to also gain back some of that self-esteem that has dwindled over the past few years. I honestly thought that if I could just find someone to love me, get married etc., these negative feelings about myself would go away. How wrong was I! On a positive note I have been able to discover this quickly in our relationship and understand this is not the case, at least not for me it isn't. I also am serious about trying to get pregnant so getting healthier is a win-win for both myself and any future babies.
So here's to day one, of week one. I'm also having to plan for this evening as I have a cocktail party to go to and it doesn't end until 8:30pm. I am going to work on getting some food beforehand and somehow get some type of fitness in today. This is going to be tricky.
Tonight is the start of The Biggest Loser. Kent and I have slated this date as also our start to kick off a new way of life for us. I've been doing my best to live in the moment and make positive changes. The Biggest Loser has been a show I have enjoyed watching and hoping that someday I will too have those successes. Some may find the TV show pathetic or have some form of judgement on it. Yes, they are big on their product endorsements. Yes, they find ways to get people to open up etc and have a good cry and Jillian can turn around and be their emotional support buddy. But, there also can be a form of inspiration in this show that is available if one is open to it. I don't like the "cattiness" of the game. It would be tough for me to compete in this show as I am always so happy when people have lost weight etc (except for that bitch Vicky from a few seasons ago. She was awful!)
My hope with today is that I will place myself on the top of my priority list. I have weekly goals for Kent and I to build on. This, being week one, is for us to keep a food journal of everything we eat. Of course we will want to be careful of what we are eating, get exercise etc. The main focus of this week though is to really be in the mindset of the foods we choose. Was I really hungry, or was it something else? Where could I have made a better choice? There is something that happens when you have to write everything down. You are more accountable. I plan on doing this as religiously as possible. I would like to continue it week by week as food is the thing for me.
So along with weighing ourselves this morning (YIKES) we also took these fabulous photos of ourselves.
Now I don't expect to see this incredible change over the season, we are not trying to lose 100+ pounds. Even subtle changes can make a world of difference for Kent and I. Our health is pretty good, but we both have gained weight, our clothes are too tight, and we just don't feel that great about ourselves. Along with the health benefits of losing weight I hope to also gain back some of that self-esteem that has dwindled over the past few years. I honestly thought that if I could just find someone to love me, get married etc., these negative feelings about myself would go away. How wrong was I! On a positive note I have been able to discover this quickly in our relationship and understand this is not the case, at least not for me it isn't. I also am serious about trying to get pregnant so getting healthier is a win-win for both myself and any future babies.
So here's to day one, of week one. I'm also having to plan for this evening as I have a cocktail party to go to and it doesn't end until 8:30pm. I am going to work on getting some food beforehand and somehow get some type of fitness in today. This is going to be tricky.
Let me get my dictionary...
Today I was informed I was being Snarky. Upon hearing these words I pondered for a bit and then decided to fully look it up in the dictionary. Here is what it read.
snark·y (snärk)
adj. snark·i·er, snark·i·est Slang
1. Rudely sarcastic or disrespectful; snide.
2. Irritable or short-tempered; irascible.
Several hours prior to being crowned snarky I was thinking that maybe Clomid was not too bad. Maybe my moods were the same and those possible side effects would not make their way into my already highly irritable status. Well it appears that possibly the definition of snarky should make some reference to hormonal imbalance caused by inability to get pregnant and therefore required to take drugs (clomid) to make the requested pregnancy possible. Maybe just a side note of reference. Or Clomid should have a reference to no longer say a side-effect could alter moods, it can apparently bring out the "snark" in all of us.
Snarky, another one to add to the ever-growing list of terms for myself. I shudder to think of the terms people use about me but just don't vocalize.
snark·y (snärk)
adj. snark·i·er, snark·i·est Slang
1. Rudely sarcastic or disrespectful; snide.
2. Irritable or short-tempered; irascible.
Several hours prior to being crowned snarky I was thinking that maybe Clomid was not too bad. Maybe my moods were the same and those possible side effects would not make their way into my already highly irritable status. Well it appears that possibly the definition of snarky should make some reference to hormonal imbalance caused by inability to get pregnant and therefore required to take drugs (clomid) to make the requested pregnancy possible. Maybe just a side note of reference. Or Clomid should have a reference to no longer say a side-effect could alter moods, it can apparently bring out the "snark" in all of us.
Snarky, another one to add to the ever-growing list of terms for myself. I shudder to think of the terms people use about me but just don't vocalize.
Must...move...legs...
So I have about a nano-second to blog. I just finished with an all day retreat thing with a group I recently joined. Not sure if it will fit me, but I am going to give it a shot. Here's my main issue today---OMG, what was I thinking yesterday letting my trainer push me that hard. I haven't done pushups in MONTHS, and I did 20 full pushups (no knees) and 20 on my knees. 3 sets of lunges, 4 sets of squats, massive amounts of situps and sprints in between. I am dying. My body hurts so bad I could almost not put on my bra by myself today. Can't quite reach around to do the hooks! I have to find the motivation though to help me remember these are the short term problems with starting a new fitness routine. I'm determined to stretch a ton tonight before bed, because I know that I will be even more sore tomorrow.
Tonight I am going to one of my friends house who I use to workout with. She and her husband just had a baby. My trainer will also be there and if she didn't run 20 miles today, I would probably kick her ass. I still might make her stretch me though.
PS...2 days until my biggest loser conquest begins. The day of, I already have a cocktail function to go to. I'm back to club soda with lime (-: So very Jillian of me.
Tonight I am going to one of my friends house who I use to workout with. She and her husband just had a baby. My trainer will also be there and if she didn't run 20 miles today, I would probably kick her ass. I still might make her stretch me though.
PS...2 days until my biggest loser conquest begins. The day of, I already have a cocktail function to go to. I'm back to club soda with lime (-: So very Jillian of me.
TGIF..a little late
I have two things that I feel are worthy of a TGIF, which I have not done lately. First of all, thank you baby Jesus for making my business come. It was to the point that I was starting to get really pissed off at my body again, and I've been angry with this body since I was 4 and I started my first diet. Today was my first day of Clomid, and I will have an ultrasound in about 10 days to see if things are progressing. Still trying to stay positive. I'm happy things are at least moving down there.
This morning I met my trainer Chris at Greenlake at 7:30am. We had people over at our house until 11:30pm last night, so there wasn't a ton of sleep to be had and I was not terribly excited about working out so early. Chris wanted to cheer on a group of women she trains who were participating in a race. I did not register or compete. Instead, I ran sprints, did push-ups, dips, pull-ups, squats etc, while she was cheering her people on and timing me at the same time. About 27 minutes into the race she saw one of her first "people" and I was stunned, we were both stunned. The woman we saw first was a 43 year old Mother, Wife etc who had joined Chris's bootcamp series about 15 months ago. I remember meeting her in May 08. That was an awful month of bootcamp because it literally poured almost everyday and you are outside, rain or shine. 5:30am in May is brutal, particularly in the rain. This woman has continued with Chris's bootcamps and I couldn't believe what I saw. She went from an 18 minute mile to running this race in about a 9 minute mile pace. She has lost over 50 pounds and was beaming. I haven't seen her for quite awhile, as I had some injuries, got married etc. I basically have not been disciplined with my fitness and have let myself go. I found this woman after the race and I just walked up to her and gave her the biggest hug. I told her how awesome she was running, how great she looked etc. She then looked at me and said I was her inspiration, that Chris had told her back in May 08 of my successes and she has held onto this all along. I sort of was taken back by this and then I felt embarrassed by how I have not been my own inspiration. I give, give, give and then there is no time left for me.
As I started to leave the event, I just lost it. I was surrounded by honestly, at least a 1,000 women, and I just started sobbing. Chris didn't know what to do. She is a tough cookie, but has a tender heart buried deep down. I was just sobbing as I had to let go of that guilt I have that I let myself go and that I have not been taking very good care of myself. Normally I eat when I feel this pain, but I decided to just have my tears, if that was what needed to happen. I'm not happy about sobbing at Greenlake, in front of tons of people, but sometimes things need to happen for a reason.
My TGIF for this week is happiness about my business and SUPER happy for the small impact I made on a complete stranger. Seeing her today has helped reconfirm this new way of thinking about myself and my needs is not a waste of time. I think, no, I know, that this person is MY new inspiration.
This morning I met my trainer Chris at Greenlake at 7:30am. We had people over at our house until 11:30pm last night, so there wasn't a ton of sleep to be had and I was not terribly excited about working out so early. Chris wanted to cheer on a group of women she trains who were participating in a race. I did not register or compete. Instead, I ran sprints, did push-ups, dips, pull-ups, squats etc, while she was cheering her people on and timing me at the same time. About 27 minutes into the race she saw one of her first "people" and I was stunned, we were both stunned. The woman we saw first was a 43 year old Mother, Wife etc who had joined Chris's bootcamp series about 15 months ago. I remember meeting her in May 08. That was an awful month of bootcamp because it literally poured almost everyday and you are outside, rain or shine. 5:30am in May is brutal, particularly in the rain. This woman has continued with Chris's bootcamps and I couldn't believe what I saw. She went from an 18 minute mile to running this race in about a 9 minute mile pace. She has lost over 50 pounds and was beaming. I haven't seen her for quite awhile, as I had some injuries, got married etc. I basically have not been disciplined with my fitness and have let myself go. I found this woman after the race and I just walked up to her and gave her the biggest hug. I told her how awesome she was running, how great she looked etc. She then looked at me and said I was her inspiration, that Chris had told her back in May 08 of my successes and she has held onto this all along. I sort of was taken back by this and then I felt embarrassed by how I have not been my own inspiration. I give, give, give and then there is no time left for me.
As I started to leave the event, I just lost it. I was surrounded by honestly, at least a 1,000 women, and I just started sobbing. Chris didn't know what to do. She is a tough cookie, but has a tender heart buried deep down. I was just sobbing as I had to let go of that guilt I have that I let myself go and that I have not been taking very good care of myself. Normally I eat when I feel this pain, but I decided to just have my tears, if that was what needed to happen. I'm not happy about sobbing at Greenlake, in front of tons of people, but sometimes things need to happen for a reason.
My TGIF for this week is happiness about my business and SUPER happy for the small impact I made on a complete stranger. Seeing her today has helped reconfirm this new way of thinking about myself and my needs is not a waste of time. I think, no, I know, that this person is MY new inspiration.
What's that spell...
Lately I am feeling like a cheerleader to the world, complete with my bullhorn trying to pump up the crowd of those around me. Many of my friends were cheerleaders in high school so I was privy to the learning of the cheers all summer long (AKA..too fat to be a cheerleader, but not an active learner and giant banner maker.) I loved when they came up with routines and would practice in the yard. Takes me back to when I wanted to be in Razzle Dazzles in the 2nd grade. Again, I was too fat for sequined outfits and dancing at the crappy mall in Helena MT. I wanted to dance so bad that I would use scotch tape and tape my toes just like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance.
(sorry for the small images...I am not tech savvy)
In high school we were the Bruin's and those cheers are stuck in my head. Regardless of what type of team support I'm at, if a bouncy lady starts to chant, I'll automatically start to give her a B. GIVE ME A B....
Today my boss called me and asked if he could meet with me for 5 minutes. First of all there is never 5 minutes of a meeting with him. No matter how hard I try to shut up, I always have something to say. So we sat in my office, and the only reason for the meeting was my boss was just trying to pump me up. His goal was to tell me what a great job I am doing and that maybe tonight I should have a margarita. When I told him I was on a diet, he asked if I needed a gift certificate to Gene Juarez. I laughed, said no thank you, and he told me to give myself a virtual Margarita every hour tonight. Hmmm.. GIVE ME AN R.
Prior to this meeting I decided I was pretty much fed up with this BS that is my lady business. I called my doctors office and was very polite, as I know at some point I will turn into that potential ball of tears patient who thinks she is the only woman on the planet who can't get pregnant. Anways, I called and left a VM to let them know that it has been 42 days since my last period and the hormones I took two weeks ago have not kicked in yet. They are awesome and called me back right away. I let them know that I was a mere 15 seconds away as I am only 2 floors above them and if they wanted to see me, I could make it happen. Well 45 minutes later I'm naked from the waist down having an ultrasound. My business is just stuck up there. No clomid yet. On a positive note there were no cysts on my ovaries, everything "down there" looked normal and she could see a bunch of eggs just hanging out in the sack. There is nothing like having a vaginal ultrasound and telling the ARNP that you met 5 minutes ago to hit that sack like a pinata with her wand and maybe those eggs would start popping out. GIVE ME A U.
Before I sat down at the computer today I started thinking about this blog I write and sort of my purpose of doing it. In the beginning I thought that my "journey" I would be writing about would be little antidotes of my daily life and the general humor I try to see in them. The occasional perfect photo, the recap of holidays and events, the pondering of one's soul. I never realized what a resourceful tool it would become for me to really think about things. I'm pretty honest about what I write except for one thing; I have tried to censor my terribly poor potty mouth. I might say crap in my blog, but trust me, my brain is screaming the word shit. I'm just a full fledged potty mouth. In the 6th grade I would walk home from school with Lucy, Kevin and Jason (Hi Lucy!) and we would have contests to see who could go the longest without swearing. I was always in last place. I was a loser with a mouth that sounded like a 42 year old woman whose been driving a long haul truck for 17 years. I still am to this day. For the sake of anyone out there who reads this though, I will do my best to censor as there are ways to get one's point across without swearing. But somedays I really just have to drop a motherf*cker here or there to be able to really understand my true emotions. GIVE ME AN I.
The more I think about my life, the more I realize how fortunate I am. My husband is awesome and he really gets me. When we met one another on Match.com, that's right, we logged on for love, I used the tag line Eye of the Tiger. Kent would email me and then make references about Mr. T. Now I loved the A-Team and I knew how to "Pity a fool" but I had no clue what he was talking about. We still met though because really, a free drinks a free drink. It wasn't until we met face to face at Thaiku that I made the connection that Mr. T was in Rocky III and that Eye of the Tiger was the theme song to the movie. I tried to tell Kent my connection of Eye of the Tiger was my friend Carrie teaching me the complete moves in the second grade as she was the lucky one to get to be in Razzle Dazzle and wear sequined full length gloves complete with pink fringe. I may not have been a true Razzle Dazzle, I was a generic wanna-be who danced in my unfinished basement, along with my Flashdance tape and did everything I could to make my happiness. On Sept 12th Kent and I will celebrate our 3rd year anniversary of our first date. That date has a ton of significance to me as I honestly had a series of crazy lady visions and seeing a pretty awesome future ahead of me. I walked into work that next day and told my co-workers that I was in trouble..this guy rocked. Want to know how much my husband rocks...look at these bad boys he had made for our wedding... GIVE ME AN N.
So what does this random potpourri of my cheerleader brain spell....it might spell Bruin here, but truthfully it is spelling happiness. Happy to have my life, my tribulations, my drama, my struggles as a chunky chick trying to lose weight and get pregnant (huh?) and my fabulous husband laughing his ass of alongside me. I can cheer all I want for everyone else, but recently, I'm realizing it's OK to shake a pom pom or two my way as well.
(sorry for the small images...I am not tech savvy)
In high school we were the Bruin's and those cheers are stuck in my head. Regardless of what type of team support I'm at, if a bouncy lady starts to chant, I'll automatically start to give her a B. GIVE ME A B....
Today my boss called me and asked if he could meet with me for 5 minutes. First of all there is never 5 minutes of a meeting with him. No matter how hard I try to shut up, I always have something to say. So we sat in my office, and the only reason for the meeting was my boss was just trying to pump me up. His goal was to tell me what a great job I am doing and that maybe tonight I should have a margarita. When I told him I was on a diet, he asked if I needed a gift certificate to Gene Juarez. I laughed, said no thank you, and he told me to give myself a virtual Margarita every hour tonight. Hmmm.. GIVE ME AN R.
Prior to this meeting I decided I was pretty much fed up with this BS that is my lady business. I called my doctors office and was very polite, as I know at some point I will turn into that potential ball of tears patient who thinks she is the only woman on the planet who can't get pregnant. Anways, I called and left a VM to let them know that it has been 42 days since my last period and the hormones I took two weeks ago have not kicked in yet. They are awesome and called me back right away. I let them know that I was a mere 15 seconds away as I am only 2 floors above them and if they wanted to see me, I could make it happen. Well 45 minutes later I'm naked from the waist down having an ultrasound. My business is just stuck up there. No clomid yet. On a positive note there were no cysts on my ovaries, everything "down there" looked normal and she could see a bunch of eggs just hanging out in the sack. There is nothing like having a vaginal ultrasound and telling the ARNP that you met 5 minutes ago to hit that sack like a pinata with her wand and maybe those eggs would start popping out. GIVE ME A U.
Before I sat down at the computer today I started thinking about this blog I write and sort of my purpose of doing it. In the beginning I thought that my "journey" I would be writing about would be little antidotes of my daily life and the general humor I try to see in them. The occasional perfect photo, the recap of holidays and events, the pondering of one's soul. I never realized what a resourceful tool it would become for me to really think about things. I'm pretty honest about what I write except for one thing; I have tried to censor my terribly poor potty mouth. I might say crap in my blog, but trust me, my brain is screaming the word shit. I'm just a full fledged potty mouth. In the 6th grade I would walk home from school with Lucy, Kevin and Jason (Hi Lucy!) and we would have contests to see who could go the longest without swearing. I was always in last place. I was a loser with a mouth that sounded like a 42 year old woman whose been driving a long haul truck for 17 years. I still am to this day. For the sake of anyone out there who reads this though, I will do my best to censor as there are ways to get one's point across without swearing. But somedays I really just have to drop a motherf*cker here or there to be able to really understand my true emotions. GIVE ME AN I.
The more I think about my life, the more I realize how fortunate I am. My husband is awesome and he really gets me. When we met one another on Match.com, that's right, we logged on for love, I used the tag line Eye of the Tiger. Kent would email me and then make references about Mr. T. Now I loved the A-Team and I knew how to "Pity a fool" but I had no clue what he was talking about. We still met though because really, a free drinks a free drink. It wasn't until we met face to face at Thaiku that I made the connection that Mr. T was in Rocky III and that Eye of the Tiger was the theme song to the movie. I tried to tell Kent my connection of Eye of the Tiger was my friend Carrie teaching me the complete moves in the second grade as she was the lucky one to get to be in Razzle Dazzle and wear sequined full length gloves complete with pink fringe. I may not have been a true Razzle Dazzle, I was a generic wanna-be who danced in my unfinished basement, along with my Flashdance tape and did everything I could to make my happiness. On Sept 12th Kent and I will celebrate our 3rd year anniversary of our first date. That date has a ton of significance to me as I honestly had a series of crazy lady visions and seeing a pretty awesome future ahead of me. I walked into work that next day and told my co-workers that I was in trouble..this guy rocked. Want to know how much my husband rocks...look at these bad boys he had made for our wedding... GIVE ME AN N.
So what does this random potpourri of my cheerleader brain spell....it might spell Bruin here, but truthfully it is spelling happiness. Happy to have my life, my tribulations, my drama, my struggles as a chunky chick trying to lose weight and get pregnant (huh?) and my fabulous husband laughing his ass of alongside me. I can cheer all I want for everyone else, but recently, I'm realizing it's OK to shake a pom pom or two my way as well.
Managing expectations
Recently I've felt very squeezed by work, home life, family etc. I feel as if I'm not managing expectations very well or doing the best at providing crystal clear communication. I've been working on my boundaries though and that's been a beautiful thing.
Yesterday I had a friend from the past send me a facebook friendship request. I have wondered for some time where this person's life has carried them. We've had no communication for the past 8 years and we left on very harsh words. My own mentality is stronger and wiser now and knows that people can change, I certainly am not the same person. Situations change, emotions change and I am in control of my personal feelings and boundaries. I'm unsure of where this will lead, but the email I received brought a smile to my face.
Yesterday I met with my trainer/friend Chris and we went for a run in the pouring rain. I looked like Ozzy Osbourne by time we returned to her home for Turkey and Kale soup (she has this damn thing with Kale). As Chris was asking me about my weight loss goals I did my best, between gasping breaths, to explain my weight loss is no longer about my calorie intake or my exercise. My connections to my personal well-being and my weight are very strong right now. I see how much my own expectations of my weight loss drive me to go in polar directions. It is all or nothing with me, and this is not a manageable expectation. I'm really beginning to see this problem I have with food as something that I can manage. I don't want to turn to a drug or turn to a program to give me guidance. I am my own guidance. I understand my body, I know so much about nutrition and if I don't know something, I know how to figure it out. I don't want to rely on drugs, God, a sponsor or self help group to uplift me and give me some weird out of body experience to lose weight. My body will lose weight when I treat it properly and provide it the tools to do so. Managing my expectations is going to be probably the most challenging thing of all.
Yesterday I had a friend from the past send me a facebook friendship request. I have wondered for some time where this person's life has carried them. We've had no communication for the past 8 years and we left on very harsh words. My own mentality is stronger and wiser now and knows that people can change, I certainly am not the same person. Situations change, emotions change and I am in control of my personal feelings and boundaries. I'm unsure of where this will lead, but the email I received brought a smile to my face.
Yesterday I met with my trainer/friend Chris and we went for a run in the pouring rain. I looked like Ozzy Osbourne by time we returned to her home for Turkey and Kale soup (she has this damn thing with Kale). As Chris was asking me about my weight loss goals I did my best, between gasping breaths, to explain my weight loss is no longer about my calorie intake or my exercise. My connections to my personal well-being and my weight are very strong right now. I see how much my own expectations of my weight loss drive me to go in polar directions. It is all or nothing with me, and this is not a manageable expectation. I'm really beginning to see this problem I have with food as something that I can manage. I don't want to turn to a drug or turn to a program to give me guidance. I am my own guidance. I understand my body, I know so much about nutrition and if I don't know something, I know how to figure it out. I don't want to rely on drugs, God, a sponsor or self help group to uplift me and give me some weird out of body experience to lose weight. My body will lose weight when I treat it properly and provide it the tools to do so. Managing my expectations is going to be probably the most challenging thing of all.
I smell something fishy..
Kent and I have had a fun labor day week-end. Friday night we went to dinner with his best friend (BFF) Fred and his family and friends to celebrate Fred's 39th birthday. We were not overly excited about dining at Chinooks as it is honestly one of those seafood restaurants that remind me of what old people eat at; like a seafood Denny's joint. Kent also doesn't eat seafood so going to this place is like to try to say onay eafood say to someone who doesn't get pig latin. The food was mediocre and I kept thinking about how the place needed a major overhaul but they did do one thing right...the festival of peaches was a "highlight" for this joint and did they make me a mean peach martini. Yummy.
Saturday we found ourselves experiencing our first UW Football game together. We went with friends and tailgated for many hours prior and the Ms. Manners in me was chastised for our considerations. We arrived at a tail gate of a woman I've met twice. Both times it was 5:30am and we were running stairs with my trainer. Not exactly the time to play the getting to know you game. Trying to not "hog and jog" we brought a cooler full of beer, snacks and our own food to grill. WOAH...you would have thought that Kent had literally whipped out his ding dong and pissed all over the joint. People were mad, like down right insulted that we had the nerve to show up with our own food and not enjoy the fruits of their labor. Let me tell you about their labors as well. First of all a 35"+ flat screen with dish network to watch all of the other games going on around the country. More booze than I had seen in years. A complete dining ensemble with chaffing dishes...chaffing dishes people. Then I roll in with my ghetto cooler that squeaks like an old door to a haunted house every time you open it and turkey burgers. The insult was overwhelming when our friends Colleen and Trever pulled out their marinated turkey burgers. Everyone around us was all about meat...ribs, jambalaya. You name it. Only a pansy would eat turkey burgers was essentially the vibe we received. The best part of the tail gate was the fact that we just left that damn cooler. If there was one part of the tailgate experience I regret, it would be not taking a photo of Kent and Trever carrying our cooler. These boys had to carry this cooler for over a mile and Kent is 5'10" and Trever is 6'11". It was like Rob and Big from MTV, lugging our unaware hall of shame party foul.
Trever is not BIG, like Big is. He is just tall, like super tall. Like the perfect beacon at a party if you think you have lost all of your friends. You can spot Trever in a nano-second. I can't find a good photo of the two of them..but here is a photo of Colleen and Trever at our wedding.
The drama continued at our second tail gate stop. It was the DKE tailgate and it was on the other side of the stadium, where the riff raff was. The DKE boys do try. They had a gallon size hand sanitizer, but that was about as exotic of a female touch as this place had. The usual giant tub of crappy mayonnaise salad that is on sale at Safeway, giant sausages and a keg. The difference on this side of the stadium is the youth. How blatantly obvious it was that Kent and I went to school in the 90's. I also almost had to take a B**ch down who was causing such a scene in the honey bucket line that when it was finally my turn, somebody was shaking my bucket, WHILE I AM IN IT, and saying they were going to tip it over. I had been drinking, but not that much, and I literally unlocked it, swung the door open as hard as I could and practically came out swinging. I may be 34 1/2, but I have better health insurance, and a 3 carat diamond ring that will cause your face some damage. I'm so ghetto for even writing this, but I only have one thing to say...bitch please.
The game was totally fun and our friend Shannon (Birdie) was so sweet to get us tickets. Today we were suppose to go and see Bonnie Rait and Tajmahal at the Chateau Ste. Michelle winery but it has been raining so hard, we just didn't go. That is so not like us, but it was it is. We instead had dinner at Tutta Bella and a trip to Molly Moon's for my favorite ice cream in the world, Salted Carmel. This is so delicious, I have literally found myself in line for over 25 minutes. It is worth every calorie.
Now here is where the fishy part comes in. Today, as Kent I were just chillin' on the sofa I saw my friend/ trainer Chris calling. I figured she was saying hi as we did not see each other last night at the game. Instead, she told me that she had gone on one of her training runs today and had a long time to think about me. Having a woman run for 18 miles and "think" about you is not a good thing. Particularly since this woman has been known to hurt my body so bad that I have found myself needing to use the handicapped bathroom as I have to literally levitate with the bars to lift myself down to pee. She wanted to know if I had time for lunch, and to talk. I told her I was pretty busy at work and then she wanted to know what I was doing tomorrow night. I told her Kent and I were free, so she told me great, I'll meet you at Greenlake at 5pm. We can go for run and chat. Whoa. I haven't run in months. Like I know I could possibly hurt myself as my second ass (that layer that is up high on your butt...almost like a muffin top of the back) could give me a concussion from jiggling too much. So now I know she is up to something. I told her my biggest loser challenge was starting in one week. She said great, but she didn't care about what I was doing in a week. She wanted to know what I was doing now. Right now I am sitting here too full from ice cream and letting my fingers get a work out instead of my body. She is up to something. I have found myself doing triathlons, 1/2 marathons etc because she has a vision. I know she is running the Portland marathon in a month and asked if we wanted to come. I was going to shop, she would run. I would make a sign for her and cheer her on. I know she is not going to ask me to race, but I have a feeling she is going to propose something for me. Sort of like the time she had me go up a gentle hike..please, a 4 1/2 mile switchback with a reward lunch of tuna and kale is not my idea of a fair proposal. So tonight may have been my last reward of sorts with food. I've actually been very conscious this past week about my eating. It is a very good thing.
On one final note, my lady business has still not come. I've not had my period since July 28th and I am not pregnant. I've done a series of hormornes to get it to start, but not luck. It's like it is just sort of stuck. I'm trying to not focus on this, but it is sort of hard. I think Judy Blume had a book to help increase your bust...maybe she wrote one about increasing your period???
Saturday we found ourselves experiencing our first UW Football game together. We went with friends and tailgated for many hours prior and the Ms. Manners in me was chastised for our considerations. We arrived at a tail gate of a woman I've met twice. Both times it was 5:30am and we were running stairs with my trainer. Not exactly the time to play the getting to know you game. Trying to not "hog and jog" we brought a cooler full of beer, snacks and our own food to grill. WOAH...you would have thought that Kent had literally whipped out his ding dong and pissed all over the joint. People were mad, like down right insulted that we had the nerve to show up with our own food and not enjoy the fruits of their labor. Let me tell you about their labors as well. First of all a 35"+ flat screen with dish network to watch all of the other games going on around the country. More booze than I had seen in years. A complete dining ensemble with chaffing dishes...chaffing dishes people. Then I roll in with my ghetto cooler that squeaks like an old door to a haunted house every time you open it and turkey burgers. The insult was overwhelming when our friends Colleen and Trever pulled out their marinated turkey burgers. Everyone around us was all about meat...ribs, jambalaya. You name it. Only a pansy would eat turkey burgers was essentially the vibe we received. The best part of the tail gate was the fact that we just left that damn cooler. If there was one part of the tailgate experience I regret, it would be not taking a photo of Kent and Trever carrying our cooler. These boys had to carry this cooler for over a mile and Kent is 5'10" and Trever is 6'11". It was like Rob and Big from MTV, lugging our unaware hall of shame party foul.
Trever is not BIG, like Big is. He is just tall, like super tall. Like the perfect beacon at a party if you think you have lost all of your friends. You can spot Trever in a nano-second. I can't find a good photo of the two of them..but here is a photo of Colleen and Trever at our wedding.
The drama continued at our second tail gate stop. It was the DKE tailgate and it was on the other side of the stadium, where the riff raff was. The DKE boys do try. They had a gallon size hand sanitizer, but that was about as exotic of a female touch as this place had. The usual giant tub of crappy mayonnaise salad that is on sale at Safeway, giant sausages and a keg. The difference on this side of the stadium is the youth. How blatantly obvious it was that Kent and I went to school in the 90's. I also almost had to take a B**ch down who was causing such a scene in the honey bucket line that when it was finally my turn, somebody was shaking my bucket, WHILE I AM IN IT, and saying they were going to tip it over. I had been drinking, but not that much, and I literally unlocked it, swung the door open as hard as I could and practically came out swinging. I may be 34 1/2, but I have better health insurance, and a 3 carat diamond ring that will cause your face some damage. I'm so ghetto for even writing this, but I only have one thing to say...bitch please.
The game was totally fun and our friend Shannon (Birdie) was so sweet to get us tickets. Today we were suppose to go and see Bonnie Rait and Tajmahal at the Chateau Ste. Michelle winery but it has been raining so hard, we just didn't go. That is so not like us, but it was it is. We instead had dinner at Tutta Bella and a trip to Molly Moon's for my favorite ice cream in the world, Salted Carmel. This is so delicious, I have literally found myself in line for over 25 minutes. It is worth every calorie.
Now here is where the fishy part comes in. Today, as Kent I were just chillin' on the sofa I saw my friend/ trainer Chris calling. I figured she was saying hi as we did not see each other last night at the game. Instead, she told me that she had gone on one of her training runs today and had a long time to think about me. Having a woman run for 18 miles and "think" about you is not a good thing. Particularly since this woman has been known to hurt my body so bad that I have found myself needing to use the handicapped bathroom as I have to literally levitate with the bars to lift myself down to pee. She wanted to know if I had time for lunch, and to talk. I told her I was pretty busy at work and then she wanted to know what I was doing tomorrow night. I told her Kent and I were free, so she told me great, I'll meet you at Greenlake at 5pm. We can go for run and chat. Whoa. I haven't run in months. Like I know I could possibly hurt myself as my second ass (that layer that is up high on your butt...almost like a muffin top of the back) could give me a concussion from jiggling too much. So now I know she is up to something. I told her my biggest loser challenge was starting in one week. She said great, but she didn't care about what I was doing in a week. She wanted to know what I was doing now. Right now I am sitting here too full from ice cream and letting my fingers get a work out instead of my body. She is up to something. I have found myself doing triathlons, 1/2 marathons etc because she has a vision. I know she is running the Portland marathon in a month and asked if we wanted to come. I was going to shop, she would run. I would make a sign for her and cheer her on. I know she is not going to ask me to race, but I have a feeling she is going to propose something for me. Sort of like the time she had me go up a gentle hike..please, a 4 1/2 mile switchback with a reward lunch of tuna and kale is not my idea of a fair proposal. So tonight may have been my last reward of sorts with food. I've actually been very conscious this past week about my eating. It is a very good thing.
On one final note, my lady business has still not come. I've not had my period since July 28th and I am not pregnant. I've done a series of hormornes to get it to start, but not luck. It's like it is just sort of stuck. I'm trying to not focus on this, but it is sort of hard. I think Judy Blume had a book to help increase your bust...maybe she wrote one about increasing your period???
Smoking Jackets and Magazines
Kent and I received some very good news yesterday. With his approval, as long as it's funny, I'm allowed to share our good news. Kent's swimmers are A-O-K. His man junk has the stamina needed to hopefully find it's way up to my non-existent eggs. OK, they are not non-existent, they are just sort of hanging out in the sack, keeping themselves toasty. All I ask is a monthly deposit, sort of like a bank's interest payment, just move down that tube and wait for your next move. Wait, hold on, it's been awhile since I was in health class. You'd think I would have remembered the way this crap works from that giant 3 dimensional vagina that was staring me in the face while we were at the RE office. All I know is that Kent is relieved he will hopefully not have many more of these encounters.....
Last week Kent was a trooper, a real-life hero in my book. He dropped by my office and I took him to lunch, complete with chips and a treat, there was no need to think about calories on this day. He kept looking at my watch as he knew it was getting closer and closer to having to do the deed, or as he informed me that morning, "go jack off in a cup." Like the man he is we rode in the elevator together and he got off (he he he) on the 10th floor and I continued a few floors up to my office. I patiently waited for him to call me. 30 minutes later he was sitting in his truck and the ordeal was over. Instantly, I wanted details. ME.."Did you watch a porn?", KENT..NO. ME.."Did you look at the magazines?" KENT.."Yeah, not many. You only need to look at one or two Hustlers. There was a drawer full of them though." ME.."Did you wash your hands?" KENT...laughing, no comment. Then he described to me the small room with a video player and a drawer full of magazines. A little place of paradise smack dab next to the lab with a sliding drawer to drop off the deposit. I wish it was like a bank where you use to whisk away your money in a tube to get a receipt and a sucker and dog treat (if your dog was with you). I was concerned that he might have been "held up" sort of at gun point with a shyness that might be holding up the line for the next deposit. No need to fret, that office has two rooms to make your deposit.
Daily, Kent would remind me that we should be getting his "lab" results. I told him no need to fret, it would take about a week and they would call us when they were ready. This past week-end we went to a 40th birthday party and Kent instantly b-lined it for the guy in the room that he also knew had made a "deposit" in this office. In fact, Kent later informed me, this man has made 4 deposits. While they were enjoying a signature cocktail and a deviled egg (who does not love a deviled egg) they actually spoke about the magazines and their experience. Here's what makes me laugh. While they were discussing their experience this is what my husband was wearing.
The invitation for this party said festive attire a bonus. Kent and I were by far "the" couple at the party who were looking for a bonus, a prize, some sort of freebie. In this quest for being the best dressed I discovered that Kent apparently has a penchant for smoking jackets. Like he bought two of them recently on e-bay. Kent can barely use his ipod let alone figure out ebay and paypall. Apparently if you really want a new "jacket" you will do anything. He also went on a serious hunt for the right bow tie. Not some bullsh*t pre-tied one, this was full on I need the instructions as I'm going to do this bad boy myself. His hunt did not succeed as he wanted the perfect shade of silver, only to find cheap sparkly looking ones. Alas, he found himself in this dapper number. I did my best, and unfortunately you can't see my fab bird feathered flower pin attached to my dress's ribbon.
Now that we know things are looking positive on Kent's end, I sort of question why I was even worried (hello...he's 38 1/2, drinks, builds crap and uses chemicals). In retrospect though, how could anyone who shows up in a smoking jacket not have seriously big balls? Big balls filled with fighters who are ready to fight the good fight and get a little Davis in the house to terrorize the crap out of both of us.
Last week Kent was a trooper, a real-life hero in my book. He dropped by my office and I took him to lunch, complete with chips and a treat, there was no need to think about calories on this day. He kept looking at my watch as he knew it was getting closer and closer to having to do the deed, or as he informed me that morning, "go jack off in a cup." Like the man he is we rode in the elevator together and he got off (he he he) on the 10th floor and I continued a few floors up to my office. I patiently waited for him to call me. 30 minutes later he was sitting in his truck and the ordeal was over. Instantly, I wanted details. ME.."Did you watch a porn?", KENT..NO. ME.."Did you look at the magazines?" KENT.."Yeah, not many. You only need to look at one or two Hustlers. There was a drawer full of them though." ME.."Did you wash your hands?" KENT...laughing, no comment. Then he described to me the small room with a video player and a drawer full of magazines. A little place of paradise smack dab next to the lab with a sliding drawer to drop off the deposit. I wish it was like a bank where you use to whisk away your money in a tube to get a receipt and a sucker and dog treat (if your dog was with you). I was concerned that he might have been "held up" sort of at gun point with a shyness that might be holding up the line for the next deposit. No need to fret, that office has two rooms to make your deposit.
Daily, Kent would remind me that we should be getting his "lab" results. I told him no need to fret, it would take about a week and they would call us when they were ready. This past week-end we went to a 40th birthday party and Kent instantly b-lined it for the guy in the room that he also knew had made a "deposit" in this office. In fact, Kent later informed me, this man has made 4 deposits. While they were enjoying a signature cocktail and a deviled egg (who does not love a deviled egg) they actually spoke about the magazines and their experience. Here's what makes me laugh. While they were discussing their experience this is what my husband was wearing.
The invitation for this party said festive attire a bonus. Kent and I were by far "the" couple at the party who were looking for a bonus, a prize, some sort of freebie. In this quest for being the best dressed I discovered that Kent apparently has a penchant for smoking jackets. Like he bought two of them recently on e-bay. Kent can barely use his ipod let alone figure out ebay and paypall. Apparently if you really want a new "jacket" you will do anything. He also went on a serious hunt for the right bow tie. Not some bullsh*t pre-tied one, this was full on I need the instructions as I'm going to do this bad boy myself. His hunt did not succeed as he wanted the perfect shade of silver, only to find cheap sparkly looking ones. Alas, he found himself in this dapper number. I did my best, and unfortunately you can't see my fab bird feathered flower pin attached to my dress's ribbon.
Now that we know things are looking positive on Kent's end, I sort of question why I was even worried (hello...he's 38 1/2, drinks, builds crap and uses chemicals). In retrospect though, how could anyone who shows up in a smoking jacket not have seriously big balls? Big balls filled with fighters who are ready to fight the good fight and get a little Davis in the house to terrorize the crap out of both of us.
Just a spoonful of sugar...
This delightful tune is playing over in my head today and I am doing my best to stay positive and proactive. I'm also back on my Metformin and that crap makes me so nauseated.
I love the three comments (holy crap..3!) that I received yesterday and it only reconfirms that I am really not alone in this game of life. For years I have wanted to belong to a group...I'm just a white chick from Montana, nothing terribly special. I'm slowly realizing though that it takes an openness and honesty in this world today to realize how similar many of us are and the life obstacles we each face. Thank you to those of you around me and to those of you who put your words out there for the world to see. We really are not as alone as it may appear.
Also, thank you to my husband Kent who has been a serious trooper these past weeks and lets me speak what is on my mind.
I love the three comments (holy crap..3!) that I received yesterday and it only reconfirms that I am really not alone in this game of life. For years I have wanted to belong to a group...I'm just a white chick from Montana, nothing terribly special. I'm slowly realizing though that it takes an openness and honesty in this world today to realize how similar many of us are and the life obstacles we each face. Thank you to those of you around me and to those of you who put your words out there for the world to see. We really are not as alone as it may appear.
Also, thank you to my husband Kent who has been a serious trooper these past weeks and lets me speak what is on my mind.
